Three Cheers

My immune system was getting worse, so I was forced to have an oxygen mask. I was given some medication that made me sick and tired. I hadn't known how much time had passed, or if Gerard was around.

I was scared more than anything. Every time I woke up I searched for Gerard, or even one of my girls. I always forgot where I was, and that was frightening in itself.

It felt like a lifetime that I had been the hospital, before I was able to stay up long enough to remember where I was. Gerard, poor thing, was asleep in the armchair next to my bed. The room was dim, and it was really quiet; except for th e beeping of the IV machines. I scooted over, feeling throbbing pain in my back; I tapped Gerard's arm.

"Gee?" my voice was thick, "Gee?"

Gerard stirred until he opened his eyes. He exhaled, "Hmm?" he hummed, "October?"

"What'd I miss?" I questioned.

Gerard stood up; he was fast on his feet as he rubbed his face and stretched. He exhaled again, more of a yawn, "How do you feel?" he asked.

"My back hurts a little."

He came over and sat beside me, "You were in and out of it. The doctor gave you something for your pain and some vitamins. He said the baby is looking the same."

"We haven't lost them yet?" I asked.

He shook his head, "No... Dr. Green said we have to keep hope. Though, he's worried about your cancer coming back. He can't really see with the baby there."

"What happened with my blood test?"

"They said it's gonna take another day or so."

"How long have we been here? How are the girls?"

Gerard cupped my jaw with one hand, "They're okay, you've only been here a day. Everyone is taking care of B and Thora just fine." he rubbed his thumb over the apple of my cheek, "I had the tour postponed."

"What?" I furrowed my brow, "You can't do that."

"It's already done. The guys agreed with me, you know." he smiled slightly, "I knew you'd tell me not to, but I did."

I sighed, "But, Gee, you shouldn't have."

"Mikey, Ray and Frank suggested it. They demanded it, actually." he hand slipped down to my arm and then my hand, "They wanted to help us with the kids."

I sat up and rubbed my eyes, "I can't believe this. I was so sure I was okay."

"We all did. Dr. Green said this baby is a miracle." Gerard suddenly moved his hand to my stomach, "I want this baby, October, really."

I swallowed thickly, "This is so much, Gee. So much too fast."

His brow furrowed in wonder, "What're you saying? You don't want the baby?"

I shook my head, "No, I want this baby too, but what if we lose this baby? It's gonna kill me."

Gerard frowned, "It'll kill me too." he said quietly.

"And, it could kill me literally," I mumbled, "This is so fucked up."

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know." I exasperated, "I'm so unsure."

Gerard combed my hair back, "We'll talk to the doctor about it, okay?"

I gave a small nod. I just didn't want to deal with it at all.


Dr. Green came and checked up on me the following evening. He wanted me to think fully before he gave his expert opinion. I made him tell me before I did make a full decision.

"My opinion," he began slowly, "Is that you save your own life first, as narrow minded as it may sound."

"It's your opinion." I said.

Dr. Green exhaled, "Also, your child may not survive the next week, as well. Which may cause an infection."

I looked at Gerard, my stomach tensing. I'm sure it was the baby.

"What'll happen?"

"We can treat the infection, but we aren't sure how it'll counter act with your medication."

My heart began to thump against my ribcage, "So... I should get an abortion?"

Dr. Green nodded, "We can make sure that it's all handled carefully."

I looked at Gerard again who looked upset. I squeezed his hand, and then turned to Dr. Green again, "Can we talk for a minute?"

Dr. Green nodded, "Of course, just buzz the nurse when you need me."

"I will, thank you."

He patted Gerard's arm before leaving the room. Gerard shook his head, "I don't want that."

"I need to do it." I said.

"No way," Gerard stood, "This is my child, too, October!"

"Do you want me to die?!"

He was silent then. He turned his back to me and kept his mouth closed. I felt tears sneaking up on me.

"Look," he turned back to me, "You said when you got pregnant with Busy and you had the ulcer, they told you that it was in your best interest to get an abortion, right?"

"That's different, Gerard."

"How?"

"That was an ulcer, this is cancer!"

He shut his mouth and hung his head. I couldn't stop the tears from overflowing. Gerard sat away from me; I wanted to touch him.

"I'm sorry, Gerard, but this... This is a lot. I have two babies, I need to think about them."

"Can't we just try?"

"I'll get an infection."

Gerard shook his head, "Please? I'll pay whatever it cost to make you better."

"We can always have another baby." I stressed, "I only have one life, and I want to live for my babies."

Gerard sighed, stood up and rubbed his face. I wiped my eyes as he went to the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked just as he hand touched the door knob.

"To clear my head," he said softly, "I'll be back and I'll bring the kids." with that, Gerard left the room.

I wanted to throw something at him, but I had no energy to even try it. I just shut my eyes and let myself cry.


I told Dr. Green what I had decided and he understood how hard Gerard was taking it. He had dealt this these types of situations before. He sympathized with me.

We schedule the procedure for the next morning.

Gerard had finally come back two hours after he had left. He came back with Busy and Thora, and the guys, but they waited out in the lobby. Gerard carried Thora, while Busy ran to my bed, "Mama!"

I smiled, "Hi BB! I missed you, sweetness."

I helped her onto my bed and let her crawl into my lap and hug me. I kissed her head repeatedly, "Mama, you feels better?"

"Tomorrow, I promise, I'll feel better." I told her softly.

Gerard came over and let me take Thora. He sat down, "Be careful, Biz, mama's stomach is still hurting." he told her.

Busy scooted on my lap and looked at me and Thora, "When you comin' home?"

"Soon, B, I promise you." I leaned over and gave her a kiss, "Tell me what you guys did today."

Busy shrugged, "I'm helpin' Thora walk."

Thora had a pacifier in her mouth, her little hands touched my IVs with curious eyes. Busy looked at them too, "They hurt?"

I shook my head, "No, they're just making me all better."

Busy looked just like Gerard when she was thinking deeply. She turned to him, "Daddy, you comin' home?"

Gerard shrugged, "I'll be home with mama soon, but I gotta make sure she gets all better."

Busy sighed, "You always take forever." she grumbled.

I petted her hand, "I'm sorry, B."

She just looked down, "Hurry up and get better."

I smiled sadly, "I am, baby. I'm trying as fast as I can."