Three Cheers

My mind was drifting, still to Gerard. I felt like my life was crumbling, I wasn't so happy anymore, but I love Gerard so much. My own mother had predicted this between us, and it was sickening me that it was coming true.

When I had told my parents that I had eloped with Gerard, they were furious. And, when I say they, I really mean my mom; my dad was happy and he congratulated me, but he was sadden that he didn't get to walk me down the isle. My mom went off on a rant about my stupidity and how Gerard would never amount to anything. She had said that our marriage wouldn't last 3 years... My stomach churns at the very thought of us only being two years in.

I held my head up, though, and put all the crap my mom said out of my head. But, as we began to fight more and more, her words slowly wormed their way into my ear cavity again. I hate the thought of her being right, aside from that, I didn't want my marriage to be over; not because of her, but because I'm madly in love with Gerard.

I tried to think of all the things that really caused him to drink. I knew that his Grandmother was part of it, but it was a lot more. Over the past two years, Gerard's mouth had been killing him, his anxiety about performing was sending him into shaking and breathing fits, and the pressure to do interviews and be this unlawful rockstar God was getting to him.

I knew that much. I had to help him.

I hung up the last of the clothing just as Becky and Jessica, my two employees, showed up and punched in. I waved to them, making small talk and showing them the new dresses, then I went to the back room to do inventory. Just as I had begun, the door of the back of the building opened and I heard someone come in.

"Who's there?" I called out.

"It's me, October," Mikey came walking in, "What happened between you and Gee?"

I sighed heavily, "We had another fight."

"Yeah, of course. But, what did you say? He's so wasted!"

I frowned, "And? He's always wasted."

Mikey shook his head, "No, this time he's really... Out of his mind. He said you're leaving him."

"I'm just going to stay at Fran's until he gets it through his head that I don't want him to drink." I informed him.

Mikey sighed, "I told you, Gerard will do something stupid if you leave him."

"I can't do it, Mikey!" I shouted at him, "Do you know what I go through? I have to pick him up off bar floors and pull all our weight to get him home. Then, I sit by the toilet, helping him vomit all the alcohol he consumes. So, don't give me any shit about Gerard."

Mikey stepped back, "Shit... I'm sorry, October."

I coursed my hair back, "It's fine... Where is he?"

"He's at my place."

"Give me a few minutes and I'll be over to talk to him." I muttered quickly.

"Thanks, October." Mikey gave me a quick hug before he skipped out.

I exhaled heavily once Mikey left. I leaned against the shelf and thought about what I would do about Gerard. There wasn't much I could do; he was drunk and he wouldn't listen to me.

I shook off my annoyance, put my things away and went to the front of the boutique. Becky and Jessica looked over at me, noticing the heaviness I harbored in my shoulders.

"What's up?" Becky asked, "You look tense."

I waved my hand off in the air, "I have to go deal with something. Hold down the fort as you guys usually do."

"Will do." Becky saluted me.

I thanked them, then headed out the back to my car. I got in and sat there a few minutes before I started it. I exhaled again, shaking my hair out; it was really weighing on me.

I pulled out of the parking lot, and began to drive towards Mikey's place. The house was the one he had shared with Gerard, only it was his and Ray's now. I took the familiar streets, then pulled up at the house within 10 minutes.

I parked, got out, and made my way up the porch. Before I could open the door, I heard loud yelling. Slurred words were the loudest, I knew it was Gerard. How he got wasted so fast is beyond me. He had a fucking talent.

I opened the door, seeing Gerard standing next to a turned over coffee table, spilled coffee on the floor and Ray cleaning it up. I frowned, "Gerard, what the hell are you doing?"

Gerard looked at me, a drunken smile filled his face, "Sugar, you came back!" His speech was heavily slurred.

I let him attach his arms around me. I hugged him back to please him, "Ray, I'm sorry."

"Take him home, please. I can't stand drunk Gerard." Ray looked at me once, then continued to clean up.

Mikey came out the kitchen carrying a mug of coffee. Gerard still hugged me, I tugged him off, "Gerard, I'm going to take you home."

"Are you going to stay?" He had these sad, puppy dog eyes.

I sighed, nodding defeatedly. Mikey handed the mug to Gerard, "Bro, drink this, you'll feel better."

Gerard took the mug and held it gingerly. I went over and helped Mikey turn the coffee table up right, and picked up the coffee mugs.

Here I was again, cleaning up Gerard's mess.

He watched us, sipping his coffee and swaying. I hated myself for wishing he'd fall over and burn himself. I shook those thoughts away and returned to him; "Better?" I asked him.

"I need to puke." He grumbled.

