Three Cheers

I couldn't listen to Dr. Lance any longer. I was too busy fighting the nervous waves fighting against my sickness in my gut. I couldn't even wrap the whole baby thing around in my head.

"...October, these are risk we can't take lightly." I finally tuned him in.

"What will happen?" I asked out of the blue.

"Risk losing your baby later, caused by bleeding, or terminate your pregnancy now and deal with the ulcer."

My jaw slacked, "Either way... I may lose my baby?"

"We aren't positive." He said quickly, "We haven't dealt with this before."

"How bad is the ulcer?" I asked softly.

"It's large, located in the lining of your stomach. We can't deal with it until we know what you want to do. Time isn't on our side, you may get sicker if we wait."

My stomach knotted uneasily, and I wanted to throw up. I coursed my hair, "Can I talk to my husband first?"

"Yes," Dr. Lance nodded, "We'll discuss this later on tonight or tomorrow. If you have anymore questions, please do not hesitate to have one of the nurse's contact me."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

I watched Dr. Lance go, then I grabbed the phone on the side table. I didn't know where Gerard was, or if he was performing or if he was sober. I just needed to make a life altering decision.

His phone rang and rang. My stomach was killing me and cursed out loud. Finally, it went to just voicemail.

"This is Gerard... Leave a message or something, I don't know... BEEP."

"Gee, please call me as soon as you get this. It's very important, I'm in the hospital, I need to talk to you... I love you." I sighed and hung up.

I rubbed my face, thinking and exhaling heavily. I never felt so conflicted; I tried to reason with myself on this baby situation. I didn't know if I would be able to have this baby with this stupid fucking ulcer I got. I didn't want to get rid of my baby... Losing them would kill me. I was looking at a double edged sword.

I decided to call Fran, to get her opinion. Half way through dialing, I started to sob. I couldn't stop myself, emotion comes to me like a damn light switch.

"Hello? October, is that you? Are you crying?"

I sniffed, "Yes... Fran, I need to talk to you."

"What's wrong? I just got home, I can come back."

"No, I just talked to the doctor."

"What'd he say? Are you alright?"

"I have an ulcer... And uh... I'm pregnant."

Fran was silent, then: "What?"

"Yeah."

"I am going to kill Gerard."

I kind of smiled; his name sounds funny when she says it.

"I need your... Opinion? I don't know what to do."

All seriousness returned.

"What about?"

"The doctor..." I couldn't stop myself from now wanting to cry, "He said that I could lose my baby with the medication or I could terminate this pregnancy and get better without complications."

Fran sighed, "I'm really going to kill Gerard."

"What should I do?"

"I love you, October, and I know how badly you and Gerard have been wanting a baby... But, I think you should terminate. I mean, why complicate your health if you're just going to lose the baby?"

I sighed, "Are you sure? Should I talk to Gerard first?"

"Fuck Gerard. Do you think he cares right now? He won't even sober up to return your calls!"

I frowned to myself, knowing what she was saying, "So I should go through with it?"

"If you want to, if what the doctor tells you is something that makes you think different."

"I'll talk some more with him..."

"I think you should do what's healthier and better for you."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll just talk to my doctor."

"Good luck, love. I'll come see you in the morning."

I hung up a few minutes later and laid back in the bed. My head was starting to hurt, as well as my insides. I couldn't really figure out what to do.

Everything was a question and it was warping my brain.

Even though all that Fran said, I was still considering calling Gerard. He had the hospital number, but I'm sure he was too drunk to even remember he had a phone. I figured I'd call Mikey, to get to Gerard.

"Hello?" Mikey asked in a confused tone of voice.

"Mikey, it's me... Where's Gerard?"

Mikey was silent.

"Mikey? Mikey, answer me, please! Where's Gee?"

"Uh... He's busy right now." He stammered.

"Doing what? I'm in the hospital, it's very important that I talk to him."

"He's... What's wrong?"

"Goddammit, give the phone to Gerard!" I finally snapped, sending a shock pain throughout my stomach. I whimpered softly.

"It's... It's not good." Mikey murmured.

"Is he hurt?"

Mikey was silent, then a sigh, "He's... He's with a uh... A girl." He answered in the most resentful tone I had ever heard.

"A girl?" Slowly, my heart began to ache.

"Yeah... I'm sorry... I tried to stop him."

"Tell him I fucking hate him." I muttered before I slammed the phone down.

I pushed the phone away, then I pressed the nurse call button. 


My hands shook like crazy when they wheeled me into the operating room. They were slowly putting me under for the operation, and Fran was waiting for me. I took in even, but heavy breaths as I felt me go under.

I felt myself inwardly shouting at myself not to do this, but I couldn't bring myself to voice it. I was mentally frozen and I was going under quick. I couldn't stop it.

I was gone.