Three Cheers

Our anniversary landed on the week that Gerard had to go to New York for a few days for a show taping with the band. I wasn't furious that Gerard had to go, but I was a little upset. I wanted to spend some time together, but the last few weeks, and days, had been enough.

Coming home to him was enough. 

The day before he had to leave, I came home from the store, exhausted. I had to deal with this woman who was demanding old season sets that I didn't make anymore. All I wanted to do was to come home and be with Gerard.

But, when I got home, I heard Kruger was barking up a storm as soon as I opened the door. The house was silent, after Kruger stopped barking and came bouncing to me. 

"Gerard?" I called his name, "Gee?"

I put my bag down on the couch, and noticed Kruger didn't have any food or water in his bowls. I poured his some dog food and water, then I went into the bedroom to take my heels off. I frowned at the thought that Gerard wasn't here. 

I walked around the house, wondering if he left a note or something, but nothing. I hated to call his cellphone, because he was always low in minutes. I sighed and called Mikey; he answered within a minute.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mikey, do you know where Gerard is?"

Mikey hummed, "We met up earlier, but I dropped him off after. He ain't there?"

"No, and I don't want to call his cell, because he never buys more minutes."

"Yeah, I know." Mikey hummed again, "I'll call Frank and Ray, see if he's with them. Just call his cell, he can buy more minutes."

I chuckled, "Okay, thanks, Mikey."

"No problem."

I hung up the phone, then I picked it up and dialed Gerard's number. The phone rang three times, then I heard laughter, then Gerard, "Shh! Shut up! Shh... She doesn't know I'm here!"

I furrowed my brows, "Gerard!"

"Hey, October. What's up?" He tried his hardest to talk without a drunken slur, but it was obviously there.

It was almost comical.

Almost.

"Where are you?" I asked angrily.

"I'm out. I'm with my brother." He lied to me.

"You're lying, I just called Mikey. Now, where are you?" I snapped at him.

"I'm out. I'll be home soon." Gerard said shortly.

"Gerard, do you know what tomorrow is?" 

He was silent, "Oh yeah. I leave for that tour."

"No--" I was cut off by the line going dead.

Suddenly, the past couple of weeks shot through my head. I felt as if Gerard had only been good to have a reason to go out and party before he left. I don't even think he remembered our anniversary. That fucking sucked. It hurt.

It all piled in on me. I didn't know what to do. I felt so defeated, so useless, and betrayed.

I started to cry. I hate crying, I cried too damn much. Before I got back with Gerard, I didn't cry as much as I do now. I hate the way my eyes sting and the way my nose runs and the fatigue makes me tired. I tried to stop myself from crying; I managed to, and went to make something to eat, just to get my mind off of things.

For a few hours, I watch mind numbing TV. I had talked to Fran a few hours before, but I never told her about Gerard. We didn't talk about anything but the idea of going shopping the following day.

When night fell, I grabbed a blanket, a pillow, and laid down on the couch. I can't sleep in the bed by myself; I rolled around too much and it kept me up. On the couch, I was enclosed, and Kruger slept on me.

I fell asleep by midnight, not bothering to deal with Gerard, I had, had enough. I wasn't going to bother anymore; he didn't want me to care, I wasn't going to care. I assumed that this was over. Our marriage was over, at least for me. It was obvious that I wasn't fulfilling the distraction that Gerard needed, so I figured it was over for him, too.

I had fallen asleep with that heavily on my mind. My aching skin woke me around 2; the sound of the front door opening startled me. I didn't move though, I could hear Gerard mumbling in the dark, then the door closing; Kruger and I didn't move one bit.

"October?" He called my name, "I need you!" 

I didn't move.

"Fuck... Did she leave again?" I heard him stumble to the bedroom, "October?" His voice was fainter.

I didn't care if he got sick in himself, he can clean it up. I stayed right where I was, and didn't move. I could hear him fumbling around, and I fell right back asleep.


I woke up, and the house was quiet. I looked around a moment, stretching; I noticed Kruger wasn't on my lap anymore, I got up, pushing the blanket away, and started towards our bedroom. I saw Gerard lying in bed, snoring loudly, he had thrown up all over himself, and got the mess in the bed. I sighed, but I didn't bother to clean him up; I grabbed some towels and went to shower.

When I got out, he was still snoring and still a mess. I didn't bother, again, and got ready to head back to my store. I didn't want to be around Gerard anymore, and that hurt - a lot.

I had suffered so long without him, about wanting him, and I don't see it was worth it. To end up I'm a vicious cycle, and the need and want to cut my skin was sickening. It was over between us... It was saddening.

Just before I left, I looked at my husband as he slept in his own sick and shook my head. My heart ached at how much I love him. I didn't want to end things, but it would probably better fit the both of us. If not, better for me. I could only hope Gerard would get better.