Three Cheers

I left Gerard alone with Busy, while I got the last bit of my work done. I had decided to bring a manufacturer into my business, it was a fucking load to talk to them. Busy always needed my attention, so with Gerard distracting her, I could finish without any interruptions myself.

I was deep into my emails and typing, I was startled when I heard knocking on my door. I looked up, seeing Gerard; he smirked at me, "Busy's asleep."

I looked at my clock, "Shit, did you feed her?"

He nodded, "Yeah."

I rubbed my neck, "God, time went by fast. How come you guys didn't come get me or something?"

He started over to my desk, "I knew you were working hard, so I bribed Busy."

I leaned back in my computer chair and loosened my bun, "Quit bribing her, she isn't milk."

He raised his brow, "Milk?"

"Quit spoiling her, Gerard."

He chuckled, "She is my daughter."

"You positive?" I shot him a glance.

He gave an annoyed grunt, "Don't start with me."

"Just sayin'." I mumbled.

Gerard came and sat on the edge of my desk, "I said sorry."

"I'm tired of hearing sorry." I muttered, pinching the bridge of my nose a moment.

"What do you want me to say, then?" He asked shortly.

"Don't say anything at all." I shot back.

"You wonder where Busy gets her attitude from? From you." He stood up, "I really hate how fucked up you're being."

I furrowed my brows, "I'm being fucked up? I'm being fucking honest with you."

Gerard stared at me, his brows relaxed, "What the hell are we doing? Why do we argue?"

"Because you start it."

He smoothed his hair back, "I hate arguing with you."

"Same here, buddy." I muttered.

Gerard came back over and sat back in the spot he had before, "I love you." 

I raised my brow unimpressed with him, "Yeah, and?"

"I didn't mean what I said. The things Mikey said got to me, alright? I was upset, I want to start over."

I exhaled, "We tried and we failed. The only thing you and me will ever be good at together is raising Busy."

"Don't just... Don't say it like that. We can work out." Gerard scooted closer.

"Says you. You're too... Wrapped up in your own insecurities to be with me."

He looked at me with confusion, "What?"

"You worry about what people say about you, now that you're a star. I can see it, I'm not stupid. I'm not what you need, well, what your image needs." I mumbled.

Gerard stared at me in disbelief now, "Are you joking?"

I shook my head, "No."

"My image don't bother me. I do what I want and what makes me happy. And, right now, what makes me happy is you and Busy."

I didn't have a response to that. I sighed and spun my chair away from him. Gerard stood, he made the short distance to me and spun my chair around so I could face him. He leaned down, close to my face, "I love you, October. You don't believe me?"

I chewed at the inside of my lip before I answered, "I don't know what to believe."

"Are you happy?" He asked suddenly.

"I have Busy, of course I'm happy." I answered him truthfully.

He leaned in closer, "What about with me?"

"You confuse me." I felt my heart began to pace quickly.

"Let me make you happy." He said against my lips.

I shook my head, our noses brushing, "I can't let you... You always end up hurting me."

Gerard swallowed thickly, "Please? I'll try and not be an idiot." He pressed his lips to mine, "I love you so much." He spoke against my lips again.

I was fighting myself internally. I can't help but to let my guard and anger go when he was this close. Gerard sent my mind through a maze; every time I hit a dead end, I wanted to smack him in the face. But, as soon as I hit the trail ways consistently, I wanna kiss him. Gerard always sent me through a ray of different emotions.

I don't have only myself to think about any longer. Before when I would push him away, it was alright, now, it wasn't. I wanted to give Busy the image of family I barely ever had. Gerard never had that either... Do we owe it to Busy to make this work between us? Of course, it's not me fucking it up.

"God, why do you do this to me?" I sputtered once his lips kissed at my jaw, "Why, oh why?"

Gerard lifted his head, "Because I love you. I only want you."

"I wish I were stronger." I mumbled absentmindedly to myself, "Please don't do this to me."

Gerard didn't listen, or he did and chose not to care. He moved his mouth to mine, gently flicking his tongue against my bottom lip so I'd open my mouth. I reluctantly obliged, cursing myself, but at the same time, not caring.

I am such an idiot.

Gerard broke our kiss and stood up, pulling me with him. He quickly maneuvered me to my desk, lifting me onto it, while I was in a daze. I watched and listened as he loosen his clothing, causing my stomach to tense. I didn't know if I did or didn't want him to stop. My head and my heart were in states of their own.

