Three Cheers

The nurse led the way into the exam room with Gerard trailing behind the nurse and I. I kept my hands in my pockets and thanked the nurse as we went in. I sat down on the table while she got my vitals and then left quickly. Gerard sat across from me, he looked around, everywhere but at me.

"I'm fine, I still don't understand why I'm here." I grumbled, crossing my arms now.

"Your stomach hurts, and I want you to get checked out." Gerard looked at me.

I rolled my eyes, "I'm perfectly fine."

Gerard shook his head, "Sugar, don't start."

"Don't play sweet and call me Sugar." I snapped at him, "I don't want to be here. I better be fuckin' dying." 

Gerard glared at me, "Don't say that."

I rolled my eyes again, "Oh, get a grip you big baby, I was joking."

He sighed, "I'm worried about you."

I rubbed my neck and kept my mouth closed. I knew I was snapping for no reason. I was irritated and wanted to be home with Busy.

"Just do this for me," He added quietly, "I want to make sure you're okay."

I gave a short nod, then looked down at my feet. I didn't respond to anything, until Dr. Green came in. He smiled at us, but he felt the tension right away.

"Hello October, Gerard," He greeted us nicely, "What do I owe this visit?"

"October's been having stomach pains and we wanted to see if anything was up." Gerard spoke up for me.

"He's a worrywart." I replied.

Dr. Green nodded, "I understand. Lie back, October, I'm going to check your abdomen."

I did as he said, he took a moment before lifting my shirt and pressing his fingers to my belly. He didn't seem to distressed, once he finished, he helped me sit up, "No pain?"

"None now." I told him.

"We'll take some blood and see if anything is wrong. We can do a scan on Wednesday, that's our nearest availability."

I nodded, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Dr. Green turned to Gerard, "I'm sure it's nothing, but it doesn't hurt to check things out."

Gerard nodded back, "I know, I'm just trying to help."

"You've helped." I spoke impatiently.

Dr. Green gave a chuckle and patted my shoulder, "He cares, you're lucky. So, take care, take your medication and I'll see you on Wednesday."

"Thank you, doctor." I smiled nicely.

Dr. Green led us out, Gerard thanking him once more before we left. He put his hand on my lower back, keeping his patience with me. I hated how easily I was ticked off.

"I'm sorry... Again." I said as we left the building.

Gerard leaned over and kiss my cheek, "I know, Sugar. Your apology is accepted."

I shook my head and kissed him back. I really hate my mood swings.


I met with Carrie on the following Tuesday; during the weekend, my attitude had varied, Gerard had to take me by the shoulders a few times, after the doctor's visit, and shake some sense into me. I tried my hardest to keep myself from getting so upset, but it was difficult. I wondered if I needed depression medication, like before.

"How was your weekend?" Carrie looked at me, her brows furrowing, she was reading my face.

"I've been having the worst mood swings," I explained, "My husband... He's annoyed with it, though he hasn't said it. He's worried about me."

"What have you been feeling?" Carrie's eyes grow into this sympathetic and curious way, it was a bit confusing.

I took in a deep breath and began to explain what I've been going through. I explained how I've been feeling and what I worried about. I told her about my and Gerard's little spat, which was the hardest, which made me start to cry.

I was a huge blubbering mess by the time I finished talking. 

Carrie gave me some tissues and waited for me to stop crying before she spoke, "Mood swings are normal, but what I think you might have, by what you've explained, is Bipolar Disorder."

I wiped my eyes and stared at her, unable to truly take in what she said. I raised my brow, "Wh-What?"

"I believe you're bipolar, October." She said this softly, breaking it to me gently.

"Bipolar." I said the word to myself, my heart began to pick up speed.

Carrie nodded slowly, "It's may seem like the worst thing in the world, but with medication, I think you can manage it."

I looked down at my lap, more tears threatening. It seemed all I was good for was tears. Tears, fucking tears.

"I can prescribe you some medication, to mellow you some, and we can get a right, distinct diagnosis."

I looked back up and nodded, "Whatever helps." I replied, "I need the help."


Gerard had asked me what went on in the room, but I didn't tell him. I told him to take me to the pharmacy, and that was it. I tried to be calm, to stop myself from acting a certain way. I didn't want to fly off the handle or to end up in a deep depression again. Gerard put his hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze.

He parked in a space near the drug store and adjusted himself to look at me; "October, did you talk to Carrie about your emotions?" Gerard finally broke in.

I nodded, "She said..." I couldn't look at him, I felt ashamed, "She thinks that I'm bipolar." I finally uttered.

Gerard's jaw slacked, his brow rose, "Bipolar?"

I nodded, "My manic mood swings... She's certain I am."

He squeezed my hand again, "Well, that would explain things."

"God, if isn't one thing, it's another." I muttered, "I can't catch a fucking break." I finally snapped.

"Is that why we're here? To get some pills?"
 
I nodded, "They'll mellow me out." 

He sighed, "I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything." I said softly, "Let me run in." I pulled away from Gerard and climbed out the car.

I managed to shut my brain off as I went in, getting the pills she called in for me. I returned to the car 10 minutes later, still keeping my mind narrowed and blind. Gerard started to say something, but I didn't listen, I just looked at the bottle of pills; Ativan.

I had taken it before. I knew that these would mellow me out. I popped open the cap, popped one into my mouth and swallowed it dry. Gerard put his hand on my shoulder, snapping me from my blind state; "...October?"

"What?" I asked, utterly confused, "What were you saying?"

"I was asking if you've taken these before." He repeated.

"Oh, uh, yeah," I held the bottle up, "It's Ativan... They're good." I mumbled.

"You'll be okay? No side effects?"

I shook my head, "My body will feel better, so will my head."

Gerard put his arm over my shoulder and pulled me over to him, "I hope so."

"No hoping, I know it will." I told him.

He kissed my head, "Just making sure."