You Got Me Poppin Champagne

ALEX'S POV

When the doorbell finally rang, I felt so much more at ease. I don't think I'd ever needed my mom so much before in my life.

I jumped up off the couch and sprinted to the door, allowing my mother to smother me in a hug the minute she was through the door. And I cried. I cried like i'd never cried before, sobbing, soaking her shirt with my tears. She smelt so comforting, like a mother should. She smelt like baking and perfume and warmth, she smelt like home. Like my childhood. I never realised how much I missed it before, because I never realised how much I needed her before.

"Oh sweetie, it'll be okay. It'll all be okay," she told me softly as she stroked my hair, as if I was a little boy again.

"I can't help her mom, I can't help her. I can't be enough for her. I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to get her back to me."

My mother pulled away from me and inspected me, a frown appearing on her face. She pushed me into the living area and sat me down on the couch, sitting across from me. The dogs were still with Erin. I felt bad leaving Jasey to sleep, because I didn't want her to be alone when she didn't have to be, but I didn't want her seeing me cry either. I didn't want to break what little of her spirit was left. Because as far as I could remember I had never seen my father cry, he was always the strong one, the one you could rely on, the only one that made any sense when everything was crashing down, even though he must have been the most broken of us.

"You haven't been getting enough sleep," she stated.

I glanced at her then fixed my gaze on the floor. "I can't. I need to be here for Erin. I get worried, I have to watch out for her. And then Jasey...she's always crying. She doesn't stop. the irony is, I know exactly what she wants, what she needs, but I can't help. I'm not enough. Jasey needs Erin, but Erin won't look at her. She won't look at her own daughter. She doesn't talk to her or hold her or anything. It's like she's not her mother, like she's not here anymore. I don't get it. I don't know what I can do to help her."

"Maybe you need a break, just go to LA, spend some time with Zack, this isn't good for you."

I shook my head. "No. No, mom, no. I'm not leaving them here. I'm not leaving Erin to wallow and I'm not leaving Jasey alone. If I left, Jasey wouldn't be looked after. She wouldn't even get fed. She would just cry. I know she would. Because Erin isn't doing anything. I don't get it. Why isn't she reacting when Jasey cries? She used to be so worried, but it's like she just snapped. Something in her died. And now she just....she refuses to be a part of our lives. I don't see my wife when I look at her, I see a stranger, It's killing me, mom. I don't know how to help her, I don't know how to get her back. I don't know what to do. Help me," I begged of my mother. She looked at me with all the love and care in her eyes that Erin used to hold when she looked at Jasey Rae.

"Oh sweetie, Erin can't look after Jasey if she can't look after herself. Maybe she's actually trying to protect Jasey, by distancing herself, she breaks any connection with her daughter. She breaks the connection before it's too late, before Jasey can remember she ever had a mother who loved her. She's trying to protect Jasey from going through what she's going through."

"But it doesn't make sense!"

This time my mother shook her head at me. "It makes perfect sense. She always knew her mother cared about her and loved her in some way, and then when she gets her mother back and is reminded of how much her mom loved her, she loses her. Erin is trying to stop Jasey from losing her mother before Jasey can remember she ever had one. She's trying to protect her from the pain she's going through right now."

I bit my lip. Because it did make sense. I didn't want to admit it, but it made sense. "But she's gonna end up losing the twins. She won't eat. I can't make her eat. I can't make her eat, oh god, mom, she's not eating. She'll kill herself and the twins. Oh god, mom, what do I do?"

My mother pulled me close as a fresh batch of tears tore me apart. "All you can do is be there for her, give her time."

"I don't know how much time she'll have left if she keeps going on like this."

"Have you told her any of this, Alex? Maybe she needs to hear how you feel."

I shook my head. "No, mom. I can't let her see me like this. Or Jasey. If either of them see me broken, then what shot do I have at helping them get better? I need to be strong for them. I need to hold it together for them."

"Alex, sometimes being strong is having the courage to break down. You need to tell her what it's doing to you. She needs to know that you care."

"She should already know that!" I said in exasperation.

