Three Cheers

Frank, Ray and Mikey took the kids back home, while Gerard stayed with me. I was surprised he was still by my side. He didn't talk to me, though, which had taken my mood and dragged it down.

I wished he would leave instead of inwardly hating me and just sitting there. I swallowed the sadden lump, "You can go, you know." I said softly.

He looked at me, "Why would I leave?" he questioned.

"You're mad. I'd rather have you be with B and Thora than here and angry."

Gerard shook his head, "You're still my wife, I ain't gonna leave you here alone."

"But, you're mad. I wish you'd just leave so you can be angry somewhere else."

Gerard exasperated, stood up and kept his back to me. I expected him to walk out or at least snap at me. He stood there for a moment before turning back to me, "You want me to leave?"

I shrugged, "If you're gonna be angry."

He sighed, "I'm not leaving."

"Why are you so angry? I'm the one who has to live with this."

"I'm angry because that's my baby too, October. It's fucked up you're going to get rid if it."

"You think I want to kill our baby?" I snapped at him, "I don't want to do that, Gerard, Jesus Christ!"

Gerard kept watching me, "I'm sorry."

"Dammit, don't apologize to me!"

He exhaled and sat down at the edge of my bed, "What do you want me to do then?"

"I want you to support me. You act like you're the only one who's losing a baby."

Gerard looked down, "I apologize for being an asshole."

I shook my head, "I want this baby,  too. But, we have two other babies to think about."

"I think we should try, October."

I frowned at him, "I can't risk this. I don't want to be any sicker than I am. I want to be home with our kids."

Gerard sighed, "Yeah, fine."

"Don't act pissy." I snapped at him.

"I'm not acting pissy!" 

I stared at him, "Yes you are. You're acting like a selfish brat."

He stood up again, "Selfish brat? Really? I'm here with you in the goddamn hospital, letting you kill my kid!"

His words felt like a slap in the face.

"You think about who's being selfish, October!"

I felt my face contort. I looked away and wrapped my arms around myself. Gerard was silent and so was I; he made me feel two inches tall. He made it seem like I wanted to do this. His voice is what made it seem that way.

"If you feel that way, leave then."

Gerard didn't hesitate to rush out of the room. I don't think I could've stopped him, he was too fast. All I could do was cry.


Gerard didn't come back. I went into surgery, came out and was put on medication. He still didn't show.

My dad had come, he was waiting in my room when I was rolled back in. I was dizzy and drowsy, so I didn't bother asking a thing. I just laid back and waited for the effects to wear off.

"How are you?" my dad asked.

I shrugged, my body felt like it was made of noodles.

"I'm sorry, honey."

Again, I shrugged.

"The girls are alright, Gerard is with them. He's a little upset."

I shut my eyes, feeling the sadness I had before my surgery. I started to cry; just tears, no sobs. I turned my head away and let the tears drown my eyes, my face.

"You want me to talk to him?"

I shrugged once again. I couldn't answer; I didn't want to. I had no real reason to.

"October, are you alright?"

I shook my head, "Tell him to stay away from me."

My dad stepped closer to my bed, I couldn't see him, "You want me to tell Gerard to stay away from you?"

I nodded slowly, "Tell him to leave me alone."

"Why?"

"Because I'm a selfish brat. I'm a murderer."

My dad put his hand on my shoulder, "Don't do this, honey. You're not any of those things."

I nodded again, "I am. He said so himself. Tell him to leave me alone since I'm so bad."

"You did what you chose to save your life."

"And for what? What was the point?" I opened my eyes, "Gerard hates me. I hate me."

My dad patted my back, "You'll feel better soon. After you get treatment."

It didn't matter much to me anymore. I didn't care.


I'm guessing Gerard had done what I said, because he hadn't returned. I spent an entire week in the hospital, undergoing treatment, when I was finally allowed to go home. My dad had come to get me, bringing Busy along; I hadn't seen her since my fight with Gerard.

I hadn't been so happy to see her. I was still in my funk though.

"Hi mama!" Busy burst into my room while I sat in the discharge wheel chair, "I missed you!"

I kissed her face, "I missed you, too, sweetness."

I let her sit in my lap, while a nurse wheeled me down. My dad followed, we were all silent as we went down. Busy rested her head on my chest, her fingers holding onto mine.

Down to the truck, Busy hopped of my lap and waited for me to get up; I followed her lead, saying thank you to the nurse before getting into the truck with Busy and my dad. Busy wrapped her arms around me, "I miss you."

I smiled, kissing her head, "I missed you too, B."

"Thora rollin' around too!"

"Is she?"

"Uh huh! I'm teachin' her to walk, mama."

I wrapped my arm around her, "You're a good big sister."

"Jilly helpin' me. Daddy leaved so he can't see her."

"When did he leave?"

"After breakfast." she said with a frown.

"It's okay, honey," my dad joined in, "He'll be back."

I wasn't too sure.