Beautiful Mess

Matt immediately sat up and took me into his arms. "Baby, what's wrong? Please tell me."

I buried my face in his chest, completely embarrassed. I hated crying. The only time I'd ever cried in front of Matt was at Lacey's wedding. "I don't want you to go on tour. I don't want you to leave!"

"Lindsey," Matt sighed, rocking me slightly. "It'll be okay. Hell, you can come with me if you want."

I shook my head and wiped at my eyes, trying desperately to stop the flow of tears. "I can't. I have a job."

He nodded. "I understand. Look, I promise it will be fine. I won't be gone long."

"No!" I yelled. "You say 'I won't be gone long' when you're gonna be gone a day, or a weekend. And how long will you be gone, exactly?"

He sighed and pushed his hand back through his hair. "A few months."

I stood up and start putting my clothes back on. "I can't take it, Matt. I can't go that long without you."

He jumped up and grabbed his boxers from the floor. "What do you want me to say, Lindsey?" he snapped. "I have to do this! You knew this about me when you agreed to be my girlfriend!"

"I know," I said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry. I don't want you to think I don't support you, because I do. I know that you have to go, but it's knowing that this won't be the only time you leave that scares me."

I saw him tense up as he folded his arms acrossed his chest. "Do you hear yourself? Do you see what you're doing? You're turning back into your old self! You know, the one who didn't have a boyfriend because she didn't trust anyone."

I rolled my eyes and looked away as another tear escaped from my eye. Matt stepped toward me and sat down next to me. "Lindsey, I love the hell out of you. Don't you see that? I mean, am I doing a bad job showing you how I feel? Because until about five minutes ago I thought I was doing pretty damn good!"

"No, I know you love me," I said quietly, unable to look him in the eye.

"Then what is the problem here?"

"Matt, I can't do this," I said, standing.

"What? Lindsey, don't," he said. I heard him stand up behind me. "Don't you dare walk out on us. Stop running away because you're scared."

I shook my head and walked toward the door. "I'm sorry, Matt."



"You did what?" Lacey screamed across the counter. I kept my eyes on the arrangement I was working on so I didn't have to look at her. "Lindsey, please be joking right now. Please, pretty please tell me you didn't break up with Matt because of the tour."

It sounded even worse when someone said it out loud. "Yeah, I did."

"But why? Tours are no big deal."

I sighed, "Look, I know I'm a terrible person and it sounds like the stupidest reason in the world to end things with him. It's just the more I thought about being in a relationship with someone who's gonna be gone so much...I just can't handle it."

"It's not easy," she admitted, "but it's not the worst thing in the world! Come on, don't do this to him."

I shook my head. "It's better this way."