Three Cheers

Gerard woke up the next morning as he usually did. He groaned, moaning about a headache. 

I got up from my side of the bed and made my usual trip to the bathroom; Tylenol and a Dixie cup of water. This pattern was routine; I could walk this path with my eyes closed.

I returned to Gerard, sitting beside him; "Here." I beckoned his hand out.

Gerard's hair stuck out at odd angles; he was sweating, his bare chest and stomach was slick with a thin layer of sweat. He stuck his hand out and I dropped two pills in his hand and gave him the Dixie cup. He swallowed them quickly, thanked me, then fell back into the pillows.

I shook my head at him, got up and went to the linen closet to get some towels to shower. I wanted to wash the feeling of anger and restlessness from my shoulders. I was so damn sick of his behavior. At that moment it took all of my strength to not throw my hands up and wave my white flag. I wanted to quit.

I wanted to tell Gerard he won the war.

But, being the good wife, I ignored it. I held my tongue and took a shower. I had to clean him up later and I wanted to have the energy.

As I washed my body, I heard and felt his feet shuffle heavily into the bathroom. His shadow cast over the glass panels of the shower door; "October, my headache's gone."

"Good, go drink some coffee." I told him off in a chipped tone

I did this because I was angry. I wasn't in the mood to fool around with him in the shower. Especially after the shit he pulled the night before.

"I don't want coffee." He tried to sound smooth.

I rolled my eyes as I saw him taking his boxers off in the foggy panel glass; "I'm not in the mood, Gerard." I sneered.

"What?" He opened the shower door; standing there in all his glory, he looked at me with darkened bags beneath his beautiful, dead eyes.

"I'm not in the mood." I stated with a tinge of annoyance to my voice.

"C'mon." He stepped into the shower.

"I mean it. I don't want you to touch me right now." I turned my back to him, rinsing the suds from my skin.

Gerard closed the shower panel door and stood at the end of the shower. He slowly stepped closer to me, I could feel his fingertips ghost across my lower back. As much as I would enjoy this, I was angry with him.

"I said no." I snapped at him, glaring with narrowed eyes.

"What the fuck, October?" He furrowed his brows and growled at me.

"I don't want to fuck you, okay?" I growled back.

He stepped away from me, silent as I finished washing my hair. Gerard put his hand in my shoulder just as I prepared to climb out; "What did I do?" He questioned, dipping his head beneath the spray of the water.

"You know what you did." I told him as I opened the shower door and stepped out.

He let out an aggravated sigh, I ignored it, grabbing my towel to wrap around my body and hair. I made sure Gerard had a towel, then I went entered our bedroom to dress. 

I grabbed my underwear and clothes from the closet, then got dressed. I had pulled my jeans up just as Gerard came into the room, towel round his waist, and water dripping from his messy hair and skin. He looked at me, giving me a curious look, I shook my head and pulled my t-shirt on.

"What did I do, October?" He spoke sternly, expecting me to answer right away.

"You know." I muttered.

He scoffed, rolling his eyes at me. He always did this. He acts so damn childish sometimes.

I looked at Gerard, watching him sink into the bedside drawer for his little bottle of vodka and pills. I walked over and snatched it from him just as he screwed the top off. He gave me glare, his jaw slacked; "This is what you're doing. This is what's pissing me off!" I took the bottle and threw it in our small waste bin.

"What the fuck?" He got up, holding the towel as he walked over to the waste bin, "I just bought this."

I frowned angrily, "You're such a pathetic asshole." I snapped at him.

He glared at me, placing the bottle opening to his lips, "What the fuck ever." He spat back.

I waved him off, "I'm out of here." I was always so vague with him, but he knew.

Gerard knew how I felt about his drinking. It was so damn obvious, even strangers could see the strain within us. It was so damn bad, he knew that it was bad and my anger was one of the reasons he knew.

I talked him about his drinking, more so when he was drunk, and all he could say was "I'll get better". Truth was, he wasn't getting better. If anything, it was getting worse, day by day.

A lot of the time, I contemplated -besides divorce- about drinking and taking pills like him. To numb myself up like him, but I couldn't do that; to him or myself. I believe it would make our relationship worse and I would start to hate and resent him.

I stormed off towards the hall bathroom to finish my hair and makeup. I didn't want to be around Gerard, and I felt myself starting to hurt and tears brim my eyes. I shut and locked the door behind me and grabbed the blow dryer.

As the blow dryer went on loudly, I let out little sobs. I freely let myself cry as I hurriedly dried my hair; I then stopped myself, turned the dryer off and put my hair up. I splashed my face with water, then I went to go get my makeup.

Gerard was getting dressed when I returned; he looked at me, then looked away, then back again quickly. His brows furrowed, I looked away from him and went to the vanity. "Why are you crying?" His voice came out low and soft.

"Why do you care?" I hissed at him; I grabbed my makeup, and began to leave, but he grabbed my arm.

"You're my wife," He muttered, "Why are you crying? I fuckin' care!"

"You know why." I told him.

He let out a sigh, "This ain't a big deal. I'm just drinking."

"No, you're destroying yourself." I told him, "You don't get it, and you probably won't." I shook my head, "I'm leaving. Call me if you can manage to stay sober."

I walked back to the hall bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me. I set my makeup on the sink and began to apply my makeup mindlessly. I tried not to think of Gerard as I did so, my emotions were all over the place and I found myself wanting to break down more than anything.