Three Cheers

My chemotherapy session came the following day. I was nervous as hell, even with reassurance from the doctors. I felt sick almost immediately.

My only thought was that I shouldn't be going through this. I was ignorant to the idea that I should be in such a predicament. I was so sure that it was all a mistake, that the doctors made a mistake.

After that, I was angry with God. I hated him. I didn't want to believe that God was such a cruel spiritual being, but then I cursed him. I didn't believe in him anymore. I cried over that thought; I was mad at him and myself.

Every week, after my treatment, I felt weaker; I stayed with my parents. It was hard to get up and wash myself, so it was twice as hard to pay Busy any attention. I wanted to sleep most of the day, and I did. I didn't have the energy to talk, and to eat was a chore as well, and, as the weeks progressed; I lost weight, my hair started to fall out and I was taking a bunch of pills every other hour.

My poor baby girl, Busy, cried a lot too; she hated to see me so sick. She would ask my dad if I was gonna die like her old goldfish had; my dad had told her that I was just sick and that I would be better soon. She really freaked out when she saw I was losing my hair and how pale I was. Still, she came and laid in bed with me, she spent a lot of time with me in that bed, talking and drawing with me.

Any ounce of energy I had was forced because I wanted to be with Busy. If she wasn't here, I would've laid down and died. But, I had her, and I wanted to live with her.

Busy talked to Gerard everyday when he would call; I was either asleep or too tired to talk. I didn't do it on purpose, my body was just overly rode. 

Nearly two months had gone by, and my energy was slowly building. Even so, I only played with Busy and went to my appointments; I didn't socialize. I was afraid to look in the mirror, just out of ignorance and anger of how I looked. I was so sure I looked a sight, so I didn't bother.

Busy had helped me get dressed the day of my usual chemotherapy session, "Mama, you looks pretty."

"Even without eyebrows?" I joked.

She touched my face, "Uh huh." She nodded, "Youse beautiful."

I kissed her cheek, "Thank you, baby."

"Daddy say he call today, you talk to him?"

I shrugged, "Maybe."

"I tell him youse too sleepy."

"Thank you, B." I murmured.

"You not tired when you come home, can we play?" She grinned at me, pleadingly.

I smiled and nodded, "Yep."

Busy hugged me, "Good!"

"I gotta go now," I said softly, "I'll be back, make sure you eat lunch, okay?"

She nodded, while I helped off the bed. I followed Busy down to the living room where my mom was waiting to drop me off. Busy ran over to my dad so they could play; "Bye mama, I love you!"

"I love you, too." I sighed, then turned to my mom, "Let's go."

My mom followed me out the house and to her car. I got in the passenger seat, and rubbed my eyes. My mom got in, started the car, then backed out, "How are you feeling?" She asked.

"Not as tired as usual. I hope it lasts, I want to play with Busy."

My mom smiled, "That little girl is so lovable, October," she cooed, "She loves you so much." 

"I love her, too." I said softly.

"And she honestly cares about you."

"I know, and I'm appreciative. I'm glad I have her."

My mom kept her eyes on the road, "I never thought it'd be this way," She spoke softly, "I didn't think Busy would mean so much."

"She means the entire world to me."

"I know she does, and that's why I'm surprised. I didn't think Gerard could create a passionate child."

I sighed heavily, "I raised her."

"Thank God for that." My mom muttered.

I shook my head and bit my tongue. No matter what, my mom will always think Gerard is the bad guy. It'll never change for her; no matter how much Busy and I love him. Maybe there was no changing her mind; I don't care, really, what she thinks anyway. 


My treatment went as it usually does. I didn't really like to speak to the others in the room with me. I know it seems rude, but at any minute, I was sure that I would burst into tears at the mention of why I was there. I didn't want to get too personal with the other women, but I never let off any unfriendly vibes. I usually sat there with Gerard's iPod and waited for the treatment to end.

Today, when my treatment was over, a nurse gave me a card. I had taken the earbuds from my ears and looked at her, "What's this?"

"It's a support group." She said softly, "I see that you usually keep to yourself... I don't think you should."

I smiled nicely, "Thanks."

"I hope I'm not coming off as pushy or rude. It's just my mother had breast cancer and she never talked about it with me, and the support groups helped me a lot."

I thought about it, then looked at the card with the dates and directions of the meetings, "I... I'll think about it."

"I'm Lonnie," She said softly.

"I'm October."

A shy smile appeared on her face, "Yeah, you're a pretty hot topic around here. I know who you are."

I looked at her nervously, "Oh... Is it bad?"

"No," she shook her head, "Everyone knows your daughter's father; Gerard Way."

I smirked slightly, "Of course."

"Well, it's a shock really, because he cares a lot about you." She smiled, "The way your daughter talks about him and you, it's sweet."

"I really love him." I reflected absentmindedly.

"Well, it was nice talking to you," Lonnie patted my shoulder, "Have a good day, October."

I nodded, "Thanks, you too."

I left the treatment center afterward, heading down the hospital lobby. I smiled when I saw Busy sitting in a chair kicking her feet back and forth. "Busy." I called her name.

Busy looked up and ran over to me, "Mama!"

Busy hugged my waist, and I hugged her. I picked her up carefully and kissed her face, "What're you doing here?"

"Gandpa take me to eat and we gets you." She explained.

"Where's Grandpa?"

"There." She pointed to my dad coming from the bathroom.

I went over, my dad turned and smiled, "Finished?"

"Yep." I nodded.

"Alrighty, let's go."

I followed my dad out to his truck, and got in. I strapped Busy in, my dad started up the truck, "So how was it?"

"Same old thing." I said with a shrug.

"Gerard called," He said a minute later, "The band is coming to Santa Barbara, he's gonna come see you."

I smiled slightly, "Really? But that's kinda far."

"Daddy say he drive all night." Busy said animatedly.

"I don't want him to be tired." I thought out loud.

"That's what I told him, but the boy is stickin' to it." My dad chuckled, "He's more committed than I thought."

I smiled at the thought of having Gerard back, but then I instantly grew self conscious. I looked... Different; I don't have hair and I'm deathly pale. I wondered how I could pretty up this mess.