You Got Me Poppin Champagne

ERIN'S POV

When I woke, the space in the bed beside me was empty. It was still warm, which meant Alex hadn't been gone long. I surveyed the room and panicked a little when I couldn't see Jasey, but then I remembered that Alex's parents had taken Jasey into their room a couple of nights ago so we could have more privacy. I smiled a little at that, because their main reasoning had been that we would be newlyweds. Newlyweds. Tomorrow I would be married to the most amazing man on the planet, the most beautiful one, the one I had looked up to and admired for so long, since he started to save me with his music. The amount of nights I'd spent dreaming about marrying him when I was just a fan, inventing little scenes for us and videos to the songs, starring us...and it was actually happening. I was actually marrying Alex Gaskarth.

I squealed a little, enjoying my happiness, and jumped out of bed, changing into a striped black and white long sleeved t-shirt, red converse, and maternity jeans. Ughk. I felt so fat in these...then again I was having twins...god, I really hoped I would lose the weight like I had with Jasey. But my boobs would probably remain a little bigger. That's the awesome part about pregnancy. Your boobs get bigger, and they stay bigger after you've had the baby. At least, they did for me. I know right, how awesome is that? Alex would never admit it for fear of warding me off due to sounding like too much of a superficial pervert, but I think he loved that too.

I couldn't decide how to do my hair, so I just ran a brush through it and let the blonde waves fall about my shoulders. No sooner had I finished the little make up I wanted to wear, there was a knock on the door and Cass entered the room.

"Hey, you ready to go babe? We figured we'd take you out to a fancy restaurant for lunch. Allie's left Shane with your in-laws, the resident baby sitters."

"Lunch? Don't you mean breakfast?"

Cass laughed. "Oh sweetie, it's almost one thirty, I think this constitutes as lunch."

My eyes popped. "Seriously? What? Oh lord...don't we have last minute wedding stuff to do today?"

She shook her head. "Nope, all taken care of, which means we can enjoy the day! So, restaurant?"

"How about a chippy instead? Do they have those over here? You know, like English chip shop style? I only found one in Baltimore, I haven't really had the chance to research them around here..."

Cassadee smiled as she shook her head. "Oh lord. You can take the girl outta England but can't take England out of the girl. I'm sure we can find one. Come on, let's go."

I grinned and followed Cass out the room, locked it, and greeted my small bridal party before heading off with them on our search for a chippy.

It was all I could do to smile to hide my nerves about calling my mother's hotel and meeting up later to talk about things she never knew I had known for a very long time now.

ERIN'S MOTHERS POV (I can't remember the name I gave her...or if I gave her name. Shall we call her Kate? Yeah, let's go with that)

I took in a deep, shaking breath as I looked the gold band that once took up residence on my third finger. It glistened in the frosty sun, and I couldn't stop twirling it with fascination. Eternal. That's why it was a ring for weddings, to show eternal love. Hah. Eternal love. Yeah right. Sure, it happened for some. But for me? No. Who finds eternal love in a marriage forced because of some bastard raping and then abusing you further?

All those unhappy years I had wasted on him, the years I had blamed Erin for the pain I went through each day. The times I had hit her. The pain that shot through my chest almost made me scream, but I gritted my teeth and endured it. I deserved this pain, this emotional torment. Everything I had done to her...I didn't deserve to be here. I didn't deserve to be a mother. I knew Erin would be a good mother...is a good mother. She has everything I never could. Someone who actually loves her. I wish I'd had that. Maybe then I wouldn't have resorted to this. This desperation. The past few months...the therapy, the anger management, it all amounted to this.

I leaned my head back and breathed the cold air in gratefully.

Then I heard a voice that snapped it straight back up into focus.

"Mom...hi..." Erin said as she sat tentatively next to me, on the other end of the park bench, her arms wrapped around her bulging stomach. I smiled briefly at her.

"You came."

"Of course I came, you asked me to. You're my mother."

I shook my head and laughed bitterly. "I don't deserve to be your mother, not after everything I put you through. I know how horrible it was. I know I should never have inflicted that sort of hell upon you. You never deserved any of it. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you how sorry I am. At least, never make you understand how sorry I am."

Erin did something which surprised me then. She took my hand in hers.

The action was so tentative, it scared me a little. Surely she had some ulterior motive? I understood completely if she wanted to hurt me. What I couldn't understand was that when I looked at her to find her bright green eyes staring back at me, I saw sympathy in them. Maybe a little sadness, and...forgiveness.

"Alex told me what you said to him mom. And I believe you. I really do. Because...well because I saw what happened to you. I saw everything. I saw how dad dragged you by your hair into the bedroom, I heard you screaming for him to stop, I heard all the arguments. I know you were trying to keep me safe, but you hated how I'd been conceived and that fueled your anger and hatred towards me. I remember hearing the conversation with dad's parents when they saw your bruises. I know you asked them to take me, even though most of the damage had already been done. I know how scared you were, how fragile." She rolled my sleeve up and cradled my wrist in her hands, tracing the puckered line of a scar, a memory. Memories similar to that decorated most of my body. Wherever I could reach, wherever I could see, that was where I had sliced the knife across my own skin, wanting to drown out the pain inflicted by my so called husband. This pain I could control. I could have power over myself, this was a desperate attempt at escapism. Most of the cuts, I had made on the nights that monster decided he wanted me in his bed. Another attack. Because I needed to have control. "I remember when you did this, mom. I saw you. I heard you. You didn't deserve it. And...when I was seven....I saw you in the bathroom. I saw you take the pills. And when that didn't work, I saw you a few months later with your head in the bathtub. I saw you broken. It scared me. That was why I was mad, that was always why I hated you. It was like you gave up. You stopped fighting. I could handle the hitting, but I couldn't handle you breaking. Because what hope did I have then? I was angry at you for not wanting to fight, for letting him win. And then not being brave enough to admit it. But now you have. You got out. And I'm proud of you, you finally fought back. It's okay mom. I forgive you. It's okay. I get it, I understand. Please, don't give up again. You have me back. I don't hate you. Not now."