I took the mug from him, he hurriedly opened the front door and immediately threw up out on the porch. Ray gave a groan, Mikey sighed, and I went out to the yard, turned on the hose and began to rinse off the concrete. Gerard grinned at me, spit and vomit was smeared on his face, as usual, "Oh man, Oct-October, you're the best."

It took a lot for me not to roll my eyes at him. I turned from him, finishing the rinse, then turned the hose off. I went back into the house, "I'm sorry guys."

"Just take him home." Mikey told me softly.

I nodded, grabbing Gerard's arm, "Let's go, say bye to your brother and Ray."

Gerard waved lazily, feeling fatigued. I helped him to my car, shoving him into the passenger seat. I got into the driver side, started the car and pulled away.

Gerard leaned in the seat, moaning about a headache. My lips tightened in a line, keeping all my anger inside. Still, I couldn't stop those lame tears from piling up and overflowing. I was sick to my stomach of the hell Gerard was putting me through. I couldn't take it anymore, and he was selfish, he just wanted me to suffer with him.

I didn't utter a word to him after I pulled up at our home. I helped him out the car, handling him roughly despite his protests. I got him in the house, shoved him onto the couch, "Don't you dare throw up. You crawl your ass to the bathroom if you have to puke." I couldn't control my anger.

"You ain't gonna help me?" He asked with a sad tone of voice.

"No. You wanted to get drunk, and high, and whatever else, you can handle the consequences." I walked away from him.

"October!" He called after me, "Don't leave me! Please! I'm sorry."

I stopped in the hall, listening to him wail. I felt the heaviness in my chest, more tears rolled down my cheeks and my anger was bubbling over. I turned my heel and returned to Gerard; he was reeled over, moaning about his mouth, stomach and head.

I sighed, headed back to our bedroom and did my routine; Tylenol and water. I quickly went back to the living room as he called my name, and stop midway when I sat by his lap. I gave him the pills, then the cup; he swallowed it all quickly, letting out a moan.

"I'm sorry, I'll get better." He muttered drunkenly.

"I know." I mumbled.

Gerard sat up, rolling himself over to lie his head in my lap. I took in a deep breath, looking down at him; "Rub my head like you used to." He ordered with eyes closed.

I didn't say anything as I sunk my fingers into his messy dark locks. I slowly massaged his scalp with my fingertips, earning a soft, tired moan from him. I sucked my bottom lip in, rolling my fingers gently, he was slowly drifting off to sleep.

I leaned back in the couch, feeling my eyelids grow heavy. I kept my fingers in his hair, and I soon feel into a soft, quick slumber.


I woke up to the feeling of being light. I felt my body shifting, I opened my eyes, seeing dim lighting and then Gerard's face. He was carrying me, I sighed, rubbing my eyes.

I didn't say a word as he entered our room and laid me on the bed. I shifted my body, watching Gerard kick his shoes off; "Sorry I woke you up."

"It's okay." I looked over at the clock; it was 5 PM.

"I'm not drunk." He mumbled.

I nodded my head, watching him climb in the bed over me. He laid back, exhaling heavily. I looked at him, turning on my side to face him, "Gee, you know I love you, right?"

He looked at me, "Yeah, I know. I love you, too."

"I want you to get better."

His eyes searched mine for a moment, shifting slowly, then he looked at the ceiling; "What if I didn't want to get better."

I furrowed my brows, still looking at him. "What do you mean?" I asked sharply.

"I don't want to stop drinking, October." He muttered effortlessly.

"Why not?"

"Because I like to drink. What's the big deal?" Gerard finally faced me again.

"You're killing yourself." I told him angrily, "You're killing me." I sat up, "I don't want you to be this... This man anymore!"

He sighed, "It ain't a big deal. Let me do my thing."

"Your thing? Being an alcoholic isn't a fucking thing!" I jumped from the bed and looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"You're making it a big deal, when it isn't." Gerard sighed.

"Do you want me to divorce you?" I asked him quizzically.

If he did, I didn't want to hear the answer. I think I'd break down.

"No," He sat up and began to get off the bed, "I want you. I want to be myself. Just let me--"

I shook my head, "No! I don't want to live like this anymore, Gerard. I hate seeing you--

He cut me off, "You don't have to. You don't have to pick me up, I can do it myself."

"I love you, Gerard. I will do anything for you, I don't want you to be like this." I stressed this as he made his way over to me.

"Listen to me, I can take care of myself. You ain't gotta worry." He took hold of my arms, "We're young, we should be having fun."

"What about your health? What if we ever have a baby? And, what if this spirals out of control?"

He shook his head, "It ain't. I'm just having fun. I promise, I'll stop drinking during the day. My mouth is starting to kill me, and you know it's the only thing that makes me feel better."

