Three Cheers

I called Mikey back, but he didn't answer, then I took the long shot to call Gerard. Of course, I got nothing. Then, I called Frank, he answered, "It's bad." He mumbled tiredly not even saying hello.

"What'd he do?" I asked softly.

"These past couple days he was acting like an asshole... He refused to perform last night, he hid under the goddamn stage, then he finally went out there and gave nothing. It was like he was dead..."

"What happened?" I pressed.

"He's been on coke, he was out of his mind, he's been up for two days. He went into his and Mikey's hotel room and took a bunch of Xanax pills. Ray found him, we took him to the hospital and had his stomach pumped."

Again, I held my mouth, "He's alright?"

"Physically, yeah... Mentally, no."

"Are you all coming home?" I asked dumbly.

"Yeah, Mikey and Gerard are leaving right now. Their mom is having Gerard checked into a hospital when he lands. Me, Bob and Ray are coming home in a few hours."

"God, Frank, I'm so sorry." 

"It isn't your fault, October. Mikey's blaming you, but we know Gerard left you."

"How?" I asked almost in a whisper.

"He told us. He said it was over."

"I just wanted him to get better, Frank. I don't wanna divorce him, I love him."

"He said you didn't want him anymore."

"It's not true, I swear. I wanted him to leave to show him I wasn't playing around. I'm pregnant, I don't want him drunk or stoned around our baby."

He sighed, "I get that."

"I know he probably hates me, Frank, but... If you talk to him, will you tell him that I'm having a girl?"

Frank chuckled, "Yeah, I will."

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry, too, October," Frank began slowly, "He's one of my best friends and I didn't think it'd get this bad."

"Me either."

"Don't worry, y'know, I'll talk to him, I promise."

"Thanks, again, Frank."

"No problem, October. Oh, and congratulations."

"Thanks." I exhaled a small laugh before we mutually hung up.

The stress of this wasn't as heavy as I anticipated. I felt relieved; Gerard was okay and he'd get the help he deserves. I felt that maybe this was some miracle decoyed as some tragedy. 

Gerard would get better and be the man that he needs to be for our baby. If he didn't want me anymore, fine, but he has a daughter think about now. 


When I told Fran about Gerard, she didn't know what to say. Of course, she was speechless too.

"Oh wow," She had said with a palm to her lips, "Will you go see him?"

"I don't know where he is. Mikey thinks its my fault." 

"It isn't your fault! How can he even say that?" Fran had furrowed her brows.

"He's mad, y'know, and he's scared. I'm scared too, I just think that maybe it was for the best. He can get help now."

"Yeah, there's that."

I coursed my hair back, "I wish I knew where he is... I wanna see him."

"Maybe you should call his mother?" Fran suggested.

I shook my head, "I can't. If Mikey thinks its my fault, she most definitely will point a finger at me."

"You did nothing wrong, October. You wanted him to get help, but he didn't want to."

"Now he's gone off the deep end." I added.

"Maybe Frank will know." 

I shrugged, feeling defeated, "I'll ask." I mumbled.

I was fighting myself inside again. I was torn up, I was scared. I just felt at the end of my rope.

I felt that maybe it wasn't worth fighting for anymore. Life had hit me with so much, I just didn't know if I'd survive anymore. I didn't know if I could take anymore.


I called Frank a couple days after everything, and found that Gerard was at him mom's. He had gotten out the hospital a day before and he wasn't talking. I was more afraid than ever to go see him; I didn't know what to expect.

I swallowed all of my pride and went to see him. My hands shook, so did my knees, and my stomach cramped and was queasy. My heart was ready to slide up into my throat at any moment.

I tried to be positive, I tried to think of the good. I wanted to tell Gerard that I had found a name for our baby, among the chaos. I was hoping he wouldn't be too mad at me, and that he wouldn't send me away.

When I had gotten to his mom's, my anxiety kicked in full gear. I was a mess upon a shaking leaf. I slowly walked up the walk way, then I approached the door, knocking quickly. I swallowed the nervousness and rang my hands as I waited. A moment later, Ms. Way opened the door; she didn't look too pleased to see me.

"October..." She said my name shortly, "I don't believe right now is a good time."

"No time will be." I quipped quickly, "I need to see Gerard. Please, I just... I need to talk to him."

Ms. Way sighed, tweaked her lips then stepped to the side, "He's down in the basement."

"Thank you."

She smiled tightly, "I want you two to work this out for the baby."

I nodded, making my way down the hall and the basement entry. I opened the door, then walked down the darkened stairs, hearing some music playing. I wasn't sure if he could hear anyone come down or knock.

When I reached the bottom, I saw him sleeping in his old bed. His room was bare, it was cold inside, despite it being late August. I looked around, but I eventually went to Gerard's side and nudged him. He didn't stir, but after a few more pokes he rolled over, "Leave me alone, ma." He grumbled, burying his head in his pillows.

"Uh, it's me, Gerard." I announced softly, "October."

Gerard's head shot up, he looked back at me, and I stood as fast as my heavy stature would allow. He sat up on his bottom, rubbed his eyes and looked at me, "Fuck you doin' here?" He spat.

My heart was breaking again.

"I came to talk to you..." I murmured.

"I don't wanna talk to you." He reached over to his bedside table and grabbed his cigarettes.

"I'm sorry for everything, Gerard. I did everything I had for our baby. I don't want to bring--"

He stopped me, "Have fun raising that kid the way you want." He muttered at me, lifting a cigarette to his lips.

"What are you saying to me?" I asked dumbly.

"You can raise that baby the way you like. I don't want anything to do with you or it."

I stared at him in disbelief, "What?" My bottom lip trembled.

"You deaf? I don't want your or that kid you're carryin'."

I felt my mouth go dry, "But--But this is your daughter too."

"So? Ain't my problem. You made the decision when you kicked me out. Now leave, have fun raising that kid." He blow a cloud of smoke in my face.

My heart literally broke into a billion pieces. It felt as if my world crashed in on me. My life was over.

"You... Can't mean that." I stammered.

"I mean it, now get the fuck outta here, I never wanna see you again." He laid back against his pillows and continued to smoke his cigarette.

"Gerard, please--"

"Fuck your pleases, I don't wanna hear 'em."

Tears rolled down my cheeks freely, "I only wanted the best for us."

"You're wasting your breath. Now, leave. Have fun alone."

I gave up. I didn't want to stand around and have him continue to belittle me. He didn't want me anymore, and what hurt the most was that he didn't want our daughter either.

I turned my heel, walked up the stairs, then out the door. I past by Ms. Way, "I'll, um have divorce papers for him by the end of the week."

Ms. Way frowned, "Is that what he wants?"

I shrugged, "I guess. He doesn't want me or my baby, so I figure. Goodbye." I walked out the door, feeling sick.