Three Cheers

Gerard furrowed his brows at me, his eyes were dark, the white around them were red, and I could smell the vodka on his breath, and on his shirt. He dropped his hand, my skirt dropped, "You're lying." He growled at me.

"No, I swear. Look at the papers on the dresser." I pointed with a shaking hand.

He dropped his hand from my neck and went to the dresser. For a moment, he looked at the papers from the hospital and my doctor's appointment. He shifted through them angrily, I was still shaking and I couldn't move at all.

Finally he turned around, "Why didn't you call and tell me?"

I couldn't answer, my whole entire body was shaking. I was still back against the wall. I was waiting for him to hit me or go back to whatever he was gonna do to me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked again.

"Because..." I couldn't think straight, "Because... I was mad."

"You were mad?" He narrowed his eyes at me, "How far along are you?"

I shut my eyes, thinking, my whole mind was warped, "Uh... Uh, 4 months."

He looked me up and down and came over, I flinched when he pulled my blouse up. His free hand skimmed around my protruding belly. My heart hammered, his cold  fingers drummed evenly, "Oh man."

"Gerard," I swallowed thickly, "I think it'd be best if you just leave right now."

"Why? Why do you want me to leave?" He looked up at me, sorrow and regret written all over his face.

"Because, you hurt me, Gee. I want you to leave, now." I found my voice, but damn did it shake.

"I hurt you?"

I stared at him in awe, "You just put your hand against my neck, shove me against the wall and ripped my underwear off."

He stumbled back, "I... I'm sorry."

"Please, leave. Go." I stayed where I was, afraid to move.

I never thought I'd see the day where I would be afraid of Gerard.

"I don't want to."

"Go! I don't want you here!" I shouted at him, making my stomach cramp.

I wrapped my arms around my middle and whimpered. Gerard stepped forward and put his arm around me, "Are you okay?"

"My stomach." I muttered.

"Sit on the bed." He helped me sit, and looked down at me, "What's wrong with your stomach?"

"If you would've answered your phone last month, you'd know." I snapped softly.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I got an ulcer, stressing over you." I told him, "I called you, you didn't answer, then I called Mikey."

"Mikey ain't tell me." He mumbled.

I suddenly pushed him away from me, "Yeah, I know. Because, he told on you, he told me you were with a girl."

Gerard's entire face dropped. He became deathly pale and he swallowed thickly, "October, I--"

I shook my head, "I don't wanna hear it, okay? Just leave me alone."

"I was drunk--"

"No fucking duh." I spat angrily, "You're always drunk! That's why I want you to leave, I want you to go."

"So what? You want a divorce?" He stood up, looked at me with furrowed brows.

My lips trembled, "I don't know."

"Make a decision, October. Now."

I shook my head a little and shrugged. "No, of course not," I finally managed to say.

"Then I ain't leavin'." He crossed his arms, "You're carrying MY baby."

I stood up, "Yeah, you know what else? I can lose this baby, too!" He looked at me with a switched expression of confusion, "I almost lost it, I almost convinced myself to have an abortion."

"Why? Why would you do that?"

"Because, the medication, my baby, your baby, our baby, could die. I can't be stressed out, I can't take care of you, Gerard, that's why I want you to fuckin' leave."

"You don't want me no more, that's all you had to say." He turned his heel and went to grab his bags.

"No, that's not what I'm saying! I want to have our baby, I don't want to lose them. Do you know how much I love them? How much I love you too?"

"Fuck you, I don't believe shit you're sayin'." He picked up his bags, "Wish I never met you." 

It was like the biggest punch in the gut. I immediately began to tear up. I watched Gerard leave, walk down the hall, then the door slammed shut. 

I began to cry.


My feelings were all over the place; but for one certain thing I was sad and sick. I was so sure I would lose the baby, and I was waiting for it. I mean, I cried all the time, the medication made me sick and it was hard to eat. Instead of gaining weight I lost about two pounds in one week. Fran had come over and looked me over and had me weigh myself.

"Stop this! Stop crying over that asshole." Fran took hold of my shoulders, "You're going to lose your baby, is that what you want?"

"No, of course not." I mumbled.

"Then stop crying!"

I shook my head, "You didn't hear him, Frances," I began with a sob, "He said he wish he never met me."

That's when her anger and madness evaporated. Fran's face turned down and she wrapped her arms around me. She knows if I hadn't of met Gerard I would probably be dead. I would've killed myself with my cutting. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for Gerard.

"I'm sorry, love." She spoke softly, "He doesn't deserve you."

"I don't know what to do." I muttered, "I don't think the baby will live."

"Don't say that, October, the baby will."

"Even if they do, Gerard doesn't want to be with me. He hates me."

"He's mad that you made the decision to help you and your baby, and not him. He needs to help himself." 

I sat back on the couch and rubbed my temples, "I don't know what to do." I grumbled again.

"You buck up and stop this crying. You get better, screw Gerard." She told me softly, "I'll help you every step of the way."

I looked at her, "And... Do I divorce  him?"

She shrugged, "I don't know, love. You have to do what you feel is best; what your heart justifies as best."

I sighed, "I don't want to divorce him."

"Then don't. With due time, it'll all come together and you and Gerard will know what's best for you and your baby."

I nodded, "Thank you, Frances."

She pulled me into another hug, "You're welcome, love."