Three Cheers

Gerard was near sleep, I was wide awake, straddling his waist. I was tracing the white scars on his arm; I had nearly forgotten the life we had started together. Way back when; before Busy, before Fran, before everything.

Gerard was watching me with hooded eyes and I knew the man was reading me. I had changed so much from little, moon shaped head October Fredrick. I barely remember her, I barely remember how clever and smart I was, or at least thought I was. I had dumbed myself down so much to fit in with others that I don't think I could regain whom I used to be.

"Vanity... Mr. Sloth... Ms. Attitude." I said quietly.

Gerard's head tilted against the pillow, "I wonder where they are."

"Carol, too." I added.

"I can't even believe who we used to be." Gerard recalled.

"Remember when you caught me cutting myself in my bathroom?" He thought a moment, then nodded, "And you said that you were cleaning up my mess because no one ever cleaned up yours."

He nodded again, "And I also said that hopefully you wouldn't have to clean up my messes."

I smiled, remembering, "But I did. I cleaned it up until you cleaned yourself up."

"I only did that for you." He said softly.

"Yeah, I know. I'm just remembering it all. It doesn't even feel like it was us."

Gerard pulled me down, his arms wrapped around me and kissed my neck. I sighed softly, "I miss those days."

"Why?" He asked genuinely curious.

"I was so madly in love with you, Gerard... It was borderline scary." He laughed, "Even so, I liked that feeling."

"Why don't you feel that way now?"

I shrugged, "I dunno... I think maybe it's because you aren't my entire world anymore. Back then, I just had you and Elsa; now, I got Busy, Fran and my family... And you."

Gerard squeezed his arms tightly around my waist, "I only got you and Biz."

"What happened with you and Mikey?"

I felt his head move from side to side, "Me and Mikey ain't talkin' right now. He wants Eliza more than me right now."

"You want me more than your brother right now." I countered.

"Ain't the same, October." He sighed, "I might... I might quit the band over this."

I looked back at him, "Gerard, are you serious?"

He nodded, not wanting to speak. I saw the sadness and anger in his eyes.

"You need to talk to Mikey," I got up out of the bed, "I'm gonna call him, where's your phone?"

He sat up, pulling the blanket from his semi nude body, "October, no."

I grabbed his basketball shorts and felt his cell phone inside the pocket. I grabbed it, completely ignoring Gerard; though I knew and felt him coming for me. I ran as quickly as I could to the bathroom and locked the door.

"October!" Gerard banged the door once, "Open the door, now!"

I sat on the toilet seat and dialed Mikey's number. I pressed the phone to my ear, hearing it ring as Gerard kept knocking, "Hush up!" I hissed at him.

"What, Gee?" Mikey answered.

"Mikey, it's me, October, don't hang up." I spat out quickly.

He sighed, "'Fuck you want?" He growled.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry Gerard tried to kill himself, I'm sorry for having feelings for him, I'm sorry for being selfish and all that, Mikey. Please, if you hate me, fine, just don't hate your brother, he loves you."

Mikey was silent, thought I expected for him to hang up, but he didn't.

"I know that you've loved Gerard longer than me, but I love him too. We have a daughter, your baby niece and we all love each other. It'd be nice if you'd be her uncle, she'd love you too, but if you want nothing to do with Busy and I, I understand completely," I spilled my guts, "Gerard loves you, Mikey, and I know that and I see it. I know Eliza is your friend, but you have to understand I never ever forced Gerard to dump her, I never wanted him too."

Still, Mikey didn't speak.

"Please, don't hate him. He's your brother, your blood."

"I liked her, you know. I'm mad at her for doing that stuff to you, because you didn't do shit and the more distance from me, I thought the better... I'm sorry, October. You ain't got to apologize, I just needed someone to blame for Gee's behavior, y'know?"

"And I was the closest." I finished, "I'm sorry about the pain you felt."

"How did you know?" He asked softly.

"Because I felt it too."

Mikey was quiet again, only for a few seconds though; "Is he there? Can I talk to him?"

I nodded to myself, "Yeah, hold on."

I got up, walked to the door, unlocked it and opened it slowly. Gerard was waiting there, his head had been resting on the door, but he moved just as I unlocked it. He looked at me with this grateful look, and small smile. I kissed his lips, "Your brother wants to talk to you."

He kissed me again, then took the phone, "Thank you."

"I told you." I patted his shoulder, then went over to the bed to put the rest of my clothes on.


Gerard and Mikey had mended their relationship, and I was happy to hear it. Gerard, after he had hung up, he hugged me and thanked me countless times. I had told him not to thank me; I was the big bridge in their way, and I needed to be the bigger man and come down to bring them together.

