Three Cheers

Yeah, it was Gerard. I knew his palm like I knew my own. Even better than my own. 

I looked at him, unable to speak. I licked my lips, unsure of what to say. Finally I mustered; "Yeah?"

I looked at me, then at Busy, then at me, "Hi..."

I rolled my eyes and went towards the exit again. He didn't stop me... Until I was outside into the chilly air.

"October, wait a minute!" He called  after me, "Toby!"

I stopped dead in my tracks, and turned around, "Didn't I tell you not to call me that?"

He smiled at me, "I remembered."

"What do you want?" I asked sternly, wiping the smile from his face, "My baby is cold."

"Let's go to your car." He said.

"No, you go back inside." I turned around and kept walking.

"I'm just as stubborn as you, October, I'm gonna follow you." He taunted me.

"Go away, please." I said angrily.

"No. Not until you talk to me."

"I'm not going to." I sped up, heading to my car, where I unlocked it and opened the back seat.

Gerard, all the more a smart ass, got into my passenger seat and locked the door. I groaned, placing Busy into her car seat. Her eyes fluttered, "Mama," She called me that when she was worried, "We home?"

"Not yet, baby doll, just go back to sleep." She nodded, I placed a kiss on her forehead and strapped her in.

I placed my bag on the floor, then went to my driver side. I got in, seeing Gerard lit a cigarette; I ripped it out of his mouth, opened my door and tossed it. He gave me a funny look; "My daughter is in the car."

"Frank smokes." He furrowed his brows.

"He didn't light up while she was around."

Gerard gave me a smirk, "You must love him."

"Is that why you followed me? To give me shit?"

Gerard looked away, "No, I didn't."

"Then?" I asked.

"I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you."

"So? I haven't been waiting for your fucking approval. I'm doing what you told me, now you can get out of my car and go fuck yourself."

He sighed, "October, I'm sorry about what I said," I opened my mouth, but he pressed his palm to it, "I know sorry ain't gonna mean shit to you, but I mean it. I kick myself everyday for what I said."

His palm dropped, "Then why were you so quick to just divorce me?"

"Mikey put the files in, I didn't..." He combed his short, messy white hair back, "I signed them, but I wasn't thinking... I was so fuckin' pissed that you made me leave that I just signed them."

I frowned, "Do you know how much I loved you? I loved you so much, Gerard, I wanted to help you."

"I got clean after a few months, y'know, I just..." He rubbed his neck, "I did it when I found out you moved. After I saw the 12 grand from the house sale, I knew that you really left, I got clean. I wanted to find you and show you I could do it. But, after I failed, I convinced myself that it would be better that I didn't get involved, that our baby was better without me."

"She needs you more than you know." I told him sternly, "She isn't better without you. She is better off without the old you."

"Has she ever asked about me?" Gerard looked at me with a hopeless look on his face.

"One time. She asked me why her cousins had a daddy and she didn't."

"What'd you tell her?"

"I told her that you decided that she would be better with me than you."

He chuckled with a shake of the head, "Did she believe you?"

"She did, and that was the end of it. And, no one talks about you, good or bad. Fran, even though she wants to kill you, doesn't talk shit when Busy's around."

He smiled, "I guess I should be grateful, huh?"

"I suppose."

"Look, let me cut to the chase... Can I come with Frank tomorrow? I know it's a long shot..."

I looked at Busy, then back at Gerard. I was so angry with him, still, but I didn't want to. I quickly shook my head, "No."

He furrowed his brows, "What the fuck?" He growled.

"I said no. I'm not so sure it's a good idea... Does your girlfriend know about me or about our daughter?"

He looked at me, then at the floor. I didn't know what to think.

"You didn't tell her?" I asked.

He looked at me again, "I had to--" He stopped, "Had to sounds really bad..."

"Get out, please. I almost forgave you, too." I muttered angrily.

"October, hear me out, okay? I didn't mean it like that, she put me on the spot when Frank yelled at me about not talking to you. He said you had a store you named after our daughter and Eliza overheard--"

"And you had to out your secret daughter." I spat at him.

"It ain't like that, I just met her--"

"Don't matter. Get out of my car." I tried not to yell.

"October, please--"

I laughed, "Fuck your pleases."

Gerard sighed, "I'm sorry. I apologize a million times. You said it yourself, Busy needs me."

"She doesn't need you, she has me."

"You just said--"

"Yeah, I said, but I'm thinking of all the things you said. You said you didn't want her, you said horrible things that I can't get over." I felt myself tear up; that dreadful day played in my head.

Gerard brought his hand up to my cheek and he used his thumb to wipe away the tear that escaped. I moved my head away, "Please, leave. Get out."

"You're pushing me away again. This time, it ain't just me and you," He looked back at Busy, "And you ain't the only one who's gonna be hurt."

"She won't be hurt, you just stay away like you've been, and she'll be just fine."

"How can you even ask that of me? You're selfish and I think you're jealous."

I laughed, "Ha! Jealous of what? I don't want you, I don't need you and if I ever saw you again, I will run in the opposite direction."

"You're still a selfish bitch." He spat at me.

"I am not selfish, I'm saving my daughter from heart break." More tears escaped and I quickly wiped them away.

"You really think I'd hurt her? I'd break her heart?"

"Yeah, I do. Now, get out of my car."

"No, October, you're being unfair."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are!" He shouted and banged his fist against my dashboard.

That made Busy wake up and start to cry. I groaned, "See what you did?" I hissed at Gerard.

I climbed in the backseat, unstrapped Busy, grabbed her diaper bag and searched for her bottle; I quickly found it, gave it to her tired hands and let her suckle it. I rocked her tired body, I used my other hand to wipe her tears away, and I cooed her back to sleep. Once she was full, she pushed the bottle away, I put it beside me and and I lifted her to cradle her upright and burp her.

She finally did, "I burps." Busy mumbled in her sleep.

Me and Gerard laughed, I hate that I noticed, "I know, baby doll."

"We home, mama?"

"Not yet, I still need to get an idiot out of the car."

"Hurry up." She whined.

I smiled, "I'm tryin', babe."

I looked at Gerard, "Get out, please. She needs to go home."

Gerard sighed, "This ain't over, just because I'm getting out doesn't mean I surrender."

"Whatever. Bye." I rolled my eyes and continued to hold Busy until Gerard got out.

I placed Busy back in her car seat, buckled her up, placed a blanket over her and climbed into the driver seat. I started to drive home, getting on the freeway; just as I hit the exit home, I thought my phone started to ring. No, it wasn't my phone, because it was a totally different ring tone. I looked over and saw a cell phone shoved into the passenger seat of my car. I grabbed it, seeing Frank's name pop up; it was Gerard's phone.

I answered it, "Very fuckin' funny."

"You want to do it the hard way, October. And, I have a bunch of calls that need to be answered and made tomorrow." Gerard said this with amusement in his voice.

"You're being such a shit." I muttered.

"I assume you're getting home, so I'll let you go to put Busy to sleep. Take care of my phone."

"I'm gonna stick it in my purée blender. I'll have a cellphone slushee for you if you show up, motherfucker."

"You wouldn't, that thing is my life." He said with slight annoyance.

"Yeah, well my daughter is my life, and you wouldn't come near her if I got your "life" in my hand, now would you?"

"It's a figure of speech."

"And you keep talkin' with your foot in your mouth."

"Why can't you see that I'm better now?" He asked relentlessly, "Why won't you give me a chance?"

I shook my head, "Because you don't deserve one."

"We'll talk tomorrow. Have coffee made." With that he hung up.

"That son of a bitch." I tossed his phone on the seat and continued to drive.