Gerard began to pull at my jeans, unbuttoning and zipping them down. I lifted my hips to help pull them down my legs; I guess I didn't want him to stop. Gerard placed his hands on my hips, moving his hands up my sides, his mouth pressed against mine again. I moaned softly when his hands landed on my breast, kneading them beneath my bra.

"What am I doing?" I said to myself when Gerard pulled my shirt over my head.

Gerard brought his mouth to my neck, leaving warm kisses there. I bit at my bottom lip, a smile was emerging. He unhooked my bra and pulled the straps down my arms and away from my body, tossing it to the floor. He placed his hands back on my hips and pulled my panties down; panic set in when my bare skin came into contact with the wood of my desk.

"I am going to kill you," I said to Gerard, "Out right murder you." I muttered.

Gerard let out a laugh, he poised in front of me and in between my legs. He took hold of them, placing them on his hips, "I can't help how I feel about you."

My mind was all over the place, not one single train of thought. But all of it went away when Gerard pushed into me. It was like these thoughts burst away, and the only thing on my mind was pleasure. I wanted to kiss, touch, feel every part of Gerard then. I felt almost euphoric; it's crazy.

My arms wrapped around his neck, clawing at his clothed back. I moaned loudly, causing Gerard to shut me up with a kiss. I shut my eyes over, arched my back and clung to Gerard like he was my life boat.

Our kissing was heatedly, his pace picked up slowly, causing knots in my stomach to tighten. I pulled from his mouth and panted, licking my lips, "Oh fuck." I tossed my head back and whined; I bit down on my lip.

Gerard's pace quickened, his mouth hung open, close to mine and I kissed him, small kisses that fueled me. I was tightening my grip on his back as my orgasm peaked, and cried softly against his jaw when I was almost there. He sputtered a curse, "I-I can't..."

I bit down on my lip as my orgasm hit and I felt Gerard tense up and release. We both let out loud moans and sighs; our bodies tired and empty. Gerard pulled out and weakly began to pull his boxers and jeans up.

I sat up, letting my shaky legs on the floor and grabbed my clothes; Gerard handed them to me. I coursed my hair back and fanned myself. "Shit." I mumbled.

Gerard came over, wrapped his arms around me and kissed my flushed face, "I want to be everything you need." 

I could only look at him with uncertainty, unable to come up with a reply. I turned around, took his hand and led him out the room to my bedroom. I needed to shower and I didn't want him to leave.


Again, I was in that pattern of loving Gerard. He and I slept in my bed together, feeling each others skin. We kissed, we touched, we explored, but didn't talk. The only sounds that came out were little sighs of pleasure.

I couldn't tell if I hated myself for this or not. My entire body was feeling one way and my mind was feeling another. I couldn't get a grip on what I truly wanted; other than I wanted Gerard, and that I loved his dumb ass.

I love his goofy, idiotic smile. I love that face he gets when I kiss him. I love the way his mouth curves funnily. I love everything about him. Yet, a lot of what I love made me hate him, too.

His actions made me mad. I hate his actions; that sounds better. 

I want to hit him, but then I'd feel bad and kiss him. I'm sure if I were to kill him, I'd miss him. There is just so much I feel for him.

He made me feel so damn complicated. It's probably not all that complicated. He made my head hurt.

"Don't be mad at me." Gerard held me from behind, his hand on my stomach, "Please, October."

"It's hard not to." I conceded.

"Look, I'll do whatever you want me to, I swear. I'll call Mikey and make him stop his little tirade against you."

I shook my head, "Why does he hate me?"

"He still thinks its your fault for all that shit I went through." Gerard replied.

"It wasn't my fault." I muttered angrily.

Gerard squeezed my waist, "Yeah, I told him, but Mikey is hardheaded."

I sighed, "Things between us, Gerard, aren't going to ever be the same--"

He cut me off, "Don't start, October."

I continued, "We can try, but really, I think we're kidding ourselves. We aren't teenagers, we aren't married --things aren't how they used to be. So, for now, just be a good dad to Busy."

Gerard sighed again against my neck, "I will, always, I swear on my life, October."

"That's all I ever want from you."

He hummed, kissing the back of my neck, "I will."