Three Cheers

Busy and I lounged on the couch while Gerard had gone to shower. It had been a day after my appointment and my body was still reeling from it all. I really was happy that Busy didn't mind coming and lying on the couch with me. She had slipped onto my lap, wrapped her arms around me and rested her head against my shoulder. It was the sweetest gesture that I gladly accepted.

Sure, she wanted to play, but it was kind that she knew how exhausted I had been. So, she just laid with me, her little hands holding mine. 

"B, do you want me to get up so we can play?" I asked her.

She shook her head, "Happy loves nappin'." She told me.

I smiled, kissing the back of her head, "Thank you for napping with me."

"Likes it. You warm, mama." Busy snuggled closer to me, "Yous smells good too."

I laughed softly, "Thanks, B."

Busy and I watched cartoons until Gerard came back in. He had a few blankets in his hand, me and Busy both looked at him curiously. "Whatchu doin', daddy?" Busy asked.

"I'm gonna make a bed for us on the floor." He told her, "You can lay between me and mama."

Busy sat up, cheering, "Yay!"

I giggled softly, sitting up, too, "Sounds fun. Do you need help?"

He shook his head, "Nah, I got this, Sugar."

Busy and I watched Gerard make a thick patch of bedding for us, then waved us over. Busy bounced towards the bed he made, then I went over. Gerard laid down, then Busy, then myself; B was between us.

"This is nice." I said softly.

Busy sat, "Happy!" She called; her puppy came pouncing over and climbed onto her lap, "Better."

I laughed softly, looking over at Busy pet her puppy. Gerard looked over, "How you feeling?"

"The pain is gone." I told him.

Busy looked at me now, "I sorry." 

"It isn't your fault, baby." I kissed her forehead.

"I sorry still." She told me.

"Thank you." I smiled at her, "Mama is gonna get better."

"Then we play lots?"

I nodded, "We'll play until we can't anymore."

She grinned, "Wow!"

Gerard chuckled, "Just like we used to."

We all grew silent as the TV played more cartoons. It wasn't too long before Busy fell asleep; I was right behind her, but my brain wouldn't will me to sleep. I yawned softly, looking back at Gerard, he was staring at me.

"You still scared?" He asked curiously.

I shook my head, "Not really." I replied.

"I am... Just a little."

"I'm only worried about Busy. She's all I think about, I don't care what happens to me, I just want her to be okay." I told him truthfully.

"I'll take care of her, October."

I felt tears pool, "I don't want to go while she's just a baby. She won't remember me."

Gerard rolled over, his hand reached my cheeks, wiping the tears away, "You aren't gonna go anywhere, October." He said sternly, "I promise."

I shook my head, "You don't know."

"I do know," He didn't let up, "How many times are we gonna have this discussion?"

I frowned, "Fine, I won't say anymore about it."

He shook his head, "October, I know this shit is hard on you and is depressing, but I hate hearing you say shit about dying. You ain't dying, alright?"

I say the desperation in his eyes and voice. I nodded shortly, "I'm sorry, Gee."

He sighed, "Don't be sorry. I'm sorry you gotta go through this shit, no one deserves this, especially not you."

I gave him a weak smile, "Life's a bitch."

He smiled back, "Yeah, I know it."

I licked my lips, "I kinda wish I had another baby before this, y'know? I don't know what'll happen, I possibly can't have kids anymore. I wish we would've had another one before... But, sometimes I'm glad we don't."

"Because of what an asshole I used to be?" I shrugged sheepishly, "Me too, but Busy's enough. She keeps me on my toes."

"I'd love to give her a little brother or sister one day." I replied quietly.

"We will." He said, "Even if we gotta adopt or pay somebody to carry it."

I laughed, "Are you serious?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I told you, October, I want a bunch of little you's running around."

I smiled at the thought, "I can only hope."

He ran his hand up and down my arm, "It will happen, Sugar."


My biopsy was scheduled on that Thursday, and I was a walking wreck. It wasn't major surgery, it was a simple procedure, over within an hour. I think I was worried about that they'd find.

