Three Cheers

A month had passed, and slowly my life and my body was become normal again. Or what it used to be. Gerard had given me four weeks before he was sending me to a shrink, and I gladly relished in those four weeks.

I wasn't so sad, but I got those days were I didn't want to get out of bed. But, Gerard and Busy both made me get up and play. I'm really appreciative that they did that; I needed that kick in the butt.

After my four weeks were up, I met with the therapist; I wasn't too happy about it but I had not choice. Gerard drove me there, while Busy was with my brother and his kids. I wasn't mad, I just felt nervous and wanted to avoid the whole thing.

"It'll be good for you." Gerard said encouragingly, his hand on my thigh, "You'll thank me."

"I'm sick with nerves, Gee." I told him with my knee shaking.

Gerard understood, he and I went through the nerves of therapy before. The glances and the unheard thoughts is what drove me crazy, I was afraid of being this 26 year old woman, mother, stuck in the mind of a 16 year old. I didn't want to be judged.

I couldn't stop myself from warping my mind back to when I was 16. I couldn't stop myself from chewing at my nails, still bouncing my leg and being slightly annoyed with Gerard. I kept taking deep breaths and trying to calm down and see the positivity of me going.

"I wish you could come in with me." I spoke without thought as he pulled up, "I need you, Gee."

Gerard shut the car off, he leaned over the seat, kissed my lips gently, repeatedly, and cupped my jaw, "Sugar, I'll be right in the lobby waiting for you. I ain't going nowhere, you ain't gotta say anything you don't want to..."

"But it's better if I do." I finished for him.

He nodded, "For yourself and for our baby."

I nodded too, then we got out the car; he took hold of my hand and led the way inside. The building was small, almost like a doctor's office; inside there was soft music playing, it smelled like fresh brewed coffee and everything was a blue metallic color.

Gerard led me to the front of the desk and told me to sign in; I do so quickly, then we sat down. I focused my mind on the music playing, psyching myself out. Gerard put his arm around my shoulders, having me close to him and placing soft kisses on my head. It took no more than 10 minutes before a woman came out and said my name, "October Way?"

I exhaled this big breath I had been holding, and stood. Gerard took my hands, making me face him, "I love you, October." He stared in my eyes intensely, making sure I understood that he meant those heartwarming 3 words.

"I love you, too, Gee. Thank you." I leant down and kissed him.

He gave my hands a warm squeeze then let them go gently. I inhaled and exhaled a low breath then went over to the open door and the woman. She was tall, she smiled at me, "Hello, I'm Carrie Ellis, your therapist."

She lent out her hand and I shook it, "October... But you knew that." I said awkwardly.

Carey smiled, leading me towards another room, "I love your name." She said softly with an equally soft laugh, "When my assistant made the appointment I thought she was telling me your birthday."

"I've never gotten that before." Again, I was speaking honestly without a real thought of what came out of my mouth.

Carrie gestured to a seat across from her desk in her office. I sat, then she did as well; her desk was littered with picture frames and empty Starbucks cups. "Excuse the mess, I'm always on the go."

"It's fine; my husband is a pig." Opened mouth, close train of thought, "I don't mean you're a pig, I meant that--"

She cut me off as my words became clustered and fast, "I get it," she smiled; the woman was older, she had crows feet, but she looked pretty, "So, I should tell you about myself before you tell me about yourself." She gave another soft laugh.

"Sure." I replied.

"I work with folks who've gone through traumatic experiences and health scares. Your husband told my assistant that you were looking for a therapist in that category."

I rubbed my neck, the short hairs on my head itched, "That's my husband, wanting the best of the best."

"You had cervical cancer, is what I read." I nodded, "Do you mind if I ask how you felt about that?"

I licked my bottom lip, "I was in total shock." I answered shortly, "For a few hours, after I found out, I played with my daughter and ignored the truth."

"How did you feel when you accepted it?"

I looked down, "Like my world crashed around me."

"How so?" Carrie's voice was soft, caring, wondrous

"I'm 26, I can't have babies... Or my chances are slim to none and I was tired and my body felt foreign. I felt like I was already dead, or I had a death sentence."

"What about your husband? Gerard is his name?"

I nodded, "Gerard was/is supportive. He's the greatest man I've ever met, especially with all of this. Even when I felt ugly, he told me I was beautiful. When all of my hair fell out, when I got down to 110 pounds, he still kissed me and told me he loved me." I answered without missing a beat.

Carrie smiled, she saw the happiness in my eyes, "He makes you happy." She stated.

"Very." I replied.

"How long have you guys been married?"

I chuckled, "Well, that's kind of hard to answer," her brow rose slightly, "We married when I was 21 and he was 23; we divorced when I was 24 and he was 26. We didn't get back together until April, this year, we married June 5th."

"So you two have had an off and on relationship?"

I nodded, "Sort of..." I began to tell her everything from after Gerard and I married for the first time.

It sort of poured out of me, I couldn't stop once I started. Carrie asked the questions, I answered extensively. I guessed that I did need it.

When the session was over, Carrie made me another appointment, then I was free to leave. It felt like a lifetime that I had seen Gerard; it felt that way. I smiled at him, instantly wrapping my arms around him as soon as I met him.

"How was it?" He asked.

I shrugged, "You know."

"You feel better?" He asked, pulling back to look at me.

I nodded, "Yeah, Gee."

Gerard smiled, he leant down and kissed my lips quickly, "Good, let's go get B."


Gerard and I took Busy to the book store; Gerard nearly ran to the comics, while Busy and I went to the children's section. She looked around the small shelves, looking at the covers of books that interested her. I followed behind her, keeping my hand on hers.

"Mama, lookie the kitty!" She grabbed a book and should me the cover, "Read?"

"It's Cat In The Hat by Dr. Seuss." I told her.

"I wan' it." She told me, clutching it, "Please?"

"You can have it, Biz." 

Busy grinned, pulling me along the shelves, picking up any book with wild colors and animals that made her smile. By the time we finished, we had 7 books, and Busy couldn't wait to show Gerard. I carried her over towards where Gerard was; he looked just as excited as Busy when we approached him.

Gerard grinned, "Hey, what'd you guys get?"

"Daddy, I gots lots!" Busy exclaimed, "You read them to me?"

Gerard nodded, "Yeah, baby girl." He leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"What'd you get?" I asked him.

"Bunch of different stuff," He looked over his stack, "I got you the Runaways. I remember how much you liked that one issue I had."

I smiled at the remembrance of Gerard reading his Runaway comics to me when we were first together. "That's awesome. Thanks."

"No problem, you ready?"

Busy and I both nodded, "Yep."

Gerard took my hand, leading us to the register. We put our things down, paid and then left. As we were pulling out of the parking lot, I had some weird revelation; "I think I'm gonna look Elsa up." 

Gerard looks over at me, "Really?"

"Yeah, I haven't talked to her since my parents shipped me away."

Gerard's brows moved up a bit, "Find her, then, October. I think it'll be good."

"Really?" I asked him honestly, "I'm not even sure if I will find her." I spoke mostly to myself.

"Yeah, I'm sure it'll be a bit easy, if she didn't like move out of the country." 

I frowned slightly, "I hope she didn't. I feel terrible about not thinking about it sooner."

Gerard put his hand on my knee, "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find closure."

I chuckled, "Gosh, you sound like a Hallmark card."

He lifted his hand and laughed, "Shut up."

"You do." I said with a shrug.

"I'm just trying to cheer you up." He said with another laugh.

"Yeah, but there's no need to sound so cheesy, babe."

He shrugged, "Still won't stop me."