You Got Me Poppin Champagne

ERIN'S POV

I woke up the day after my wedding, my first official day as Alex's wife, and could barely catch my breath as I gasped for air. As soon as I opened my eyes, I shot straight up in the bed, clutching my chest in an attempt to calm myself down.

Alex's sleeping form stirred and when he saw the state I was in, immediately sat up with me and put his arms around me. I gratefully leaned into them and relaxed in my personal heaven. I closed my eyes and sighed in relief. I was okay, Alex was here, everything was okay. "Thank God," I whispered shakily, still trying to collect myself.

Alex stroked my hair soothingly and pulled me to him tighter. "You okay baby?"

I nodded against his chest. "Yeah, I just...last night, I had this nightmare, it was awful, it really shook me up. But it's alright. Everything's okay, it was only a dream." And when I said that, his whole body went stiff, awkward, like there was something wrong with our perfect lives.

He pulled back and looked into my eyes cautiously before he spoke. "Erin, I'm so sorry, but..."

I felt a lump forming in my throat. "Don't say it Alex, don't you dare fucking say it, don't, just don't."

"Erin," he started, in a soft voice, probably breaking his heart at the same time as mine began to shatter. No. That wasn't right. It had shattered last night, hadn't it? But no, I wouldn't believe it. i couldn't believe it. It was just a nightmare, a bad dream, a fiction.

"No. No, no, no! Please, don't say it Alex! It's not true! It can't be true! Don't lie to me you bastard!" I cried, as I tried to pull away from him, but he held on, just like I knew he always would, and any other day that would have comforted me. But not today. Not when my world was falling apart. Not when he was trying to make me believe something that couldn't possibly be true.

His callous hands cupped my face as he looked directly in my eyes which were now full to the brim with tears.

I shook my head as if I was a broken doll as the tears streamed down my face. "No," I whimpered. "No, please. No. Alex, no, please, it's not true. Please. Don't lie to me."

Alex bit his lip, maybe he was trying to comprehend how he could possibly calm me down. How he could make everything okay, but nobody could make everything okay. Not this time. "I'm so, so sorry," he repeated earnestly, which just made me cry harder.

It was as if everything i had ever held onto had disappeared from my life. And I cried and cried and cried. Like a child, unashamedly, not caring who would hear, not caring who would pass judgement, not caring what they would think, the stories they would invent. I was practically screaming, mourning the return of the now lifeless part of myself. "No!" I repeated, screaming despite my voice turning hoarse and raw, barely catching the odd apology from Alex as he desperately clung to me, trying to give me something to hold onto.

"You're lying!" I screamed into his chest as I hit it with my balled up fists. "You're lying, you asshole! You're lying!"

"I'm not! I'm really not, I wish to god I was, Erin, please, believe me," he replied in a quiet voice almost as broken as my own. But we were distraught over different things. He was distraught over this sudden change I had adopted. I doubted he had ever seen me like this before. I don't think I was ever as broken as I was that morning. When everything had started out okay, but my pretense that everything was okay had been torn to pieces and the flames were licking it, slowly burning my tortured self into hysteria.

"No! Tell me it's not true! It can't be true! Tell me it's not true!" I begged, my voice a fragile broken thing now.

I could easily hear the tears stain his voice. "I'm sorry Erin, I can't, you know I can't."

"But it was just a dream," I whimpered.

"No, no, Erin, it wasn't a dream. You know it wasn't. I'm sorry Erin, I really am. But it's not a lie. It's all true. We both know it's true. Please, Erin, you need to calm yourself down. The twins...it's not good for them, please, just try. I'm so sorry Erin, baby, please, I'm here for you. I'm still here. I'll always be here. But I can't lie to you. Not now, not ever. I'm sorry."

"But I only just got her back."

"I know baby, I know."

ALEX'S POV

it was like she just...shut down. It was like she was dead inside, but then again, I guess she really was. And the worst part was that her mother had known all along. She knew this was how it would end. That was why she had apologized to me. I told Erin that her mother had told me to apologize, but I think it had just made things worse.

Erin didn't do anything. She just sat there. the whole trip back to Baltimore, she was silent. She wouldn't even hold Jasey when she cried. She never cradled her baby bump like she always used to. She ignored everything around her. It was like nothing existed for her anymore. Her vibrant eyes, full of joy, full of life, they were dull now. there was nothing behind them. Not even sadness. Just emptiness.

I hadn't heard her speak in what felt like an eternity. The band would come over, and they would try their very best. Even Jack, he was amazing. He never stopped trying to make her smile. Cass, Allie and Sam visited too, but Erin wouldn't look at them again, or talk, or anything. When Allie bought Shane with her, it was even worse. Erin would just stand up like a robot and leave the room.

Something in her had died, and I could only try my very best to guess how she was feeling. I'd been through a similar situation, but let's face it, everyone was individual. Nothing ever felt the same to two people, it was all about perspectives. And while everyone felt different things, no feeling was worse than the other. It wasn't a competition.

