Three Cheers

Oddly, I didn't cry. I mean, there had been tears, but after they were dry, I felt in shock. I was living on autopilot, it was as if all that Gerard said hadn't of hit me yet.

When I had gotten home, I sat on my couch with Kruger. He seemed to sense my sadness and licked my palm. I sat in silence, the TV going, I gave my life some thought.

I thought about my impending divorce and the fact that I wanted to rid Gerard from my life. I thought about selling my clothing line and boutique and moving back to New York. I wanted to get away from anything having to do with Gerard, aside from my daughter.

My poor child, she wouldn't know her father the way she should. Gerard is selfish and all his hate towards me is being forced among her. She didn't deserve it, for my mistakes, she wasn't going to get the love she so badly deserved.

I was going to start her life with it being just us. I decided to name her Busy, I had seen it and thought it looked pretty. I figured then that she'd have my maiden last name, and when I filed for divorce I would have custody of her. I'm sure Mikey or Ms. Way wouldn't want to see her either. Moving away would be fitting.

I thought about moving to California to be near my family. I guessed that maybe being near them would be okay, but it would be the verbal abuse that made me change my mind. I didn't need more than one version of Gerard telling me what I did wrong.

I really just wanted to be left alone for a while. I didn't want to be married anymore, I didn't want to be a burden. I didn't want to be the nagging voice anymore.

As I made myself dinner and picked at my food, Fran came over. She had let herself in, then met me in my kitchen; "Did you see him?" She asked.

"Yeah. We're getting a divorce." I told her nonchalantly.

Fran frowned, "I'm so sorry, love."

I shrugged, "It's okay. The only sad part is he doesn't want Busy."

She furrowed her brows, "He doesn't want the baby? What kind of shit is that?"

"I don't care, I don't want to be with him no more," I lied, "I'm tired. I hate that I wasted my life trying to be the good wife."

Fran came over and hugged me, "I'm so sorry."

"I'm moving back to New York, I'm selling Merci and then I'm gonna start over."

"October," Fran looked at me with a worried expression, "That's a lot."

"I know, but I want to start over. Make a better life for Busy."

"Want me to come with you?"

I shook my head, "No, it's alright."

Fran sighed heavily, "I'm sorry about everything. You don't deserve all this mess."

"No, I just don't deserve to be happy."

"Yes you do!"

I shook my head, "Think about it; have I been happy in years?" She frowned slightly, "Exactly, so I'm just gonna live my life, give my daughter things I never had; love and happiness."

Fran shook her head, "I'm really going to kill him."

"The alcohol and drugs will beat you to it."


The following day, I went down to the courthouse and filed for legal separation from Gerard; I also filed to change my name back. Like I said, I wanted to rid myself of Gerard, and I was doing it. I filed the papers, then I had them checked out before I sent them to Gerard's mom's house.

The whole ordeal was pretty quick; within a week, my name was back and I was once again October Frederick. Gerard had sent the papers back to the courthouse and our divorce would be finalized within three months. All the while, I put our house up for sale, giving half the sales to Gerard, then I went and found a brownstone in New York with three bedrooms. I was surprised that Fran was willing to move in with me again. It seemed that my life was moving at a boring, snail's pace like I wanted.

My dad flew in during my 8th month to help me with setting up my baby's nursery. He hadn't said a thing about my divorce, but he had become over generous.

"I set up a fund for you and Busy," He told me as he and my brother, BJ, moved the crib in, "So you can have some money while you get back on your feet."

"Dad, it's okay, you didn't need to." I hated when people felt sorry for me.

"I'm doing it for my granddaughter." He put a hand on my shoulder, "I've got more than enough to spare."

"Thank you, dad." I hugged him quickly, "And, thanks BJ for coming."

"It's cool. I haven't been out in a while and I haven't seen you in years." He came over and hugged me next.

I was surprised that my brother didn't have a comment to say. I guessed that he felt sorry for me, too.

"Thanks, again." I mumbled once he let me go.

"Anything you need, October, we'll help." My dad reassured.

"I know." I gave them a tight smile.

I looked around my daughter's room, happy with the result. I had BJ paint it a rosy pink; the furniture was black, everything looked fitting. I had made the mobile of little sea animals myself, little cotton things that were quite easy. 

The only thing left to do was to have little Busy fill the room. And, Gerard was in the back of my mind, because he wouldn't be able to see her welcomed home. He has a choice and he simply doesn't want to see her. I need to get over it, but I couldn't. Walking in and past her bedroom made my heart break for my little girl.