Three Cheers

Gerard's surgery took two hours and I wasn't as anxious as I thought I'd be. I was worried, but not too much, I was sure he'd be okay. I had a nice conversation with Donna who patted my back for snapping at Gerard.

"He never listens, the boy is deaf when it comes to doing the right thing," She had shaken her head, "You are good for him. Thank you."

I had smiled and hugged her, too. I was glad they were upset with me for making Gerard so upset. I just did what I felt was right.

When he was in his recovery room, we all went in to see him; me, Frank, Mikey and Donna. Gerard was on a low dose for pain medication, but he was a bit loopy. I didn't say anything while Donna and the guys talked to him; I wanted to wait until he was coherent to know I was there.

"Are you going to stay with him?" Donna had ask, "I have to check in on some things and Mikey and Frank have to go finish in the studio."

I nodded, "Yes. I have nothing else better to do."

Donna smiled, "Thanks, honey." She kissed my cheek.

Mikey and Frank hugged me goodbye, and left with Donna. I stood, walking over to Gerard's bed; his eyes were shut over, he was extremely tired and he could barely talk with the novacaine in his mouth. I sat beside him in the chair and looked him over; his eyelids were lazed over and his mouth was a bit opened.

I bit at the fat of my lip and took his hand, "Gee?" I called for him silently just to see if he were awake.

"October?" My name had come out slow, muffled and broken.

"It's me, Gee. You don't have to talk, I know you're in pain." I kissed the back of his hand, "I just wanted to let you know I'm here."

He gave a small nod, he kept his eyes closed and I rubbed his fingers. I kept close to him, waiting it out quietly.

I had held his hand for a good few hours, even falling asleep, before his pain medication and sedation wore off. I was lying my head on the side of his bed, and dreaming soundly, until he nudged me, calling to me, "October."

I squinted at the light, opening my eyes. I sighed, looking around, and rubbed my eyes, letting go of his hand. I yawned, looked over at Gerard, who was looking at me with a blank face.

"October." He said my name again softer, he sounded tired.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" I asked, sitting up properly.

"Tired." He said with a soft chuckle, "My mouth don't hurt no more; it's a little sore, though."

I looked his face over, "It's a little swollen."

He shrugged, "I'm glad you're here."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I knew the answer, I just wanted to hear it from him.

"Didn't want to be the one to crack. I tried to be tough." He shook his head, "God, I feel like an idiot."

"I missed you." I told him sheepishly, "But, I'm telling you, Gerard: I'm not always going to here. When you're a miserable mess it makes me feel like you don't need me."

He sat up, "No, no don't think that. I'm just... I need to bury my sorrows."

"Talk to me, Gerard. I can help you." I scooted my chair closer to his bed and I took his hand.

Gerard exhaled heavily, "I keep thinking about my dad... Actually, he's on my mind 24/7. It's like a living nightmare."

"I'm sorry." I whispered this.

Gerard squeezed my hand, his thumb ran across my knuckles, "I keep thinking of all the times he would push me around and hit me. I used to drink to numb the blows, and when I drink now, it numbs the memories and the thoughts... The remembrance of pain."

Gerard started to tear up, and my heart started to pound. I barely remembered that Gerard had been abused; I remember, though, that I had asked about it, but he never talked about it. He would brush it off, now I saw that he wanted to get it out.

"He treated me so fuckin' bad, October." He exhaled heavily and laid his head back against his pillows, "I still feel it, y'know? I hear him tellin' me shit about how I'll never amount to anything... I can't shake that feeling from my body... Of feelin' like a failure."

I let the tears, that held up in my eyes, fall. I squeezed his hand like he had done mine, "I'm so sorry."

"Whenever I think about him," Gerard continued without interruption, "I wanna fuckin' kill myself... Turn my head off." He added.

"Let me tell you something, Gerard," I sniffled, not bothering to wipe my eyes, "You shouldn't be bothered with your dad. He doesn't love you the way you deserve love. He will never love you the way I, Mikey, and your mom do." I felt my throat grow tight as he looked at me with cloudy eyes, "And, when you and me have our babies, you'll be a greater and better father than yours could ever imagine to be."

Gerard sat up and wiped the wetness from my eyes, "I'm afraid I won't... What if I end up being like him? What if I can't be a good dad?"

I shook my head, "You will, I know you will. You're great to me, your compassionate and you love so much. When you have a baby, that love grows deeper."

Gerard smiled, "You seem so sure."

I smiled back, "I am sure."

Gerard exhaled, "Thanks, October."

"Everybody has been thanking me lately," I sighed humorously, "You don't got to. I'm happy to do whatever makes you better."

His small crooked smile turned up, "I love you."

I smiled back at him, "I love you, too."


I took Gerard home the following day, and for the most part he was alright. He didn't whine or bitch about his mouth. He took it easy, he laid on the couch, and let me moderate his medication intake.

I still worried, though, when I would leave and check on things at the boutique. But, all my worry would wipe away when I would come home and he was busying himself with cooking, drawing or writing. He even fixed the door, which kind of surprised me.

I had my Gee back, I was a lot happier and could only hope that he would keep up this appearance.

Fran was surprised too; she had expected him to go crazy over the medication and become self-destructive again. He proved her wrong; I never seen him so clean and happy before.

He was making an extra effort to be a good man, as well. He cooked for me, and cleaned up after himself. It all made me fall even harder in love with him.

He would leave to finish his part on some of the songs, and had me come along. I made sure not to interfere, I just sat and watched him. Whenever he finished, he would come over, sit down and pull me onto his lap, without a single word.

It felt so good to have his arms around me. I am madly in love with him. How many times can I say it; it's a love that makes me high. I wish everyone could feel the way I do. I hope everyone can have their own Gerard.