Three Cheers

I sat on the bed for a few minutes before I got up and left the room. I stopped once I got to the entry of the living room. Gerard was standing by the fireplace mantle, looking at the photos of Busy. He had one in his hand, "Gee."

He didn't move, his suitcase was by the door, my eyes swept back to him, "Gerard."

He put the picture back; the scene painted itself dramatic. He turned and looked at me, "Why do you keep pushing me away?"

"Because." I mumbled, "Because you make me feel... Different." 

"Different how?" He crossed over the room; the silence was near deafening.

I felt better when I heard Busy squeal and laugh. 

My racing heart stopped, "When you said that we should stop..."

He looked at me quizzically, "Wha-- what? You mean sex?"

I nodded, "Yes. It's bad enough I'm already shy about my body, but it was like you were rejecting me."

"October, I'm afraid I was hurting you," He took hold of my forearms, "I'm not rejecting you, I love you. I don't want to put your body in pain."

I swallowed thickly, "I know, but there's something wrong with my brain not wanting to accept that. Underneath, I know how ridiculous my thinking is, but I don't feel like you're being honest. It's as if I want you to tell me I'm ugly or I'm disgusting and that I repulse you."

His brows furrowed, "October, I think you should talk to Carrie about this."

I sighed, "Yeah, I know."

"I also want you to talk to Dr. Green about your stomach." He gave me a stern look, a father disciplining his unruly child.

"Alright." I nodded agreeably, "I will."

"I want you to talk to me, I don't care what it's about. Understand me?" His thumbs smoothed over the crooks of my elbows.

"Yes."

He leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose; a smile snuck up onto my face. I couldn't help but to ask: "Are you gonna leave?"

He shook his head, "If you hadn't come out of the room, I probably would have."

"I'm sorry about my outburst... I can't help how I feel. I wish I didn't feel this way, Gee." I shook my head to myself.

Gerard ran his hands up to my shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze, "We'll work on it. You're gonna get better."

"So you say." My mind drifted back to how badly my mood swings are.

"Yeah, and I mean it." He again spoke sternly, "This ain't forever."

I sighed, reeling my arms around his waist and pulling him closer to me. Gerard let my shoulders go, he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me tight. I felt more emotion, almost like I was falling, it was such a hard and unexpected feeling. I started to cry, I pressed my face against the crook of his neck and held him tighter.

"Don't cry, Sugar." He murmured.

"I'm sorry I'm such a bitch."

He let out a small laugh, "Yeah, me too."

I laughed too, "So you agree?" I lifted my head to look at him.

He shrugged, "Just a bit."

"I'm glad you're honest and didn't  say some cheesy shit about it being alright."

Again, Gerard laughed, "I get it, y'know, and I'm sorry about it."

I kissed the underside of his jaw, "I love you so much, Gee."

He squeezed me tighter, "I love you, too, October."


I stared at Gerard sleeping beside me, with his hair a mess and his mouth open a bit. His mouth was still a bit droopy from the abscess and I thought it was absolutely adorable. I put my hand to his forehead and smoothed his hair back, then leant down and left a kiss on his forehead.

My stomach tensed just a bit, Gerard was going to make me see the doctor in the morning. After apologizing more than a hundred times, he still forgave me and kept his foot down. I don't blame him; I appreciate him putting up with my attitude and drama.

I tried to put things in the good corner of my brain; I had a good husband, an amazing little girl and I was going to see Elsa again. I'm incredibly lucky and I should start acting like it. I needed to remind myself that life isn't how it used to be, that I had good. I still battled the inner depression and the fear and the hate of myself. I suppose no one ever gets rid of their former selves.

"October, are you okay?" Gerard murmured, waking from his sleep.

I nodded to the familiar words he spoke more than enough times, "Just thinking, sorry for waking you."

"Didn't wake me." He rolled over and sat up a bit, "It was a small nap."

"I disturbed you, didn't I?"

He shook his head, rubbing his eyes, "Nah." He pulled me easily onto his lap, "How's your stomach?"

"It's okay." I replied.

He nuzzled his stubbly face against my neck, "You sure?"

I giggled and nodded, "Yes."

His hand moved up my knee, slowly rubbing up to my inner thigh. I sucked in a sharp breath, "Gee?"

"Hmm?" His hand moved higher, I knew he was playing innocent.

"I thought you said you wanted to take it easy." I mumbled lustfully.

"I am," He whispered against the shell of my ear now, "I'm gonna make love to you slowly, October."

Shivers spent up my spine, "Really?" I spoke breathlessly.

He hummed, "Yeah, Sugar."

My body got chills, goosebumps arose as Gerard laid be back against the pillows. I bit my tongue, gently, keeping myself from saying something dumb. I knew my mouth would run as soon as Gerard kissed my neck, down to my chest, expelling gasps from me. I put my hands on his shoulders, his own touched my hips, pulling my underwear down. I anticipated anything, his movements were swift and almost secretive.

I watched him with half-lid eyes, my body in total ecstasy at the very thought of having sex with him. I didn't know why, but my mind was blown already, I felt like I had no thought what so ever. Gerard moved his hands up, having my panties moved down to my feet where I kicked them off. His hands cupped my bare breast beneath the tank top I wore, his mouth moved back to my lips.

Gerard let my breast go, then pulled away, "This shirt looks better on the floor."

I shook my head with a small laugh and let him pull the tank top off and toss it to the floor. His eyes met mine, almost giving me a small happy and lecherous look; "I love everything about you. Please don't forget it."

This time, I stuck the words down in my head, making sure I won't forget. I needed to keep in mind that Gerard loves me and loves how I look. I took in a slow breath, letting it sink in.

With that, his tongue circled my breast, slowly placing his lips around my nipple. I let out a shaky breath, shutting my eyes over, letting the feeling take me, letting it build. My hands wondered down his back, pulling up his shirt; he responded by letting my nipple go, and sitting up; he pulled his shirt off and then worked on his pajama bottoms. Finally Gerard was nude like myself, my stomach tossed at the sight of my butt naked husband. I let out a small laugh, Gerard smirked down at me, he knelt on his knees and pulled my legs open and latching them onto his hips.

"Slow," He said this as if I hadn't known, "If it hurts, tell me."

I nodded, "I will, Gee. I doubt it, though."

He smiled, shaking his head, "I'm just saying."

I watched him lift his hand and stick two fingers in his mouth and then out. My eyes widen, I held a breath as he put his moistened fingers to my middle and moved them up and down my wet entry. There was no need for his fingers at all, but it felt damn good; He pushed his fingers into me slowly, and just as slow my jaw slacked out of pleasure.

"Good?" He asked softly, moving his fingers in and out of me.

I nodded, "But you'd feel better... Bigger too."

He gave me another lecherous, lustful glance, eyes narrowing, "Sure about that, Sugar?"

I hummed, "Positive, baby."

He pulled his fingers away, his hands took hold of my hips and he hovered over me. His mouth met mine, his tongue immediately sliding over my bottom lip and entered my mouth quickly just as he entered me. I let out a soft moan as he filled me, nearly to the hilt. He stalled a moment, letting me get use to him, and then he rocked back slowly and then forward.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, my nails dug into his back as his pace increased. Pleasure shot through my body like lightening, my senses heightening. Gerard kissed me hard, his body rocking onto mine so gently. This was love making at it's finest. I am truly in love with Gerard Way.