Three Cheers

It was more than 2 weeks since Gerard had left, and I still couldn't stop crying. I just kept replaying those 5 words in my head: Wish I never met you. It made my stomach hurt, made my head hurt, I just wanted all the pain to stop.

My stomach, it was healing, my baby was okay. My doctor told me I needed to eat more, that I needed to relax before he made arrangements to have me bedridden. I didn't tell him about Gerard, I just explained that it was my running the boutique that was knocking me out. He seemed to believe me and told me, more than enough times, to relax. I did try, I just couldn't stop crying.

My feelings were hurt. I felt like nothing. Gerard had beaten me so down, that even if I wanted to get over it I couldn't. 

I should've been use to the verbal abuse, you know? I was made fun of in high school, but it's a totally different thing when it's your husband. When someone you love more than yourself says something like that, it's not something you could brush off.

It makes me wonder what I did wrong. I wondered if he loved me anymore. I love him more than I should.

I felt like it was really, really over when he didn't call. He was off somewhere doing what he likes, and here I am worried about him. He didn't worry about me, he didn't worry about our baby. I worried myself to sickness about him. I was nearly suicidal after it all.

I tried not to let it show, but I had developed the habit of hurting myself. Not cutting, just snapping rubber bands on my wrist and pinching myself. The blood rush to the pinch or snap was better than nothing. I didn't want anymore scars; my doctors had seen them all and asked about them. At times they didn't believe that all of them were years old.

My biggest support in all this was Fran. She helped me so much, I swear I'd probably go off the deep end if she hadn't of been there for me. I was grateful for her.

The house was quiet, with and without Fran. She hadn't of moved in, she just stayed over a lot. She had helped me make up a nursery for my baby, and, when my parents arrived to visit, my dad helped too.

My mom, Jesus, she wouldn't get off my back about Gerard. No, I hadn't told her about our troubles, my dad did. 

"What're you going to do now, October? Didn't I say this would happen?"

I wanted to hit her.

"Mom, please, I have a headache."

"No, I want an explanation. Why are you in such a troubled relationship when before you two were so fucking happy? Remember that? We sent you away because of it."

I started to cry again. I sobbed a lot; I was starting to think my crying helped my baby become stronger, because they got bigger and healthier. Nothing was wrong with my baby.

"If you don't have anything nice to say, then please don't say anything at all." I finally mustered up and snapped at her.

God, my house was so thick with tension, it was like Gerard was back. But when they left to their hotel, my house was better, free of judgement. I was lonely, though...


My 6th month mark approached, and it had been a full 2 months that I hadn't spoke to Gerard. I knew he was off in Japan, I thought about him everyday. When I had gone to my appointment with Fran, and all through the ultrasound, I thought about him. 

I had seen my little baby before, but they were bigger. I would find out the sex, the best part of it all, and to check on the ulcer.

Dr. Grain, my obstetrician, had skimmed over my ulcer, "It's definitely smaller." He told me, "You're healing quite well, and your baby is just as well. We can hear the heart." 

I listened to it, as he turned it up; it sounded like an ocean. I almost started to cry again; because that's what I always did. It was such a wonderful sound, and I wished that Gerard had been there to hear it.

"That's so beautiful." Fran said with a grin.

"Yeah." I murmured.

"Would you like to know the sex?" Dr. Grain asked me as he pushed up his glasses.

"Yes, please." 

He skimmed around, pressing the scan to my belly, "Alright, October, it looks like you're having a little girl."

I smiled, just at the thought that I knew that I was having a girl. I instantly knew that the baby would look like Gerard, have his smile and his eyes. It made my chest hurt, and my eyes water.

I hid it and thanked my doctor.

Once I was cleaned up, I got the little photos, and we left. Fran had hugged me as we exited, "I'm happy for you, October!"

I smiled back at her, "Me too. I just can't believe I'm having a little girl."

"I knew it'd be a girl." She countered with a small laugh.

"I get to buy her little dresses and do her hair." I spoke airily and happily.

"Oh, we are gonna go all out for the little one!" Fran nudged me, still grinning.

"I sure am. I can't wait! All I have to do now is find a name for her."

"That's going to be tough." Fran hummed as we got to her car, "Wanna keep up with the whole month theme?" She joked.

"Name her June or April?" I smirked at her.

"Or January, May..." She trailed with a smirk back at me.

"No way... I want her to have a cute, funny little name."

"We can buy baby books." Fran suggested.

"Oh, yeah." I tweaked my lips, "We can do that. I am terrible at names."

"Yeah, I feel for little Kruger." 

I rolled my eyes, "He's got long claws, that's why I name him Kruger."

"Okay, love, no need to get all defensive."

"I just need to find a name that fits her."

Just as we pulled out of the parking lot, my phone began to ring. I reached into my purse and pulled it out; Gerard's name popped up. I bit my bottom lip, wondering if I should answer it.

"Gerard?" Fran asked me.

I looked up at her and nodded, releasing my lip, "Should I answer it?"

She shrugged, "Dunno..."

I sighed, "I'm not going to. What could be so important now? He hadn't called in months.

Fran patted my back, "I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself, October."

"Me too. I don't wanna be stuck on the same record with Gerard. We'll speak in person."


I was lying in my bed, drinking tea and going over the baby naming books. The girl names were all too similar and cliche. They all had seemed like they'd been used before, and I wanted something different.

I was near sleep when my cell phone rang. I hadn't really paid attention as I answered it. My finger on the B section of the names; "Hello?"

"October, I need to talk to you." It was Mikey.

"Oh, um, Mikey? What's up?"

"Why did you do it?" He asked me angrily, "I told you not to leave him!"

I furrowed my brows, "What the hell are you snapping at me for? He left me."

"He left you? Bullshit, do you know what you've done?"

"What the hell, Mikey? Don't blame anything on me, especially when I have no fucking idea what it is you're talking about!"

"Gerard tried to kill himself!" Mikey shouted at me, "This is all your fault! I told you he'd do something stupid!"

I put a hand to my mouth a moment, trying to comprehend what Mikey had said, "What?"

"Gerard tried to kill himself!" He repeated, "It's your entire fuckin' fault."

"I... Is he okay?"

"Why do you fuckin' care? I just called to let you know what you've done. You fucked up my brother's life, I swear." 

Then, click. He hung up.

I stared at the phone and then closed it. I was literally speechless and boggled.