After Erin had made her speech, I felt tears falling down my cheeks. Oh god. If only she knew. There was so much more I had to tell her. Upon seeing my tears, Erin started to cry silently herself, but she smiled and pulled me into a hug, holding me, protecting me.

"It's okay mom, I promise. I forgive you. You're safe now."

I had to tell her. "But Erin, there's more. There's so much more."

Erin stroked my hair, like I should have done when she was a child, to comfort her rather than taking out my anger on her. I saw that now. "No, mom, it's enough, you did just fine. And you're gonna be a grandmother. Hell, you already are. I know you'll be great with Jasey and whoever's coming. Alex will be happy that we get to fix this. He's been through a lot too. We haven't talked about it yet, but we will. He'll be happy."

"You should talk to him. You have a good one there, I know he'll treat you just right."

I felt Erin smile without looking at her to check. "He already does. Alex is wonderful, and he's the best father. I love him." She needn't have finished with those three words, it was already plain enough by the tone in her voice. It was filled with wonderment, tenderness, care, awe, reverence, and yes, above all, it was filled with love. And I bet she didn't even know it. I pulled back to look at her dazed face. I bet she didn't even know that she looked like she was in love.

I touched my hand to her cheek and smiled at her. "I know you do. You'll be happy Erin, you really will. But I won't be here to see it."

Shock and confusion crossed Erin's face. "What? No, you have to be!"

I pressed my lips together, but knew it wouldn't stop the fresh batch of tears. "I can't be. Erin...Your father didn't leave me-"

"No, I know, you left him, so what?"

I shook my head. "No, Erin. I didn't leave him. He didn't leave me. It was getting too much. I was seeing anger management after the last time I saw you, and a couple of weeks ago...he got mad. He wanted me to stay in, didn't want me to go, but I told him I was going. He didn't like that. So I didn't go. I wanted to walk out and away from him for so long, but I couldn't. He always found away to scare me into staying. That night...he had his way again. I couldn't stop him, but I managed to learn to block out what happened when he...when he...invaded me. I had to learn. But this time I promised myself was the last time I would let him do it." I paused and collected myself again, having to find my voice again through all the hurt. Erin was watching me intensely, eyebrows furrowed, trying to figure it out. I bit my lip before continuing. "I left him in the bed and went to the chest of draws while he was sleeping, I had to be quite because I didn't want him to wake up and be mad at me for disturbing his sleep. I found the small knife I always used on myself...and I put it straight through his heart. He woke up and screamed, but I didn't care. I was finally standing up for myself. I stabbed him again in his stomach and didn't stop. I killed him, Erin, I'm a murderer. I killed your dad."

ERIN'S POV

I caught my breath in the back of my throat as I stared into my mothers eyes, void of any life, the result of the torment she had been through her whole life. But then I swallowed and collected myself.

"He was never my dad. He was just a biological part in bringing me about."

"I killed him, Erin, I killed a person, a human being...how could I do that? Oh god, I killed him. I killed a person." My mother stared out at the scenery, arms wrapped around herself, trying to keep herself from falling apart, but it wasn't working and the empty scream of mourning ripped out from between her lips. It wasn't a scream from grief of the man, if he could be called such a thing, it was grief for what was left of her virtue.

I pulled her back to me again, ignoring her protests, just wanting to stop the broken screams and sobs. "No, he wasn't a person, a human being, he was a monster. You were defending yourself. You needed to do it. I'm not angry at you, I understand. You escaped, you did it. You broke free. You're safe mom, you're safe. He's gone. No one can hurt you now." I held onto her with all I had, trying to comfort her somehow, if I could.

We sat like that for a good few minutes, with her crying, me telling her it would be okay, that she didn't have anything to worry about, because no one was coming to hurt her now.

Eventually her cries died down and she sniffled before saying "I don't have much longer. They'll come for me soon enough. But I don't want them to take me until after the wedding. I need to see you married. I need to see you happy."

The police. She was going to let them get her. I wanted to stop her, I didn't want her going to jail, she was my mom. I only just started to fix things with her. But I knew she probably wouldn't be happy having to deal with the guilt of not only hitting me but killing her husband. "I will be happy mom, I promise. For you."

She smiled at me, and I saw genuine care, a soft expression that made her tight features seem beautiful. Younger, better, like a mother. "Good, I'm glad. Not much longer now. They'll be here soon, I'll make sure of it. I'll turn myself in, I promise."

No, mom, please don't, I silently begged her in my head. But I didn't say that. I kept it to myself and instead smiled back, trying to force the threatening tears to stay hidden. At least we would have tomorrow. Then it would all go to hell, in more ways than one.