Boys & Things

Kelly isn’t there when I get home. But Dad looks like he’s been waiting for me. I close the door and walk into the living room. He sits his chair up and mutes the TV.

“EJ, can I talk to you?” he asks me. He’s been watching some crime show on TV. Maybe one of the CSIs. I only like Miami and this doesn’t look like sunny paradise nor is there a ginger badass. I turn my gaze from the TV, not really in the mood to have a father-daughter bonding moment. After having the rumor mill chew me up and spit me out and dealing with Tate and whatever the hell is going on in his head, I’m just ready to go into my room and never come out ever again.

I sigh. “I guess,” I say.

Dad rearranges the magazines on the coffee table and places a beer can on a coaster even though there’s already a ring. “I know you’re unhappy with my relationship with Kelly,” he begins. I roll my eyes. This is going to be another Kelly-Dad thing. At least she’s not there to feel him up this time. “But I really do care about her. I never expected to but it just happened. And then she said she felt the same, that she had for a long time, and well, I didn’t want to hurt you, EJ, please know that.” I raise my eyebrows and wait for him to continue. “Once she turned 18, we just couldn’t deny our feelings anymore.”

Kelly turned 18 about six months ago. “You’ve been going at this since November?” I ask. I should probably be glad that they hid it so well. But all I can think is how they’ve both lied to me. “So that’s why it always took her forever to go to the bathroom and why she always offered to get snacks from the kitchen.” I nod. “Glad to see you’re both such great people, protecting me with lies and everything. Really, great parenting, Dad.” I pause in the hallway entrance, a picture of Mom smiling with her arm around Dad just before they were married hangs in front of me. “Maybe I’ll be like Colin and run away, too.”

I make sure to slam my door as hard as I can. Pictures rattle on the walls. Compared to Tate’s room, my room is a mess. Actually, compared to any room, my room’s a mess. It looks like a tornado tore through it.

I think of Tate’s diary, how he talks about his day and whether or not it was good. Or how everything is labeled. I think briefly on what it said about me but it only muddles my thoughts so I stop. I gingerly step over the mess on my floor and go stand in front of my window. Cooper’s sitting absently at the kitchen table, a spread of cards in front of him. But I can tell his heart isn’t in it. He glances at his phone, time check, and then over at my window. At me.

He forces the window up and grins at me, an invitation to join him. I open mine and sit on the window sill. “Hey, EJ,” he calls.

“Hi Cooper,” I reply.

“Do you wanna go somewhere?” he asks.

I look at my door. It leads to the living room where my dad is, where Kelly will probably be soon. They’ll probably have sex. Maybe I won’t hear it but it’ll still be happening in the place where I am. Then I look back at Cooper, who’s cute and nice and not psycho like Tate. I think of Ben, the only person who ever got close to me and how it made him gay.

“Are you gay?” I ask Cooper suddenly.

Cooper’s eyes widen. “Um, no,” he says, laughing nervously.

“Will you ever become gay?”

“No.”

“Do I make you think gay thoughts?”

“EJ, what the hell are you talking about?”

I nod then. “Okay,” I say, “Let’s go somewhere.” I swing my leg over the window sill and hop out onto the ground. Henry gives me a mournful bark from the backyard. I look at him and glare. “No. Last time I took you out, you impregnated Princess and you got half the town calling me a doggy lover and not in a good way. No more walks for you.” I look back at Cooper who is kind of looking at me like I’m crazy. And maybe I am. My brother’s gone, my dad’s fucking my best friend, and I’ve got a lunatic calling me his girlfriend. “Well?” I demand, practically stomping my foot in impatience. Now that I’m out, I want to go. There’s a sort of rush that comes with leaving without anyone knowing. “Are we going somewhere or not?”

Cooper grins at me and jumps out his window as well. “Doors are for wusses.”

I correct him, “Doors are for best-friend-fucking-backstabbers.”

Instead of laughing like I expect him to, Cooper’s face falls. “Best friend fucking?” he repeats. “Kelly is seeing someone?” And I know that, as nice as Cooper is, he’s still not over Kelly. I want to punch myself for bringing it up.

“Um,” I say intelligently. I pray to god Cooper doesn’t make the connection to my dad. “Well, you see, it’s kind of a long story.” I really don’t want to hurt Cooper’s feelings because Kelly was right before when she said I needed a friend. Colin isn’t here. Kelly is no longer my anything and Henry can’t exactly give me award-winning advice. Unless sniffing people’s asses and licking your crotch can actually help solve real life problems.

Cooper nods and then fakes a smile. “Well, come on, then,” he says. “Let’s go somewhere, shall we?” I smile, too. It’s just as fake as his but Cooper is on his cruise down denial and he doesn’t seem to care. “Should we go to the park?”

“No,” I say. “Tate will probably be there and I might kill him if I have to see his face again.”

“So then I guess it’s not true,” Cooper says. “You and Tate aren’t dating.”

I actually laugh out loud. “No,” I say, “no, we are not. Nor will we ever.”

“I think you might actually be the only girl to ever say that,” he says. His smile turns real and I manage to give him a genuine grin back. We start down the sidewalk, heading in the direction of the town, away from the park. We have no set destination but there’s got to be something happening in town or somewhere there we can go. Somewhere that’s not the park. That’s where everyone goes. That’s probably where my lynch mob is, actually. It’s probably made up of vegans and Tate-lovers. They want to rid of the world of disgusting Tate-stealing dog-lovers like me.

We walk for a while and Cooper talks about what he’s done this summer (nothing, besides lose at Solitaire). Then he brings up my stalker status. “So, you like to watch me lose at cards, huh?” he says, nudging me with his shoulder.

“You always give up too quickly,” I tell him. “I always see moves you could do but you always just fold.”

Cooper shrugs. “Why don’t you help me out then?” he asks.

“Because then you’d realize I was being creepy.”

We leave the neighborhoods full of lookalike houses and enter the town full of lookalike buildings. We pass by a few boutiques. They’re tourist traps and ridiculously expensive. But they’re good places to get a job if you need one in the summer. There’s an ice cream shop, another touristy place, but they have the best ice cream in town. Definitely worth the extra dollar they make you pay, local or not.

“Wanna get some ice cream?” Cooper says. He pulls out his wallet. “I got money.”

“Stealing me out my window and buying me ice cream. Does that make this a date?” It’s meant to be a joke. In my head, it had sounded like a joke. But Cooper clears his throat and looks away. He must still be upset over Kelly and my date joke merely brought up the fact that he has to take me, gay-maker, out instead of my dad-loving best friend. If only he really knew who Kelly’s new boyfriend is. But I don’t want to hurt him anymore than I already have so I awkwardly cough and go into the ice cream shop, eager for something to do besides shove my foot in my mouth.

I want to walk out again. Forget great ice cream. Forget Cooper. Tate Armstrong is sitting in a booth with two girls. Each girl has a cup of ice cream in front of them and it’s obvious they’re trying to be sexy. They suck on the spoons in a provocative way but Tate just looks bored. He looks up when the door tinkles and he jumps to his feet.

“EJ, my girlfriend!” he says loudly, just as Cooper walks in behind me saying, “EJ, about that date…”