Boys & Things

I wander for a while. But Henry doesn’t like to be held for that long and his wiggling gets annoying. So after we’re in familiar territory, I put him down. I squat, my finger hooked through his collar. Henry moves to give my face a few licks but I hold him back. “Now you listen to me,” I tell him sternly, “I’m going to let you walk by yourself but you stay by me. Do not get into any vans with other dogs looking for their children. I don’t care if they have Beggin’ Strips. It’s not really bacon anyway. Do you understand me?” Henry wags his curly tail and sticks out his tongue. “Fine. Only one kiss.” I allow Henry to lap at my face once before I stand up.

Across the street is Carla Perry and her boyfriend, Jesse McDaniel. In Jesse’s hand is a leash that’s attached to a small, posh-looking Chihuahua. Carla and Jesse are the epitome of 90% of my generation. Jesse’s in Vans the same color as his shirt, with basketball shorts and Nike socks pulled way up. The snapback on his head is slightly crooked. This is his attempt at being original. He’s the type of guy that says ‘swag’ and waggles the hang loose sign while being the poster boy for YOLO. Carla is perma-tanned but she looks more like she spent a few hours in a Doritos bag. She wears PINK yoga pants and tank tops to show off her toned tummy and sparkly belly ring. Her boobs are always on full display.

I look down at my own body. Flat chest, straight as a ruler… it might as well be the body of a pre-pubescent boy. On the looks front, I have nothing going for me. And I just kissed my dog. When I look back up at them, Jesse is laughing and Carla is tapping away on her phone with one hand. For a second I think that they’re laughing at something else but then Jesse points and Carla laughs so loudly that I can hear it. That’s when I know they’re talking about me. I don’t know why it’s such a big deal. So my dog kissed me. It’s not like I let him hump my leg or stick his tongue down my throat. But that doesn’t seem to matter to one of the most vicious spreaders of gossip I’ve ever seen.

Facebook will explode tonight. EJ Black, gay-maker and dog-kisser. My reputation is outstanding. And as if things couldn’t get any worse, Henry decides that now is a good time to make new friends. He trots across the street. I have no choice but to follow him.

“Henry!” I yell but Henry ignores me. He goes right up to the Chihuahua and sniffs her. I can tell it’s a her by the rhinestone color and her bubblegum pink nails. Seriously. The dog’s nails are painted. And when I get closer, I can see that Carla’s match. Seriously. The little dog has her nose stuck up in the air, exactly like Carla’s. Only that’s only because Carla has a pig nose, not because she has her head pointed up. Henry’s tongue lolls out of his mouth and he uses it to lick his nose. Carla looks at me.

“Um, can you get your dog?” she asks me.

“Henry, come on,” I say. I go to lean down to grab him when he mounts the precious little pedigree.

Carla screams, which I think is a little dramatic. I mean, Chihuahua’s need love, too, you know? And Henry, he’s always smaller than all the girl dogs. But Carla has a fit. Jesse yanks on the leash and the little girl dog yelps in pain. I grab Henry, who has gone all Red Rocket on me.

“Princess is a purebred!” Carla snaps at me. Princess. Of course that’s her name. “And she’s in heat! She was supposed to go get bred tomorrow! I swear to god, EJ, if that dumb dog of yours has gotten my Princess pregnant…” She shakes her head and glares, like that’s supposed to intimidate me. News flash: it doesn’t. “There will be hell to pay!” Carla gingerly picks up Princess and stomps off. “Come on, Jesse.”

As he passes me, Jesse mutters, “Dog-kisser,” under his breath. I watch them go, my grip on Henry getting tighter and tighter the angrier I get. Henry whines a little bit and I put him down.

“What did I tell you, Henry?” I snap. “I told you to stay by me! Maybe I should have warned you about this before but rape is bad, Henry! Very, very bad! You have become the van driver, my friend. You do not want to be the van driver!” I sigh and push my hair back. My fingers snag in the snarls. I yank for a few moments but give up and just untangle my fingers, leaving the snarl there.

I sit down on the curb and wrap my arms around my legs, pressing my bony knees to my chest. I miss Colin. He would have known what to do. He would have known what to do with Carla and Jesse, and with Ben, and with Dad and Kelly. He would have made a better leash for Henry. Colin once told me that he ran away because he wanted to see if anyone would go after him. That was after the first time he ran away and Dad and I spent all night looking for him. He ended up being at Ricky’s house, hiding in his closet. Ricky’s mom drove him home when she found him a few days later. He said that he missed Mom, that Mom was really the only person who understood him. I told him that he was like two when she died but he always swore he remembered. It always hurt, that Colin thought that I didn’t understand him. But I guess I don’t.

I don’t understand why he runs away. I don’t understand why he’s always so angry. These are things Colin doesn’t tell me. Colin is the only person in the world that I care about anymore. As of this moment, I’m alone. I have no best friend or boyfriend or dad. I have Henry. I don’t have Colin. I would trade everything in the world to have my brother back but that’s impossible. I put my forehead against my knees and squeeze my eyes shut. My fingers curl into a tight fist. It’s easier to keep from crying if you just put pressure on everything.

Henry whines again and licks my leg. “Stop it Henry,” I say because comfort just makes it worse. But Henry doesn’t stop. It’s times like these that make me think animals understand more than we give them credit for. I pick Henry up and put my face in his fur. For once, Henry doesn’t try to squirm out of my grasp. He’s still, perfectly still. My tears drop onto his fur and I rub at my eyes to get them to stop.

It takes a few minutes but finally I’m back together again. “Ready to go home?” I ask. I don’t know where else to go. Henry licks my face. “Okay. Let’s go home.” He’s the perfect angel the whole walk back. He doesn’t even stop to pee until we get to our yard. “Good boy.” I don’t bother going through the window this time. I just open the door and step inside. Kelly is sitting on my couch, looking like she owns the place. I don’t see my dad yet.

Kelly frowns. “When did you leave?” she asks. She turns off the TV. If she thinks we’re going to have a heart to heart, she has another think coming.

“While you guys were having sex,” I say flatly. I let Henry back into the backyard and then go into my bedroom. I make sure to slam the door behind me. I take more vitamin D and wash my face before applying another layer of aloe vera. There isn’t anything else to do so I stand in front of my window and watch Cooper play more solitaire. I realize that I’m creepy, standing there and watching Cooper but I can’t bring myself to care.

After a few losses, Cooper looks up. We stare at each for a while before he gets up and leaves his kitchen. I sit down on my floor and lay down, sprawling out on the scratchy carpet. I’m weighing the pros and cons of killing yourself via vitamin D pills when my door slams open and there’s Kelly, her eyes wide.

“EJ, what did you do?”