Chasing Cars

John sat in the uncomfortable chair situated right in the middle of the hospital waiting room. His right leg bounced up and down so quickly it seemed to blur. His eyes were trained on the stainless steel doors through which the doctors had disappeared with the girl. No one had told him anything yet and his leg began moving faster.

“John O’Callaghan?”

John’s head snapped to the side, his eyes refocusing on the police officer standing in front of him. The older man’s face was completely blank, his hand gripping an open notebook and pen. There were several other officers about 10 feet behind him, but they were all engaged in their own conversation, hands clenched tight around disposable coffee cups. John shifted his eyes back to the man who had spoken his name. There was a shiny pin on his uniform declaring his last name to be Stevenson. He seemed far too calm for this situation. John himself was a mess. His hair was in disarray from repeatedly tugging and running his fingers through it, his clothes were wrinkled and there were several smears and specks of the girl’s blood on his jeans. But this weathered looking man had probably seen much, much worse than a simple car accident. John nodded.

“My name is Officer Stevenson. I’ve got a few questions for you. Mind coming down to the station with me?” John licked his lips.

“Can we stay here?” The man raised an eyebrow. John cleared his throat nervously. “I’ll answer any questions you have, I promise, I just don’t want to leave her.” His eyes drifted back to the doors but they were still shut tight. Officer Stevenson followed the younger man’s gaze.

“Do you have some sort of relation to the victim?”

“No.” John replied, looking back up at the man whose face now seemed a bit confused. “I just…no one is here. She got hit by a car.” Here his voice faltered, guilt flooding through him, eyes pricking slightly with tears he quickly banished. “She got hit by a car and could be dying and no one is here for her. Someone should be here for her.”

Officer Stevenson nodded slowly. It was obvious that the boy sitting before him was in an extremely fragile state, and he didn’t blame him. Any 23-year-old involved in something like this probably would be. John needed to be handled gently. He took a seat next to him.

“I need you to go over tonight in as much detail as possible. I’ll interrupt you if I have any questions.”

“I was headed to my parent’s house.” John’s voice shook as his eyes glazed over, replaying the night’s events as if it was happening right in front of him. “I’m in a band. The Maine. We just got back from tour and were celebrating.”

“Do you usually live in your parents how while in town?”

“No. I own an apartment with one of my friends. Eric Halvorsen. He’s in a different band.” Officer Stevenson nodded and jotted something down in his notebook.

“And were you drinking at this party?”

“Yes.” John admitted shamefully. “But I swear it was only a few beers. I’ll take a breathalyzer or a BA if you want.” The officer just scribbled in his notebook before motioning for John to continue. “I was tired. My parents live in a neighborhood just off of that street. I wasn’t really paying attention. I just wanted to get home and sleep. And then…” John’s eyes clenched shut, but that just intensified the image of that girl appearing in front of his truck. He couldn’t open them though. All he could do was remember that look of pure happiness on her face and then the flash of absolute terror right before the impact.

“And then…?” Officer Stevenson prompted.

“She was just there.” John’s voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper, tears now slipping out of his still closed eyes and clinging to his eyelashes. “She came out of nowhere. One moment everything was normal and then she was just right in front of my truck. I slammed on my breaks and honked the horn, but she didn’t move.” John’s eyes opened, his body turned and he was now facing Officer Stevenson head on, staring straight into his brown orbs.

The older man couldn’t help but be a bit taken aback by the emotion pouring out of the boy. He looked haunted, eyes still slightly unfocused as he was forced to revisit what was probably one of the most traumatic experiences of his short life.

“I couldn’t turn the wheel. It locks up sometimes. My brakes weren’t fast enough. I was already too close to her. She just stood there. There was nothing I could do. It wasn’t until I hit her that I finally stopped. She was already unconscious by the time I got to her. I thought she was dead but when I felt for a pulse I found one. I called 911. Traffic had cleared up. It was late. I moved my truck to the side of the road. It barely has a scratch on it.” John’s already broken voice cracked. This girl was most likely going to die and his fucking truck still worked perfectly fine. The dent wasn’t even something most people would see at first glance. “I made them let me come with her. She needed someone, anyone. And when they asked me what happened I told them, and then they called you.”

John finally broke eye contact, slumping over. He buried his face in his hands, shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Officer Stevenson didn’t say or do anything as he watched John completely break down in front of him.

“She came out of nowhere. I tried to stop. Tried to get her to move. But she just stood there with a smile on her face. I did everything I could. She came out of nowhere.”

John couldn’t get anything else out as the tears hit full force, rendering him speechless. Officer Stevenson flipped his notebook shut and patted his back.

“She came out of nowhere.” John repeated in a whisper, somehow managing to be heard
through his tears.

“I know, son.” Without another word, the officer stood and walked back to his companions. John didn’t even notice.

“She came out of nowhere.”