Three Cheers

I sat for 10 full minutes before I got up and grabbed my phone. I called Gerard, pacing the bedroom as the phone rang. It went to voicemail, and I hung up, dialing Frank. I bit at my thumbnail, muttering to myself, "C'mon Frank, pick up. It's only 11."

Finally, Frank picked up, "Hey, October." He yawned softly.

"Frank, is Gerard there?" I knew it was a long shot, but you never knew.

"Nah, why?"

"He left... He was upset. He took my car, do you know where he might be?"

Frank sighed, "Shit, maybe."

"Where?"

"Just hold on, October, Frances and I will be there soon."

"No, I just--"

He cut me off, "Someone's gotta watch the girls. I'll take him to you."

I exhaled, "Thanks."

"No problem. See ya in a sec."

I hung up and began to dress; I went out into the hall, after, and went to the girls' rooms. Busy was still asleep, but Thora woke up. I smiled at her as she looked at a animal picture book with her little lamp on, "Mama, I can't sleep."

I went over, pulling her into my arms, "It's okay, Baby. Auntie Frances is coming to watch you while I go somewhere."

"Go where?" She asked.

I grabbed her throw blanket and wrapped her up and carried her to the living room; "To go find daddy." I told her.

"He leaved?" She asked sadly.

I nodded, "Yeah, that's why I'm gonna go get him. You just be good for Auntie Fran, okay?"

Thora nodded, "I be very good."

I kissed her cheek, "Thank you, Baby Bear."

Thora stayed in my arms until Fran came in, "Hey." She exhaled, her hand on her belly, "Frank's waitin' for ya."

I got up, setting Thora onto the couch, "Be a good girl." I kissed her head.

"I will." She yawned.

I hugged Frances quickly, "Thanks."

She patted my cheek, "No worries, now go."

I smiled shortly and hurried out the door. I ran towards Frank's car and slipped in the front seat. Frank took off, his hands tightly on the steering wheel, "You aren't gonna like this, October." He muttered after a few seconds of silence.

"Where is he?" I asked impatiently.

"He's probably at Salty's Bar."

I frowned, "He's drinking again?"

He nodded, "He said he has it under control, but... I mean, this is Gerard."

"He can't have it under control, he was a fuckin' alcoholic." I shook my head.

"Preaching to the choir, October. But, Gerard is my friend and he's a grown man, he won't ever listen to me."

"Does Mikey know?"

He shook his head, "Just me and you."

I exasperated, "I'm gonna murder that motherfucker."

"This place is pretty sketchy, so don't cause a scene. Lets just get Gerard and get out."

I nodded, "Yeah."

The drive to Salty's was short, but even so, it felt like hours. It was in the heart of the dive of Los Angeles. Prostitutes and drug addicts littered the streets; dead neon signs buzzed, and I spotted my car in the parking lot behind the bar.

"Stand behind me." Frank told me when we got out.

I did as he said, not wanting to argue. I was already going to have a yelling match with Gerard on the way home.

We entered the bar; it was just as dark as it was outside. The music was 70's hard rock, and it was loud; you could smell the booze as soon as you stepped in. I scanned the room behind Frank; less than a minute, my eyes stopped on Gerard at a booth.

"He's over there." I told Frank.

Frank spotted Gerard, his hand in mine, he led the way. The few people in looked at us, but not for long. Frank stopped at the booth, with me still behind him, "Gerard, get up."

I saw that there was 4 shot glasses, ready to be thrown back while he was nursing a glass full of what smelt like bourbon; "No."

"Gerard," I snapped, "Get your ass up and come with me."

Gerard grumbled, "Fuck, you brought her?"

"You drink that and I won't ever let you see the girls again." I spat quickly.

He looked up at me, "You can't do that."

"Take a drink and you'll find out how serious I am."

Gerard narrowed his eyes and put the glass down and then looked at it, "Fuck it. Keep them. I ain't no better than my own dad."

My heart flew into my throat at his words. Tears filled my eyes as he took a shot and then set it down. He hissed at the aftertaste and then looked up at me, "Go home."