When my birthday came, I couldn't bring myself to go out. Erin was still lifeless, and I had a duty to look after her, through everything. I had promised in my vows. the guys wanted me to go out with them, but they understood. Rian and Cass understood when I politely declined the offer to join them on a celebration of their first anniversary. I had tried to get Erin to go out with me, just anywhere, for a meal, to the cinema, just to the store, but each time I tried I got no response. She just up and left to another room.

I hated knowing she was feeling like this, but how did I stop her? How did I make her better? i didn't understand. I didn't know what to do.

I sighed to myself as Jasey began to cry once again. I made my way to the nursery and picked her up out of her crib. Her eyes were puffy and red, and her short outbursts of cries were the only way she knew to communicate her sadness, how much she missed her mother.

I tried feeding her a bottle, she wasn't hungry. I tried changing her, she didn't need changing. I tried burping her, she didn't need burping. I tried rocking her, singing to her, cradling her, cooing to her, she didn't want comfort. At least, she didn't want it from me.

"Mommy!" she screamed in a cracked voice, clinging to me because I was the closest thing she had right now.

Her instinct for love from her mother made me want to cry myself. It wasn't fair. The one and a half year old shouldn't be feeling this. She shouldn't have to go through this. Not my baby. Not my little girl. I was supposed to look after her, look after them both, but I couldn't. I cuddled my daughter closer and tried to stop the tears from escaping my own eyes. I had to be strong for her.

"I know baby, I know. I know you miss your mommy. Believe me, so do I."

"Mommy!" she screamed again.

I wasn't enough. My words were meaningless. It wasn't like when I went away for tour for Jasey, because she understood that I still spoke to her, even if it was on the phone or through skype. But Erin hadn't held her once since that day. Hadn't talked to her. Hadn't so much as looked at her. And it well and truly broke my heart.

I carried Jasey down the stairs, my blood suddenly boiling, filled with a fury I despised. Erin was in the kitchen, staring at the open fridge as if she were a statue. not moving. I gripped a crying Jasey tight and walked straight up to Erin, and just stood in front of her.

Her eyes never moved, never connected with mine.

"Your daughter is crying, Erin. She needs you." No response. Then again, my tone wasn't exactly gentle. "I said your fucking daughter is crying! You need to hold her!"

Erin still didn't look. Jasey's cries had died down. She reached out from my arms and held her arms out for Erin to hold her. "Mommy!" she squealed.

Erin carried on looking at the fridge.

I was just mad. Every bone in my body was shaking, every nerve alive, my body unable to contain it's inner emotion I had so cleverly hidden.

"Your daughter needs you! Fucking look at her!" I screamed.

Finally, Erin looked at Jasey, who was immediately silent, and retreated back into my arms. Maybe she had seen that her mother wasn't really there anymore. Because then Erin looked at me.

For the first time in three weeks, Erin was looking at me. And I didn't recognise her. I didn't recognise my wife. The woman I was in love with...she was somewhere else. Some far distant place that I couldn't reach as much as I wanted to. I couldn't save her, because she had to save herself this time.

"There's nothing to eat," she told me robotically, because that was what she was now. A robot. A shell. Getting through the motions of each day. Apart from one area. Erin walked away from me, and I stood there, staring at the fridge, as she had done.

I almost broke down staring at that fridge. It was full. We had everything in there, all her favourite foods. And why did we have all this food? Because she wasn't eating. Erin refused to eat. She never ate. She was starving herself, and my babies in the process.

I took deep breaths as I tried to stop myself from crying, trying to be strong for the tiny being in my arms who didn't understand why her mommy was rejecting her, because she only had me now.

"I'm so sorry, Jasey Rae, but I promise you I'll get her back. I'll get your mommy back. Somehow. I promise you," I told Jasey, and kissed her forehead. Then I carried her up to the nursery, lay her down and played my guitar and sang to her until she fell asleep, eyes still red rimmed. I had a feeling my baby girl wouldn't be having many good dreams tonight.

Then I sighed and forced myself to leave the tranquility of my child's room. and went to the guest room, which had become Erin's recluse.

She was laying on the bed, chest rising and falling rhythmically, eyes closed, slightly snoring. The sight before me managed to break my heart again.

She was curled onto her side, hugging one of my hoodies to her, eyes looking as saw and puffy as Jasey's did, if not more so. She never cried anymore. At least, not in front of me. But now I found out she was doing it alone. She couldn't come to me. She had no way of expressing her emotion I guess. I had, but she didn't. And I didn't know how to help her. She looked so much smaller than she had. So much weaker, more fragile. The dogs were curled up with her too, and when they saw me approach her, they growled a little, maybe in protection for Erin. I walked more cautiously and when Peyton and Baz finally recognised that I wasn't looking to harm Erin, the stood down and jumped off the bed, their paws softly pattering out the room, but I had a feeling they weren't going far.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, right next to a sleeping Erin, and stroked her hair, caressing her face, planting a kiss on her forehead, and let a few tears fall. "Please, come back to us. Come back to me. I need you," I whispered to her as she slept. And a tear fell down her face, even though she was still asleep. I recognised the faint sound of music escaping the isolation of her earphones as Stay Awake.

Taking one last look at her, I left her side regretfully, and called the one person who I could take advice from. Someone Erin needed, but couldn't have. Not again.

I called my mother.