Me and my own brothers had all talked and mended, or rather started, our relationships. Why couldn't my husband and his do the same? Since, really, I was the problem.

"You feel better, don't you?" I teased him.

He chuckled, "Yes, I do." He had kissed me, "Now, let me thank you by washing you up in the shower."

"Oh, trying to be cute, Mr. Way? Thinking that I give you a little bit of me, that you can get away with more?" I continued to tease him.

"I think so." He smirked at me.

I shook my head at him, smiling, "Oh, alright... Since you've been so deprived lately."

He laughed, "I was starting to think my palm was getting hairy."

I laughed too, "C'mon you pervert, give your wife some lovin'."

Gerard grinned and kissed my lips, "Whatever you say, Sugar."


By mid-afternoon I was a bit better, though I was still harboring some selfish thoughts of my own. The only real thing I wanted was my baby girl, to apologize to her. I was excited when my dad called and told me he was bringing her home.

I waited for her, with Gerard on the couch. I got so excited when the front door opened and I heard her infamous little giggle and Happy's bark. I got up, letting go of the embrace I was in, in Gerard's lap.

"Is that my Busy Bee?" I played as I met her.

"Mama, youse better?" She smiled at me, showing all her little baby teeth.

"Yes, I am. For you, sweetness." I picked her up carefully and kissed her cheek repeatedly, "Mommy is sorry she's been a sorry sack of potatoes."

She giggled again, "Mama, youse too skinny to be 'tatoes!"

I smiled still, "I know, but I'm apologizing for not playing with you enough."

She wrapped her arms around my neck, "S'kay. I play with Happy."

I saw my dad as I adjusted Busy on my hip, "Hi dad."

"You feelin' better?" He asked with a small concerned look in his eyes.

"I'm okay." I replied.

"You gonna go see someone?"

I shook my head, "I think I've had my head shrunk enough."

Busy gave me a weird look, "Shrunk ya head, mama?"

I chuckled, "No, not that way, baby."

She shrugged, "Kay." She noticed Gerard come up behind me, "Hi daddy!" 

He took her from me, "Hey, did you have fun?"

"Yes! Lots, daddy."

I turned to them, "I'm gonna see Grandpa out."

Busy nodded, then waved her little hand at him, "Bye Pa-Pa."

"Bye, B. I love you." He waved back.

"Loves you."

Gerard and Busy talked as he carried her to the living room. I went and saw my dad out, he looked a bit eager to speak to me. I licked over my bottom lip, crossing my arms slightly.

"Gerard told me you were depressed." My dad stated.

I nodded shortly, "I am... I don't know what's going on in my head."

"I think it would do you some good, especially for Busy, if you saw a therapist."

I sighed softly, "I hate that."

"Yeah, I know, but it will make you feel better." My dad gave me an encouraging smile.

"Think so?" I asked curiously.

"I believe so. Gerard wants you to, he told me so."

"Yeah, he told me. I just hate doing all that talking stuff... I don't like pity, dad."

He nodded his head knowingly, "I understand, but therapist are to help, not pity."

I tweaked my lips, "I'll think about it."

"Don't shelf it off in your mind, October," He took my shoulders sternly, "It can help your state of mind, it'll help bring some closure to the root of most of your feelings."

"The root of my feelings was from 3rd grade, remember?"

He narrowed his eyes, then smiled crookedly, "You 'member that lady teacher sayin' that stuff about your happiness?"

"Yes. It's the root, pa."

He laughed, "And you haven't called me Pa since you were 8."

"When I was told I couldn't be happy." I answered quickly.

My dad frowned, "I'm sorry she told you that."

"Me too, I never want B to ever feel like I did... Or rather, do."

My dad let my shoulders go and hugged me, I hugged him back, "I don't want you to hurt yourself, baby."

I felt more emotion, I knew I was gonna cry sometime soon, "I won't, dad. As long as Busy is breathing, and I am too, I'm not gonna hurt myself."

His scruffy beard tickled my face as he kissed my cheek, "Thank you."

"No need to thank me, pa." I giggled.

My dad and I parted slowly, he squeezed my forearms after, and smiled, "Don't cry."

"I can't help myself, I'm such a baby." I jested.

He rubbed my arms warmly, "Take care of yourself."

"I am, dad." I smirked funnily.

He shook his head, let me go and went off to his truck. I waved to him, watched him pull out before I retreated into the house. I exhaled heavily, sweeping the threatening tears away and went to play with my baby.