Three Cheers

Everyday was this kind of emotional battle. Everyday I fought the need to call Gerard and curse him out. Everyday, I didn't because I didn't want to talk to him. I felt like this weight was on my head, weighing me down, taunting me. The weight was that of how much I love Gerard.

Whenever I would look at my belly and see the tiny form of round it was taking, I'd fall in love with the idea of Gerard and I together. I fell in love with the idea that I would have my fantasy family. I was already madly in love with my baby... All of my love for Gerard was sinking into my unborn child.

Then, as my love for my baby grew, my need to get out grew. I didn't know what I would do or where I would go. I knew that once Gerard would come home, he would try and make me stay. He would use that power he has on me and make me stay. I didn't feel as if I were strong enough to leave, so, I thought about making Gerard go away.

I was kicking him out, I had already packed a lot of this clothes three weeks after I had seen my baby for the first time. Fran was proud of me, I was afraid of the decision I was making, I didn't know if it was the right decision. Gerard had broken my heart, he has lost my trust, and hated to think about him cheating on me.

It made my stomach turn that he was with another woman. That he was probably kissing her the way he had kissed me, touched her the same way. It wasn't something I wanted to think about, but when I laid in my bed and was laying quietly alone, it was all I thought about. 

I didn't know if I wanted an explanation, I deserved one. Not an excuse, an explanation as to what led him to do such a hurtful thing. What led him to throw our entire relationship out the window. 

He wasn't the same Gerard I had met so many years before. I don't think he'd ever return to even a fraction of that person. 

When I found myself crying only a week before he was to return, I called my dad. I don't know why, I just grabbed my phone and dialed his number. My and my dad's relationship would always be better than my mom's; most girls would call their mothers.

"Hey, October, how are you?" My dad answered smoothly.

I sniffed my nose, "Hey, dad... I'm okay... I guess."

"Are you alright?" His voice sounded deeply concerned.

"I don't think so." I mumbled, "I gotta tell you somethin'."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm pregnant." I stated softly, coursing my hair back.

"That's wonderful... But, what's wrong?"

"I think my marriage is ending." I blurted.

My dad sighed, "What happened between you and Gerard?"

I rubbed my forehead, "His drinking is just... It's horrible. I'm trying my hardest to do the right things, but he just makes it really damn hard, dad."

"I'm sorry, October." 

"I need help." I felt myself wanting to cry.

"You've talked to him, right?"

"All the time, he doesn't want help, and with this baby coming, I don't know what'll happen."

"What did he say about the baby?"

I didn't know how to answer, so I just told the truth, "I haven't told him."

"Oh, October, I'm sure if you tell him--"

I cut my dad off, "You don't know him like I do, dad, he won't get clean."

"Well, you're just going to leave him?"

"I'm kicking him out until he gets himself better."

"You know, you're the only one who can help him. You are his wife."

I shook my head, "I've tried, I really did... I don't know what I can do."

"Then, I believe you should part. Part until he gets better, make him see that you're serious."

"Yeah... Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do." I said softly.

"If he really loves you, then he'll clean up his act."

"Thanks, dad."

"You're welcome, October. We'll come see you soon and you know, buy you some stuff for the baby."

I chuckled, "Yeah, okay dad."


The day Gerard was set to come home, I sat in my living room, twiddling my thumbs like an idiot. I was nervous and angry, and just a little bit scared. I didn't know what Gerard would do once I gave him his bags and told him to leave.

I just took in deep breaths and tried to relax. It wasn't easy. All possible scenarios ran through my head.

But, I didn't get through a lot when I heard the door creak open. The pills in my stomach were about to come up on me; that's how nervous I was. I didn't see Gerard, I heard him first, "October, I'm home."

I stood up slowly, he came around to the living room, with his duffel bag. He looked like hell, his hair was messy, his shoulders taut and his body really let off the vibe that he was already buzzed. I coursed my hair, "Gerard. We need to talk."

"Lemme rest a minute." He sat down on the love seat.

"No, this is important." I muttered quickly.

"I don't wanna fight right now." I grumbled, "I just walked in the door, October."

"This isn't an argument." I muttered.

"Once you open your fucking mouth, it's an argument."

I furrowed my brows, "Okay, how's this for an argument; You better get your ass up, call your brother, and get the fuck outta this house!" I walked away from him, towards our room to get his bags.

I heard him get up and rush up behind me. He grabbed me hard, forcing me into the room and up against the wall. I let out a yelp as he shoved his hand up against my throat; "Let me go!" I screamed at him.

His face was deathly calm, he looked so sinister, it was scary. It made me wanna throw up.

"You want me to let you go?" He snarled at me, "That what you want?"

I was afraid to answer, I never been so frightened of Gerard since I met him. He wasn't someone I wanted to be around anymore. He was someone I wanted out of my life at that very moment.

"Gerard, please, let me go." I trembled beneath his hand.

His gripped his hand tighter around my neck, while the other touched my exposed thigh; "Apologize to me, then I'll think about it."

His hand roamed higher up my skirt, and I felt tears sting my eyes, "Gee, please, don't."

"That doesn't sound like an apology." He yanked at my panties.

"Gee, please, don't." I repeated.

"What did I just say?" Gerard's hand gripped my neck tighter.

"I'm sorry." I finally managed to whimper; tears fell freely.

"Good girl."

My stomach churned, "Gerard, let me go."

"No." He actually ripped my panties off of me.

I began to sob, I felt so violated. This wasn't Gerard, this was some monster. My chest tightened as he pulled my skirt up. 

That's when it hit me, when he dropped his hand from my neck and began to fiddle with his belt buckle; "Gee, I'm pregnant."