Three Cheers

Gerard tossed and turned in his sleep, having stirred me more than once throughout the night. I knew he wasn't okay, so I shook him up at 4 am, from the tossing dream he was having. He sat up, blinded by the dimness, "Hmm?"

"What's wrong?" I ask tiredly, "You keep movin'."

Gerard rubbed his eyes, "I'm sorry about waking you."

I looked over at Busy, who was asleep in the bed beside ours with her stuff bear Frank had bought her yesterday; "Is it about your dad?" I turned on the light dimmer by the bed.

Gerard nodded in the dim light, "Fuck, yeah."

I crawled closer to him, "Gerard, I know that I wasn't the most open when I was going through my anger, but will you please talk to me? I don't like seeing you this way, baby." I put my hand on his shoulder and kept running my hand warmly up and down his arm.

Gerard tightened his lips, "It's so embarrassing and hard to explain."

I thought back to when we were first together, when he had the massive black and purple bruise on the entire left side of his face. The way he hid and covered it up with concealer; he had been embarrassed. I bit at my lip; "Gerard, I really wanna help you."

Gerard looked over at Busy, then back at me, "October, it's bad." he murmured.

I don't know what kind of bad it is. It could be a million different things. I had no clue what it would be.

"I'm sorry," I said softly to him; I wrapped my arms around him, "I'm sorry for whatever he did."

Gerard started to cry, I felt the hot tears fall on my shoulder; his arms encircled around me. He let out a small sob, only making my heart sink lower and my arms tighten around him. I knew that whatever the hell that man did to my husband still burned inside of him.

"It's killing me inside, October," he sobbed, "No one knows but me and him. It makes me sick."

I pulled away, "Do you want to go home?" I cupped his face and wiped the tears away with my thumbs.

He swallowed thickly, "Yeah, I do. I need to go."

"We'll get new arrangements this afternoon, while Busy goes to the movies with Frank."

Gerard nodded and squeezed my waist, "I don't know when I can tell you the truth. It's... It's embarrassing, I know you'll look at me different."

I shook my head with furrowed brows, "Gerard, I won't ever look at you any different than I do now. I love you and B loves you; whatever you went through is in your past and it doesn't change how we feel about you."

Still, Gerard shook and hung his head. I made him look at me, tears were on the verge of falling. I wanted Gerard to understand that I wasn't going anywhere; "Listen to me good, Gerard Way, I am not going to love you any less after whatever it is that's holding you back. If anything, I'll love you even more for conquering the fear and the anguish you're holding back." I kissed his lips quickly, "I can't love you any harder than I do now. If I did, my heart would pop outta my chest, babe."

He smiled, "You promise?"

I nodded, "I swear and promise on my entire life, Gerard. I will not look at you any different. I love you, I don't know how to put it any different. Do I need to say it in another language?"

He chuckled, "No, I understand, Sugar."

I rubbed his cheeks with my thumbs, ridding away escaped tears, "You don't have to tell me right away, or at all, but I'd like it if you did. I want you to get it off your chest and to feel better."

Gerard nodded, his hand came up and wipe away tears that fell down my own cheeks. I barely noticed them; "Don't cry for me."

"Too bad, I already did." I smirked.

His smile grew; he leant forward and kissed me, "Thank you."

"Don't thank me, it's what wives do... I think."

He gave another soft laugh, and gave me another kiss as well.


We were at Frank's again while he took Busy to see a movie. Gerard was going to tell me what his dad had done to make him hate him as much as he does. All we were waiting for was Mikey. Gerard wanted Mikey to know the truth, so he could relay it to their mother. I was sweating bullets, I was so nervous.

I held his hand while possible scenarios ran through my brain. I thought about the millions of things again. What could have been so bad? Could it possibly explain his addictions? Could it be the reason Gerard had clung to me for so long?

I felt sick to my stomach once Mikey arrived. Gerard had let my hand go, got up and opened the door, letting Mikey inside. Mikey sat down in the love seat, while we were on the couch. Gerard took my hand again and kissed it, his eyes shutting a moment. He swallowed thickly, he licked his lips and opened his mouth.

"Fuck... This is hard." he mumbled.

"Gee, it's okay, bro," Mikey leaned forward, "Just tell me."

Gerard tensed, his eyes adverted to the ground, and he squeezed my hand, "Uh... You remember how dad used to have poker nights with his friends?"

Mikey nodded at Gerard, whose head was still hung, eyes still focused on the dingy carpet; "Yeah, his shady friends from the factory."

Gerard swallowed again, "Yeah, well, you remember George?" he looked at me now, "George was my dad's best friend, they were fuckin' attached at the hip."

I saw the anger rise in his eyes. I felt sick. Oh god, I knew then. I knew the truth. We all did. He didn't even have to utter those disgusting words. He didn't need to lay his heart out on the line.

I squeezed his hand, "You can stop Gee." I said suddenly, "You don't... You don't gotta go back to that place."

He shook his head, "I have to. I have to explain it all so I can finally stop thinking about it."

I couldn't encourage it. It was bad enough that I had some knowledge. I couldn't let my husband finish his words.

"Gee," I begged.

"October," he looked me in the eye, "I need to."

"What did they do to you Gee?" Mikey asked with a cracked voice.

Gerard looked back at his brother, "They... They tortured me."