Three Cheers

The cramps in my stomach and my inability to keep anything down forced Gerard to take me to the hospital. The guys watched Busy and Thora while we were gone; I hated being at the hospital, I wanted to be home with my girls.

The cramps were killer. I curled myself up in the ER bed and cried. I swore I was going to die, it was painful.

Dr. Green was called in immediately; Gerard was rubbing my back, his face was etched with fear. Dr. Green rushed me to have blood and x-ray taken. Gerard stood on the side, staying away so he wouldn't be a burden. I wished he was with me holding my hand. I hated being probed and scanned.

My stomach was scanned and the nurse gasped loudly. Dr. Green had rushed over to the screen. Gerard looked shocked when he peeked over.

"What?" I asked with a heavy tone.

"Holy shit." Gerard said, "Oh shit."

"What?!" I snapped.

"Get her out of the CT scan." Dr. Green ordered the other nurse, "Take her up to the ER."

I was utterly confused by everything. My chest ached, my head spun, "Gee, what's happening?" I asked desperately.

Dr. Green had shaken his head, "In the room, we'll talk."

I frowned, "Please tell me!"

The nurses didn't let them respond before they ushered me out and to the ER. I shut my eyes and held my stomach as the pain wavered. 

Finally, the nurses left; Dr. Green and Gerard took more than 15 minutes before they came into my lonesome room. Dr. Green rubbed his face, "This is miraculous and dangerous."

"What?" I asked angrily gritting my teeth.

"October, you're pregnant," Gerard said quickly, "I saw the baby."

My jaw slacked, "What...?" I mumbled.

"This is a miracle," Dr. Green said quickly, "The chances were extremely rare."

"What's the dangerous part?" I asked quickly.

Dr. Green sighed, "You may be suffering a miscarriage right now."

My eyes bulge, I couldn't speak. This was all so much.

"We aren't positive," he added quickly, "We think that's what your pain is."

I touched my belly, the pain was throbbing, "How far along is the baby?"

"3-4 months along," Dr. Green exhaled, "Did you experience any symptoms at all?"

I shook my head, "I figured the pills were making me gain weight."

Gerard sat down beside me, I looked at him. He put his head in his palms and his shoulders slumped.

"What now?" I asked softly.

"We're going to keep you under observation right now," Dr. Green came over to me, "Keep the IVs pumping and see how it goes. We can give you some harmless pain medication, but you're going to have to trudge through it."

I winced at the pain, "What if..."

"We'll take care of you, October."

I licked my lips, "How... How do we know if the baby will be okay?"

"Your pain subsides and we do an ultrasound. We should be doing that right away as well."

I couldn't believe it.

"This is crazy." I said quietly.

Dr. Green patted my arm, "Just hang tight."

I nodded as he left, leaving the room quiet. I looked to Gerard and touched his shoulder, "Gee?"

Gerard looked up, his eyes watering, "Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

He nodded and sniffled, "I'm fine..."

"What're you thinking?" I questioned quietly.

"I don't know..." he mumbled, "I keep seeing that little skeleton there. How did you not know?"

I furrowed my brow, "I didn't know I could get pregnant," I muttered, "My period is off and my pain comes and goes, you know that!"

He stood up, "I'm sorry, calm down."

I shut my eyes, feeling tears.

"I didn't mean what I said," he continued, "I just meant... I wondered how you didn't know."

"I didn't."

"I know." he said shortly, "Are you feeling better?"

I shook my head and wiped my eyes, "No. I'm losing our baby."

Gerard came over and sat beside me, "You aren't for sure. This baby could be okay."

I thought so many terrible things in that moment. So many sad things that I couldn't say aloud. I couldn't find my voice or nerve to say them.

"We're gonna have another baby, October," he said happily, "We should be happy."

"Not if they're just gonna die." I muttered thoughtlessly.

Gerard took hold of my hand and kissed my head, "We can hope that they'll live."


Dr. Green had come back a few hours later with the ultrasound machine. A nurse was with him, watching us with nervous and sadden eyes. Gerard squeezed my hand as they set everything up.

"Relax, October," Dr. Green said nicely, "Just take a deep breath."

I did as he said and calmed myself. Gerard and I watched the screen; the familiar fuzzy black, white and grey screen lit up. Dr. Green ran the scan across my stomach, which hadn't looked as if it changed or looked any different. The pain had subsided and I barely felt it now; my breath caught as soon as I saw the small form that is my baby.

Dr. Green watched the screen intently, "Everything looks fine," he affirmed slowly, "Can't be sure."

I watches the screen, trying to see any faults myself, but I saw none. I wish I knew the fate of this. I wish I could stop the world from spinning so fast.

"We'll run some blood test," Dr. Green said as he cleaned up my stomach, "So far, the baby looks healthy from the outside, but we can't tell much. We'll need to test your blood to make sure."

I nodded, "It's fine with me."

"How's your pain level?"

"I'd say a 3." 

Dr. Green smiled tightly, wanting to mean it, "Good. I'll check up on periodically." he patted my arm, "I'm hoping for the best, October."

"Are you expecting the worst?" I asked quietly.

He gave a reluctant nod, "I apologize."

"It's okay." I exasperated, "I feel the same way."


Gerard had gone to get coffee while I tried to sleep. It had been about 12 hours since we arrived at the hospital, and so far we were in the same predicament. We didn't know what was really wrong and we were worried as hell.

Gerard had called everyone and told them everything. I didn't hear their responses or questions. I didn't want to. All I really wanted was to slow down a bit. Even as I laid helplessly in this bed, it felt as if the world was moving too damn fast.

My babies were getting bigger and I was sick and pregnant. It was all so much and so quick. I wanted to just shout at the stop of my lungs and stop the world from spinning.

I'm in a tail spin and dizzy.

Gerard came in just as my body tensed from anxiety. He saw my face and rushed over to me. I started to shake, "What's going on?" he asked me.

I felt my throat tighten and my muscles pain; I was having a panic attack. I started to breathe funny and I wasn't able to speak. I just panted and tried to suck in deep breaths.

I was so sure I was going to die.

Gerard ran from my side while yelling for a nurse. I tried to force my body to relax and calm down. I needed to breathe, I shouted at my body. My body wouldn't listen. Instead my breathing shortened and I got light headed.