I started to cry, because there was no way he would sway. There was no way that he would listen and try and stop. It hurt, it made me feel like I was failing him.

"What if I started cutting myself again?" I challenged him quietly.

I looked up at him, his brows furrowed, "No. You aren't going to do that."

"Why not?"

"Because, that's a lot worse than what I'm doing." His fingers tightened around my forearms.

"How is it different? It's destruction."

"No, you're making yourself bleed and making these ugly scars on your wrist and thighs. I'm not letting you do that, and if you do, I'll never forgive you."

I frowned, letting more tears pool and fall. I hung my head, I felt so beaten down and defeated. I pulled my arms from him, but he yanked me back.

"Don't." He muttered, "I'm sorry, but this is how it's going to be."

"How can you even say that?" I looked up at him; the tears burned my eyes and my cheeks.

"I love you more than I love myself," He spoke softly, he bowed his head to kiss my cheek, then the corner of my mouth, "You're more important than I am." His mouth moved to my lips.

I kissed him, "No I'm not. We're equal." I spoke quickly.

He shook his head, his lips brushed against mine, the pads of his thumbs caressed the inside of my wrist. I swallowed thickly, kissing him again.

Gerard and I didn't part as he led us to the bed again, and pressed my back on the mattress. He stayed atop of me, kissing me gently, rolling his tongue against my lip. I opened my mouth, welcoming him in, my mind wiped of the last couple of hours.

Gerard's hand rolling down my arms, to my waist, where his hands slipped beneath my shirt and to the top of my jeans. His fingers quickly undid the button and zipper, and his hand slipped inside. He pulled his lips from mine, keeping a tiny distance from them, his eyes scanned mine; "I'm sorry if I hurt you." He murmured.

I didn't reply, my mind was clouding from the way he hand was caressing my lower half. I whimpered softly feeling his hand slip past the liner of my panties. He smiled crookedly, his finger touched me gently, he propped up on his elbow and watched me.

I squirmed beneath him, watching him move quickly; he removed my jeans, keeping his hand in my panties and his fingers fiddling with my sensitive skin. He mouth kissed at my pelvis, his teeth scrapping the ultra sensitive areas. I held my breath as he yanked my panties down, his warm breath shook me as he lowered his face between my thighs. His mouth left sloppy wet love trails up and down my bare thighs, I sucked in my lip as I watched his tongue flatten out beneath my navel and spelled something. "What're you doing?" I asked in a shaky breath.

"Spelling my name." He said with a devilish smirk.

I whimpered again, I put my hands on his shoulders, retaining the force to buck my hips. Gerard dipped his head to my middle, trailing his tongue down to it. My breath hitched when I felt his tongue flatten on the most sensitive part of me.

I moaned his name, tossing my head back and sinking my hands in his messy head of hair. He gave a soft laugh, making me moan again and buck my hips. His hands squeezed my thighs, digging his fingernails in my pale flesh.

Gerard forced his tongue inside of me, his hand planted a top of my pelvis, rolling his thumb over my nub with force. I groaned, mewing loudly with my head forced into the pillows. Gerard pulled my leg up on his shoulder, my toes curled, he buried his face deeper within me, making me cry out.

"Right there!" I managed to mangle out.

Gerard again laughed, his teeth nipping at my sensitive folds, my skin feeling as if I had jolts of electricity zooming in my blood stream. I called out to god, gripping my fingers in my bed sheets and Gerard's hair.

I bucked my hips, forcing Gerard's face in me as far as he could get. I felt my little bundle of goodness growing. I held my breath, gripping Gerard's hair as he jabbed his tongue, his thumb caressing circles, I was going to lose it.

"Oh god." I muttered, feeling my peak, "Oh Gee."

Gerard's hand held my hip, his teeth nibbled harder, I moaned louder, feeling it. My breathings was hitching again, my throat growing tight, I finally felt it. I bucked my hips high, letting out a moan and exhale as my hips shook. My grip on the bed sheet and Gerard's hair loosened; his hand rubbed my middle, helping me lower from my high. He leaned up, kissing my thighs, my hips and my navel, before he kissed up my sternum and to my collar bones.

His lips attached to my neck, sucking at my skin, leaving a mark. I ran my hand up his back, beneath his shirt, and kissed his head. Gerard moved off of me, his hand squeezed my hip, and he moved his hand up my shirt, feeling my breast over my bra.

"You forgive me?" He asked softly.

I hummed, nodding, and brushed my lips to his jaw.

I'm such a sucker for Gerard. I can't help but to let him get away with whatever. I love him more than anything else on this planet.