Beautiful Mess

Matt

I stepped onto the bus and went straight to my bunk, just like I'd done every night since the tour began. The rest of the guys were still mingling with some fans, but I didn't want to do anything but go to sleep.

I was honestly having a terrible time on this tour, which had never happened to me before. All I wanted was to be at my house and in my bed. The only time I didn't feel this way was when I was onstage. I hated Lindsey for making me feel like this. I hated her for making me love her so damn much.

I kicked the thin blanket that I usually used to the floor. My clothes were still slighty damp with sweat from being onstage and I was burning up, but I didn't even want to get up and change clothes.

"Matt?" I heard someone call.

I stood up and saw Johnny walking toward me with his cell phone pressed to his ear. "Okay, he's right here," he said into the phone before holding it out to me. "Lacey needs to talk to you." He looked up at me, and I could tell that something was wrong.

"Hello?"

"Matt," Lacey said softly. She sounded like she was crying. "I'm sorry, I know you just got done with the show and you're really tired, but this is too important."

"Lace, what's wrong?"

I heard her sigh. "About a week after you guys left, Lindsey found out she was pregnant."

My stomach flipped and I could hear my heart pounding. "Oh my God...why didn't anyone tell me?" I was trying not to yell, but it was too hard not to with the sudden flood of mixed emotions.

"She wanted to, Matt. I know she wanted to, but you know Lindsey. She was so scared."

"Wow, this...I don't even know what to say. Should I be happy?" I pushed my hand through my hair and sat down.

"No. She lost the baby, Matt." My stomach turned again, and I thought for sure I was going to throw up all over the floor of the bus. "She called me from work today and told me she was bleeding really bad, so I came and got her. I'm still in the emergency room with her now."

"She's there with you?" I asked. "Will she talk to me?"

"I don't think it's a good idea right now," she replied. "I'm out in the hall. She doesn't even know I called you. Plus, she's kind of a mess right now. She hasn't stopped crying since we got here."

My mind could barely even process all of this. It wass a lot of information to receive in five minutes, and I didn't even know what to say.

"I'm sorry to just call you and overwhelm you with all this," Lacey continued, "but it was the right thing to do. You deserved to know."

I cleared my throat and put my face in my hand. "Yeah, thanks. Can you call me or something tomorrow and let me know she's alright?"

"Of course," she answered. "I'm gonna go now. I need to get back in there with her."

"Okay, bye." I hung up without waiting for her to say goodbye back to me.

I held the phone out to Johnny, who was still standing in the same spot. He took it and sat down next to me on the floor. "You okay?"

I shook my head. "No. I don't even how to process all of this."``

I felt his hand land on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, man. I wish there was something I could do."

I dug around in my pockets to make sure I had my cell phone and my wallet, then stood up. "Well, you can explain everything to the guys, because I have to go home."