Left Behind

BRYCE

I paced outside the door waiting for Carter to come out. She had to be mad at me, but I hoped she understood what exactly happened before jumping to conclusions. I saw the door open and then she walked out running a hand through her long black hair.

“Carter,” I said walking over to her and touching her shoulder.

“Hm?”

“I didn’t mean to… I didn’t want to kiss her, I swear. Please forgive me. I don’t want you to be mad at me, and I want everything to be the exact same between us,” I said quickly and running out of breath.

“I’m not mad at you,” Carter said with a confused look on her face. “Who said that I was mad at you?”

“Well, you came running to the bathroom, so I thought…”

She chuckled for a second before saying the most obvious answer that I had already ruled out. “I came to the bathroom to pee.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, but you’re okay. If you want to talk to Kristen, kiss her, date her, I don’t really care. It makes sense to have feelings for your ex, so I can give you some space. A matter of fact, I can call Aliyah right now and tell her how right she was about everything. And, I can tell her to come and pick me up. It only takes forty-five minutes, and she would be here before the movie ends, so…”

“No, I want you to stay. I don’t have feelings for Kristen.” At least I don’t think that I do.

“Why did you bring me here?” Carter asked with embarrassment spread across her face. “If I would have known that Kristen was coming I would have stayed my ass at home.”

“I don’t know.” Of course I knew.

“You don’t know?”

“Let’s go back to the movie, please?”

“No.”

“Come on, Carter! You paid for a ticket, so you might as well watch it.”

“No, Bryce! Go watch the movie with Kristen,” she mocked as she folded her arms. “I’m not even mad that you kissed her, you know. I’m mad that you kissed her and you invited me here to witness it. I should just listen to her next time.”

“Listen to who?”

“Aliyah. I should have listened to Aliyah, because she actually knows what she’s talking about most of the time. You know what? She told me to stay away from you, and to not even talk to you, but I just had to ignore her because I'm the most stubborn person on earth.”

“What else does she tell you?”

“The truth.”

“Like what?”

“Like let me see your phone. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“No, I’m not letting you leave.”

She glared at me before her expression instantly turned to depressed. Without another word, she walked out of the theater and I followed behind her anxiously. She found a bench nearby and sat on it burying her face into her hands. I sat beside her not knowing exactly what to say or what was going through her head.

It wasn’t long before she looked up with tears streaming down her face. I opened my arms and she scooted closer to me, so I wrapped my arms around her body as she buried her head into my chest. “It’s okay,” I whispered to her.

“They won’t tell me anything,” she said as her voice broke a couple of times. “I don’t know what’s going to happen to her or what happened after they took her away or anything. And I hate this. I miss her so much, Bryce. Ever since she’s been gone, I haven’t felt loved or wanted or anything of any type of importance. I feel so alone.”

I learned that the best way to help Carter when she was like this was to let her talk. I would let her vent all of her feelings and barely say a word, and it would make her feel so much better. I liked being able to help her. “You’re not alone. You have so many people watching out for you.”

“But I feel like I am. Nobody understands me anymore. And nobody knows what I go through. I went through hell when she was here, but God, it’s even worse now. At least I had someone that I could talk to that went through the same exact thing, you know? But now that’s gone.”

“I’m here for you.”

“I’m so worthless. My own parents left me behind…”

“You are not worthless, Carter,” I said. “You know what? This probably won’t make you feel any better, but it’s their loss. And I may not understand like Lucy did, but you can always call me. Even if it’s three in the morning, I’ll answer, and you know that right?”

“I do now,” she said looking up at me. I wiped her tears away with my thumb as I rested my hand on her face. She stared at me for a while as I looked down at the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.

“And don’t ever think that you’re worthless. Nobody’s life is worth wasting,” I finished, satisfied with my words. Her head shot up and she looked at me suspiciously. “Seriously. Everyone’s felt like they’ve had no way out, and everyone has wanted it all to end, but we have to stick it out.”

“Yeah…”

“You don’t have to do it alone either. We can stick it out together.”

“Thank you,” Carter added positioning herself back into my arms. She wrapped her arms around my body like I did to her and I could smell her perfume lingering through the air around me. “Bryce?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you trying to tell me something?” she asked at a whisper.

I looked down at her again, and she stared directly into my eyes. “What do you mean?” I asked quietly.

“I don’t know. The things you say…”

“No, it’s the things you say.”

I brushed a couple of strands of hair from her face that the wind had put there. She didn’t move, and I began to gently play her hair. “You know… don’t you?” she asked as she tightened her grip on me.

“Yeah.”

“Well, aren’t you gonna ask me why?”

“No.”

“Why not?” she whispered as she let out a deep breath that she obviously had been holding in.

I shrugged. “It’s not for me to ask. You’ll tell me when you’re ready.”

“Okay.”

And that’s when I begin to wonder where I’d be right now if she would’ve jumped.