"Not without you." I rubbed away the tears.

"You were right, October. I hurt you, I don't deserve you or the kids. Just leave me alone." He downed another one.

"Gerard, please," I begged, "Just come home with me. Please."

He shook his head, "I can't."

Frank stepped in front of me, "Gerard, c'mon. Come to my place at least."

"No. I'm fine here. I'm gonna meet Eliza."

I could feel my heart breaking. My chest was going to cave in. I wanted to bawl.

"Gerard," I began as Frank stepped back, "Please. Thora is up and I'm sure she'd want to see you."

Gerard shook his head, "She shouldn't see me like this."

"Please, just come home, get out of this place."

"No." He muttered again, "Go. I'll call you."

"Where are you gonna go?"

"Somewhere you don't want me to." He answered, another drink.

"Why are you going to her?" I asked, letting the tears fall.

"She don't give me shit like you, she lets me be who I am."

I felt anger replace my helplessness, "What's that, Gerard? A fucking alcoholic?"

He took the last shot, "Yep."

I didn't think, I just hit him. I smacked him across the face; the few patrons looked at us, but I didn't care. I felt my body fire up with anger, "Fuck you, Gerard. Stay with her. Don't come near my kids again."

I was speaking out of anger. I couldn't move, that's how angry I was.

Gerard didn't bat a lash; he dug into his pocket and tossed my keys onto the table. That's when I knew that he wasn't going to come home with me. He wasn't going to choose our kids over booze and that woman.

I grabbed my keys, "Don't come home. You want to leave, fine. I'll give your shit to Frank or Mikey."

Gerard waved his hand off in the air and I turned my heel. I left without Frank following after me; he was trying to talk to Gerard. It was useless, and I didn't understand it. He was so fucked up in the head, I just wouldn't ever get it. I thought he was over the insecurity, abuse and trauma. I was so sure he was okay now. I was so sorely wrong.

I got into my car, starting it and driving away. I felt sick as I drove off; I wanted to vomit, from anger and sadness. I stopped at red light, opened the door and puked until my head started to pound.

The rest of the drive was like that; stop: puke, stop: puke. I finally made it home, Frank had gotten there before me. I parked in my drive way and got out, standing in the cool air for a moment. I took in a deep breath and went up to the house, entering without a single thought. Frank was there, cradling Thora as she cried for me and her daddy; he exasperated happily when I entered.

"Thora, look who's here."

Thora looked up, sniffling and then cried out, "Mama! Mama, c'mere!"

I went to her, taking her happily and cradling her, "Are you alright, baby?"

"I had a scary dream." She sobbed, "I missed you and daddy."

I kissed her wet cheek, "I'm sorry, baby. Do you feel better?"

She nodded, her arms wrapping around my neck, "Where's daddy?"

I sighed, "Uh, he's visiting an old friend. He's gonna be gone for a while."

Thora whined, crying softer, "I want my daddy too!"

I pet her hair back, "Don't cry, Thora, he'll be back soon. Don't worry."

Thora seemed to take that, and stopped sobbing. She was tired and held onto me; I looked to Fran and Frank, "Thanks." I mumbled.

They both looked saddened, too, "I tried--"

I stopped Frank, "It's alright."

He licked over his bottom lip, "I'll try again."

I shook my head, "You can't make Gerard do something he doesn't want to, Frank."

Fran hugged me, "I'm sorry, love."

"Me too." I told her.

She kissed my cheek and then Thora's head, "I'll see you tomorrow, take the girls for Saturday Ice Creams, yeah?"

I smiled sadly, "Yeah."

Frank hugged me quickly, kissing Thora's cheek, "Sweet dreams, kid."

Thora waved tiredly, "Bye Auntie Franny and Uncle Frankie."

I exhaled softly and locked the door after them. I carried Thora to the bedroom with me, I figured she'd want to sleep with me. She curled up beneath my arm and fell asleep against my ribs, with her thumb in her mouth.

I looked at her, hoping Gerard had a mental image of the girls. A mental image to make him come home. To make him see that they needed him more than anything else on earth.