"Really? Because as I recall, you didn't. You didn't know we cared. You forgot. And now Erin forgot. You remember what it was like for you, but you still had us, in the end. Imagine how much harder it must be for her, when she doesn't have a mother she can cry to. Part of the problem could be that she's jealous, she thinks you don't know how it feels. She forgot that you know. She forgot that you care, that you need her."

"So how do I make her remember?"

My mother looked at me with a sad smile. "I don't know. But I do know you've always broken through to her. Before you knew each other. You were always there for her, and she knew that. It was your music that always got through to her before, right?"

I nodded, a faint spark of hope buried in my heart somewhere appeared. "A song. How did I not think of that? Why was I so stupid! That should have been the first thing I tried!"

"You just got so desperate you needed someone to remind you, that's all. You were focusing so much on trying to be there for her in person you forgot just how much your words mean to her," she said with a smile.

I managed to smile back, a small one, but it was the first time in three weeks I had smiled. "She still listens to our music. I heard it before you came. She's asleep and Stay Awake was playing on her iPod. I just hope this works. I need her back."

"Well, what you need to remember is when you were grieving for your brother, you had a way to express yourself, you had something to pour everything into. Erin doesn't have that. So she needs something that says it all for her. She needs her feelings put into something she can understand, something that means something to her. Just remind her. You have talked to her about your brother, haven't you?"

Another sad smile formed on my lips. "No. No, we never spoke about it. I just didn't want to ruin everything by talking about that."

Mom placed a hand on my knee and squeezed it, the sad smile mirrored on her face. "I know it's hard, but given what she's going through, I think now's the time to talk."

I nodded, because as much as I hated to admit it, she was right. I'd kept quiet about it to her for far too long. And she needed to hear that I knew a little of what she was going through. "I know. But you know what the worst part of it is? Her mother knew this was how it would end. How could she do that to Erin? How could she just leave her like that? She was happier, she'd left her husband! she had her whole future with Erin to look forward to! Why would she warn Erin and apologise, knowing how it would affect her, and still go through with it!"

My mother bit her lip, and a sick feeling in my gut told me that she knew something.

"What is it?" I asked cautiously.

She lifted her head and locked eyes with mine. "Alex...it was in the papers today. The british police were looking for Erin's mother. They were coming after her. She hadn't left Erin's father, she killed him. They were saying it was self defense, they were going to let her off, but they needed to find her so she could go through the courts. They wanted her to make a statement. Obviously now they have found her and...well maybe Erin's mother didn't realise she was going to be okay. Or maybe she just felt guilty and couldn't live with the fact that she had killed someone, even in self defense."

I stared at my mother as the shock settled in. "Fuck! She told Erin too! That was what Erin's mom had told me she needed to tell Erin, but wouldn't tell me. Oh god, Erin knew, Erin must have thought when her mom told her she was leaving it was the police coming to put her mom in jail. Oh god, she was going to be free. Why did she still do it? If there was even a chance she wouldn't go to jail, why would she still kill herself?"

My mom looked at me, a certain amount of understanding in her eyes. "I already said, maybe she couldn't live with the guilt. She'd rather die than live as a murderer."

"But if it was self defense-"

"It doesn't matter. To some people, it doesn't matter. She was a better person than we all thought, and Erin knows that. Maybe that's something else that's eating her alive. She never realised her mother could feel like that."

I sighed as I put my head in my hands. "Why does everything have to be so complicated?"

"Because if everything was easy we wouldn't appreciate the good things in life."

I laughed softly. "Why are you always right?"

"Because I'm your mother." I looked up at smiled at the woman who had raised me, who had helped me through my darkest days without even knowing it.

"Yeah, you're right," I said, managing a smile.

Mom smiled back at me and messed about with some of the more tyrannical strands of hair, trying to sort it into a mom approved neatness. "I know. Everything will be okay, Alex. I promise. It'll take time, but it'll be okay. Erin will be okay. Your family will be okay."

With that I thanked my mother, for everything. The present, the past, and the promise of a future. I hugged her before I left, and even when she closed the door behind her, the hope that had entered the house with her never left. I could still feel it. And i knew I could make this better. I just hoped I hadn't left it too late.