Before Gerard and I left Busy with Fran, I kissed her face until she told me to stop. She had grimaced, but let me kiss her once more before we left. On the car ride, I rang my hands and mentally prayed; I prayed for Busy and for nothing to go wrong. I had taken deep breaths, I had done everything but break down. Believe me, I wanted to break down and scream and cry and ask God why me, but I wouldn't allow myself to.

Once we got to the clinic, Gerard wrapped his arm around my shoulder. There was obvious whispers as we entered, I'm sure they must've been fans or knew who Gerard is. I tried to block it out as I sighed in, then took a seat with him.

He kept his arm around me, letting me rest my head on his chest, focusing away from the people staring. His hand trailed up and down my bare arm, his other took my hand and gave it a squeeze. "You'll be here when I get out?" I whispered to him.

His chest vibrated with a hum, "Yeah, I'll be right here, Sugar."

My stomach tensed at the thought, the pain in my lower abdomen throbbed. It was pain I was used to, but it hurt nonetheless. I squeezed Gerard's hand gently, trying to radiate the pain elsewhere, hoping it'd go away soon. Gerard kissed the top of my head, whispering, "I'm sorry." Over and over. I could only kiss him back, and bare it.

After a few more minutes of waiting, I was called back. I stood up, Gerard followed, the nurse noticed, "Your husband can wait in the prep room with you." She told me.

I felt some ease, leading Gerard in with me. The nurse gave me a gown, once we were in the prep room, telling me change. "We'll be back in a few minutes to give you a small IV and take you down."

I nodded, "Thank you."

She pulled the curtain back, and I began to undress. Gerard helped me, he folded my clothes, setting them on the chair beside him, "You okay?" He asked his infamous question.

I nodded again, to him, "Yeah."

He tied the gown in the back for me, "I love you." He said softly.

I turned back to him, "I love you, too, Gee."

He helped onto the hospital bed, and put the sheet over me. My stomach knotted, my heart rate began to pick up speed. Being in the bed made it real, that I was going in for a biopsy, to check if I have cancer. It was scary, it was like Russian roulette, you don't know what'll happen next. Again, Busy was the only thing on my mind, her funny little face stuck in my head.

"Call Busy for me." I told Gerard.

He didn't hesitate to grab his phone and dial Fran. I waited patiently as Gerard explained that I wanted to speak to Busy. He handed me the phone, as soon as I pressed it to my ear, I heard her little voice stretching out a "Hello?"

"Hi Baby." I said softly, sniffing back tears.

"Hi mama! Is you all better?"

"Not yet, B. I just called to talk to you."

"Yous silly." She giggled, "I miss you."

"I miss you, too. I can't wait to get home."

"Me too. Auntie Franny dunno how to play tea party like yous do."

I chuckled, "Teach her some, baby."

"'Kay, I is. You comin' back?"

"Soon, B."

"Hurry!" 

I smiled, "I am." A nurse came in, "Oh, I gotta go, now, B. I love you."

"Loves you, mama."

"Say Bye to daddy." I handed Gerard the phone.

The nurse smiled as she prepped my arm, "You have a daughter?"
I nodded, "How old is she?"

"2, she acts much older." I said with a exasperated laugh.

She stuck the needle in a protruding vein, "Most do." She chuckled, "Alright, this bag is emitting pain and sleep medication. The procedure is about 30 to 45 minutes, but you will have to sleep off the drugs we give you. So you'll be here for maybe a little over an hour or so." She explained.

I gave a nod, and Gerard spoke up, "Where are they making the incision?"

"Right below her belly button." The nurse told him, "It's about an inch long, it won't leave a scar, you'll barely notice or feel it."

"That sounds harmless." Gerard replied with a small, relieved smile.

I took his hand and squeezed it, "I'm still nervous."

He kissed my hand, "You'll be fine."

It didn't take long before the sleep medication began to pull me out. That was the last thing I really remember before I fell asleep. I was surprised that I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be.