Three Cheers

"Don't start." He seethed.

"I didn't even say anything yet." I muttered.

I kept walking away, to the kitchen to clean up the food. Gerard followed me, leaning against the counter. He exhaled loudly, "Look, October, we just talked."

"You expect me to believe that?" I asked sarcastically as I threw out half cooked noodles.

"Yes."

"Well, I don't." I looked at him, "Tell me another lie to go along with it."

"I'm not fucking lying."

"What were you doing with her then?" I growled, "Isn't it bad enough I practically gave her a slap on the wrist for ruining my store? I let her slide, when she could've gone to prison for 10 plus years. Even you," I shoved my finger against his chest, "You told me to push for harsh judgment, but I didn't. So, why the hell are you talking to her?"

Gerard stared at me. His eyes were glossed over.

"Hello? Are you alive?" I nearly slapped him.

He licked his lips, "I don't know why." He replied.

"You're a goddamn liar, Gerard Way." I shook my head and turned, continuing to clean, "Go away, I don't want to see you."

"No." He spoke shakily, almost.

"Then leave me alone. If you ain't gonna tell me, I don't want to guess."

Gerard stepped away, and then he exhaled again, "I don't want you to get mad."

"Too late." I spat.

"Just let me say it, but you can't yell."

"Get on with it!" I turned to face him.

Guilt was prominent in his eyes.

"I... I was feeling... I don't know," he sighed, his hand combed through his hair, missing the bandage, "I saw her and we talked and old feelings came up."

I was ready to tell him off, anger began to build, "What?"

"No, no, not like that!" He said quickly, "It's just... Fuck, our loves are so routine, it's got me wondering what the hell do we do next."

Anger was replace with insecurity. I suddenly felt 15 again. I hated myself when I was a teenager.

"I know it ain't your fault," he added quickly, "Things have become routine, like I said. I've been craving something more."

I could only stare at him. A bunch of emotion caving in my chest. I wanted to burst into tears, but I held them back. The only thing that peeped out was a small sob and a few stray tears. I turned away when Gerard started to step towards me.

"Don't touch me." I snapped at him once his hand came close.

"October, I'm sorry, I just--"

"Fuck off." I muttered and began to walk away.

Gerard grabbed me, "I didn't sleep with her--"

"You think I care?" I nearly screamed; tears swarmed, "My husband tells me this and you think I care if you're sleeping with a psychopath? Go sleep with her, I know you do, or else you wouldn't have gone to see her."

"It ain't like--"

"Like what? What were you doing with her then?" I ripped my arm away, "God, do you know how ugly I feel right now?"

Gerard's brow fell and he closed his mouth. I moved away, out the kitchen and to our bedroom. I shut and locked the door and went to the bathroom, hopping onto the counter. I sat there as I heard Gerard knock on the door and call out for me.

Muffled apologies were next, and I didn't want to hear them. I pulled my knees up and sobbed. It may've been much, but that whole thing was a small fear of mine. I was always scared that I wasn't enough for him. And it was true; our love life was stale and not too entertaining.

I cried for what seemed like hours, but undoubtedly, it wasn't such. I stopped when I heard the bedroom door crack open and burst hard against the wall. I didn't move; I kept still; it was too late to shut the bathroom door. I didn't even attempt to. I waited, hearing Gerard come in and say my name partially, "Oct--"

He stopped when he saw me. I felt him there, but I didn't look up. He let out a sigh, "I love you." He said softly, "It isn't you, I swear. You're fucking gorgeous and I was being stupid."

I couldn't look at him. I didn't have the mind or strength to. I wanted him to leave me alone.

"Please, look at me, sugar." He whispered, his hand took hold of my arm gently.

"Go away, Gerard." I sniffled and rubbed my nose against my knee.

"No."

I finally dropped my knees and my arms, pushing his hand away, "I said go away. I don't want you near me right now."

"I don't want to." His brow furrowed angrily, confusingly.

I got off the counter, "I'll leave then."

"What?" He stammered as I left the bathroom.

"I'm leaving, I'm gonna go to my brother's." I didn't bother to grab anything but my purse.

"Don't." Gerard order through gritted teeth.

I began to leave the room, passing the threshold, "You better fix the damn wall, too."

Gerard rushed up behind me, "Don't leave," his arm encircled my waist, pulling me back, "I don't want you to."

I dropped my purse and fought him, "Let me go!"

"October, calm down!" He hissed at me.

I finally began to cry again as he tightened his grasp on me, "Just let me go! I don't want to be around you!"

Finally, his arm loosened and I stumbled away. I stood up straight, looking back at him. His jaw was tight, eyes baring back at me, heavy with regret.

"I said I was sorry." He agonized, "What do you want from me?"

"To leave me alone!" I snapped, "You don't get it, do you?"

He just stared at me.

"God, you're such an idiot, Gerard!" I shouted, "Do you know how you made me feel? It's bad enough I don't function like a normal woman, but to tell me that I don't excite you--"

He cut me off, "I never said that!"

"You implied it!" I wiped my eyes, "You made me feel like shit, Gerard! I don't feel pretty, and this is proof; your words."

"I didn't mean it like that! I just meant that I wanted some excitement."

"And you found it with her?" I questioned angrily, "Go get it, I'm not going to stress over this. I'm not gonna worry if you're putting our kids through some traumatic event with that crazy bitch!"

"I wasn't gonna bring our kids around her!" He shouted back, "I just went to talk to her, that's it!"

"Bullshit!" I shoved him, "It's bullshit and you know it!"

Gerard had staggered back, but didn't fall. His shoulders and his breathing began to move fast. He turned away from me.

"Go. Leave. Get out." I told him, "If not, I'll just fuckin' go, because I rather be with Busy and Thora right now."

He turned back quickly, "I've told you the truth, October. No matter what. I've told you everything, even though I knew it would fucking hurt, and I've said sorry." He exhaled deeply, "I've been honest, and it's what I want to be. Shit is boring, alright, but that doesn't mean I want her more than I want you."

I rolled my eyes, "Fuck off."

Gerard threw his hands up, "Ain't no winning with you, is there? All I have to do is appease you, right? What about me? What about what I want?"

"You never say shit!" I shouted now, "All you've done is fuckin' draw and write; you never said a damn thing about anything else. So, excuse the fuck outta me if I get mad over this!"

He was silent again. We just looked at each other.

Finally, he sighed again and opened his mouth, "Fine, you wanna leave, leave, but I'm not. I'm letting you do what you want."

I rolled my eyes, "Oh? I forgot that you're such a martyr, Gerard. Such a good person, letting me do what I want." I spoke with heavy sarcasm, "God forbid I let you do anything, because I've trapped you and held you down."

"I never said--"

"Forget it, okay? Fuck it. Do what you want, see if I care." I grabbed my purse again and left him there.