Three Cheers

"I ain't gonna do that."

I pushed at Gerard, "You're a stupid man."

Gerard climbed off of me, "Yeah, so what? I'm still here, I still love you."

I swallowed thickly, "What if I told you I didn't love you anymore?" My sadness was going beyond what I had ever had.

Gerard's eyes turned to this sadden glare, his lips thin, "I wouldn't believe you." 

"Just go away, Gerard." I rolled over onto my right side.

The bed shifted as he sat up, "No. I ain't going anywhere."

"You're so stupid." I mumbled, more tears fell, "I'm stupid."

"How come when shit is going good, it always turns?" He grabbed me, forcing me to look up at him, "I'm taking you to the hospital."

"No, you're not."

"Then tell me what's wrong." 

"Just leave me alone." 

"No."

He sighed, "Is it Eliza?" I shook my head, "What is it then? Do you feel sick?"

"No."

"Are you lying?"

"No."

"Can you say something other than "no"?"

"What do you want me to say, Gerard?"

"To tell me what's wrong." He furrowed his brows.

"I'm tired." I mumbled.

"Do you need to see someone?"

I groaned, "No."

"Shit went to hell as soon Eliza arrived," He mumbled to himself.

"Shit went to hell when I met you." I joked; albeit it came out a bit harsh.

Gerard stared at me. I sighed, "Laugh you jackass, it was a joke."

"I think you should see someone, October."

"I think that you think too much, Gerard."

"I'm taking you to the hospital." He got up and reeled me up by my arm.

"No!" I yanked away from him, and hurriedly hid beneath the blankets.

"October, quit acting like a child." Gerard had either legs over my waist.

"Go away." I muttered, "Just leave me alone."

"Talk to me, please." He pleaded.

I felt terrible right then and there. Not the depression, I felt like I was hurting him. I couldn't help but to start crying. I sniffled, pulled the blanket from over my head and looked at him. Gerard looked upset, like he was going to start sobbing.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, "I'm sorry."

He leaned down and pulled me into a hug, the blanket bunched between us; I used my feet to kick it away. Gerard kissed me softly, his hands moved up to cup my jaw. It was like an electrical current surging through the air; I couldn't help myself.

I was scared at the single thought of having sex. My doctor and I had discussed it, it wasn't forbidden, just that I never felt in the mood. He told me some side effect, which I didn't have, so far, or hadn't had. I was afraid maybe that I couldn't please Gerard, or that he would be totally turned off by me. That's why I pushed him away.

"What?" He panted.

I shook my head, murmuring a sound of protest. I rolled over on my side, Gerard exhaled heavily, "Fuck, October."

"Yeah, I know it's what you wanna do, but I don't. I'm ugly."

He gave a laugh, "How many times do I have to say it until you believe it? You aren't ugly."

"You're a liar."

Gerard's eyes were fixed on, I felt them. His hands firmly took hold of my body and forced my on my back. I furrowed my brows at him, "Stop it."

"Not until you believe me." He yanked my shirt up, quickly, over my head.

"Stop it." I repeated, meaning it less and less. I hated myself for becoming aroused.

Gerard saw it in my face, he climbed on top of me, kissed my lips, "You don't want me to, do you?"

I squirmed a bit, just to annoy him, "Yes I do."

"Now you're the liar." He laughed softly.

I didn't utter a word as he kissed me again, moving his lips down to my neck. I groaned when I felt his hand touch my bare stomach, then cup my breast through my bra. My stomach tossed nervously, snapping me from my cloudy state of mind.

"Gee, stop." I said quickly.

Gerard stopped, he looked at me, "What's wrong?"

"How could you touch me?" I felt embarrassed that he was.

"Because I love you." He said softly, "I don't care what you look like."

I didn't say anything else, though I didn't feel comfortable that he was touching me. I wasn't comfortable with my body, I didn't feel like I looked good enough. I held my breath as he pulled me up a bit and unhooked my bra, then pressed his lips to my exposed skin.

My skin rose with goosebumps, "I love everything about you." He said softly, "I love you, October."

"I know you do." I replied.

"Do you love me?" He asked knowingly.

"Yes, of course."

His hands moved down my sides, pulled my pajama shorts down, and moved his hand slowly between my legs. I shivered with anticipation and arousal, he touched the thin line left by razor blades, and caressed them. He hadn't done this before, I gave him a questionable glance.

"I love your scars, too." He explained quietly.

I exhaled, letting myself get lost. I held my breath sporadically, letting Gerard kiss my skin, letting his fingers explore my body, as if they didn't know me well enough. I moaned softly when I felt his hand slip under my underwear, he hadn't even touched me yet and already I was moaning.

"Are you okay?" Gerard asked from the spot under my chin.

"Yes." I breathed out.

Gerard kissed a trail down my jaw, to my neck and began to suck greedily. I couldn't help but to giggle and squirm again; his hand touched me, and began to rub small circles, "Baby," Gerard mumbled.

I bit my bottom lip, "Huh?" I hummed.

"You're so wet." He kissed my lips, "Fuck, I need you."

I agreeably nodded my head, near panting. I groaned quietly when he removed his hand, I watched as he pulled his shirt off and began to pull his shorts down. Again, my teeth clenched my lip as my eyes gazed at his erection pressing through his boxer shorts. I couldn't help myself, my hands took hold of the elastic of his boxers and yanked them down, freeing himself. Gerard gave a soft laugh, then straddled me again, "We can do this, right?"

I nodded, "I ain't broken."

He laughed again, kissing me, "I missed this. I missed touching you, Sugar."

I arched my back and pressed my hips to his hard, feeling him rigid, "Just fuck me already."

Gerard nodded, propping up on his elbow and using his other hand to pull my underwear down. I cupped his jaw and kissed him hard, he nearly fell on me, which made us both laugh. I kicked my underwear off my feet and spread my legs, I pulled away, "Gee, c'mon."

Gerard looked so amused, "I'm coming... Comin' alright."


I stared up at the ceiling as Gerard smoked a cigarette, his hand arm around my shoulder. I was in a deep thought, looking up at the small clouds of smoke he blew out. I murmured a quiet song to myself, my hands wrapped around my own middle.

"Gerard." I said his name as t thoughts dispersed.

"Hmm?" He hummed back.

"How do you rationalize being married to a lunatic?"

Gerard was all full of laughter, "Who's the loony? Me or you?"

"Me."

"Well, I don't think you're a loony, Sugar."

"Oh yes I am." I looked up at him, "What do you call this depression spell I been going through?"

"Stress. Not lunacy."

I sighed, "Is Busy mad at me?"

Gerard leaned over the side of the bed and snubbed his cigarette out, "She ain't mad. Biz knows how stressed and tired you've been."

"I'm a horrible mother."

"No you aren't."

"What do you call me then? And don't say the usual sappy shit either, Gerard Way."

"I call you a mom with the weight of unnecessary shit on her shoulders."

"So, B is okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine. She loves that you're home and I'm home. As long as you don't go away," He said softly, "That's what she said to me. She just wants you here."

"I should be playing with her." I murmured.

"You will. I think that you want to do so much so fast, and you can't. One day at a time, October."

I exhaled, "Yeah, I know."

"If you need another week of lying in bed, it's okay."

"No, it isn't. I need to get back to being a mommy."

He kissed the top of my head, "Whatever you want, Sugar."