You Got Me Poppin Champagne

ERIN’S POV

Quiet.

Peace.

Stillness.

There’s no panic.

No pain.

No need to hurry from one thought to the next.

No responsibility.

Nothing to prove.

It’s just...you.

On your own. Just being.

Existing.

And it’s beautiful.

ALEX’S POV

‘Is she gonna wake up soon? I don’t wanna wait anymore.’

I looked to Jasey, sat on the end of Erin’s bed as I stood by the window, my back facing Erin and Jasey. ‘I hope so, I really do hope so.’

A mild coma they had said, in the beginning. No more than a couple of days. When a couple of days passed, we were informed we only had to wait a couple of weeks.

It had been months.

Jasey was getting worried that Erin wouldn't be awake for her second birthday. She only had a little while to go, a little under a month. Everything had been put on hold. Nobody had complained yet, but they were starting to get tense about it, I could tell. A band can’t exactly function properly when one member refuses to go to any signings, shows, meetings, tours et cetera. But I just couldn't handle it.
We’d been given the shit card so many times. Everything was a mess. In some ways, I wish I’d never met Erin. Then none of this would have happened. I wouldn't be causing so many people pain, I wouldn't be holding my own career back, I wouldn't be seen as a disappointment.

But then I wouldn't be a father. I wouldn't know what it’s like to be loved, truly loved. I sighed and turned away from the window, to face Jasey and Erin.

‘Come on sweetie,’ I said. ‘Time to go home.’

ERIN’S POV

This was all I could ever ask for. This feeling of floating.

The feeling of not being needed.

It was all so...refreshing.

Like I had just dived into a crystal clear waterfall in the middle of nowhere, breaking through the surface and taking that very first breath. Your body is clean. No imperfections. Your mind can only think of how brilliant your skin feels as the water laps over it. It’s all for you.

I didn’t know how long it would last, I just knew I wanted it to last forever. But that’s not right, is it?

Because the only reason you want something to last forever is because you know it won’t. When you’re truly happy, you never worry, you never want for anything, you don’t sit there thinking, I hope this lasts forever, because you already know it will. You don’t need to assure yourself, you don’t need a back up plan. When you have to wish for something to last, that’s when you know it’s going to end. That’s when you know you have to let go and stop making out like all of this is right. That this is how it’s supposed to be.

I was wrong. I’m always wrong. Just for a little longer, let me be right. Let me be okay. Let me breathe. Just a few more blissful moments.

Before it ends.

ALEX’S POV

‘Jasey, please, you have to go with grandma. Please.’ I was way too tired for this, I didn't have the energy to try and persuade Jasey to get in the car. But I didn’t want her here. Not anymore. She’d been cooped up in this hospital longer than any child should be. She’d been waiting for far too long.

My mom put a hand on my arm and gave me a sideways smile. A mother’s smile. She was in control and she was going to show me that no matter what I wanted. I rolled my eyes, knowing I needed the help but not wanting to admit it. ‘Honey, if you let me put you in, and you sit still and be a good girl, I’ll make you cookies. Those white chocolate and raspberry ones you like so much.’

Jasey clung even tighter to my neck, constricting my airways, forcing me to almost choke. ‘You said that last time! And then grandpa ate them all!’

‘Well this time I’ll make sure he doesn’t. If you want, I’ll make a special secret batch just for me and you. Grandpa never has to know.’

Jasey eased her grip, thank god, and seemed to be thinking about it. ‘You promise?’

‘Cross my heart and hope to die,’ my mother said, performing the accompanying actions.

‘Alright, but I want extra chocolate!’

Mom smiled. ‘But of course dear, you’re a growing young lady, you need it.’

Finally, Jasey let us get her strapped in the car.

‘I love you baby, don’t give grandma too much of a hard time this time, okay?’ I asked her as I kissed her forehead goodbye.

Jasey nodded. ‘I didn’t mean too. I’m sorry.’

I smiled weakly and ruffled her soft hair, kissing it once again. ‘I know Jasey, it’s okay. I know you just miss your mom. Believe me, I do too.’

I stepped back out of the car and closed the door, before turning to my mother before she got in the car.

‘Thanks, for doing all this.’

My mom stroked my cheek and pulled me in for a hug. ‘You don’t need to thank me, I’m your mother. Jasey’s grandmother. We’re a family, and this is what families do when things get hard. We look after each other. And besides, I don’t have anything better to do.’ Mom released me and held my shoulders, looking at me. ‘Just don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I can see how stressed you already are. You need to take a break sometimes. Leave the hospital, see your friends, go out for a drink, watch some football, take a walk, play your guitar. How long has it been since you played?’

I looked down at my feet, ashamed. ‘I can’t even remember.’

‘Then maybe it’s time to start again.’

‘I don’t wanna leave her on her own.’

My mom sighed and I briefly looked up. ‘Honey, Noah will barely recognise you. He’ll be talking soon.

What happens when he calls someone else daddy because you aren’t there? Erin wouldn’t want that and you know it. You need to come home.’

‘She is my home.’

‘So are your children. Alex, please, listen to me.’

‘I am,’ I told her. ‘I just can’t do what you’re asking. I can’t pretend to be strong enough. I’m too selfish for that.’

Mom cocked her head at me and half smiled. ‘At times like this, we all are. Don’t stay up too late, okay?’

I rolled my eyes. ‘I’m not five anymore, mom.’

‘I know, but when Erin wakes up, you want to be all refreshed, don’t you?’

‘If she waked up,’ I whispered.

Mom squeezed my arm. ‘She will, I promise.’ Then she went to the car boot and took something out.
A guitar. My guitar. Acoustic. ‘Here, I brought it along because...well I thought it might give you something to do.’

I smiled weakly and took the instrument. ‘Thanks mom. I love you.’

‘I love you too sweetie. I’ll see you tomorrow,’ she said, before giving me one last hug and stepping into the car.

I waved her off as she reversed out of the parking space and then out of the hospital parking lot. Then, when she was gone, I sighed, looked at my guitar, and walked back towards that dreary room.

I was so close to giving up.

ERIN’S POV

There are times in your life when you tell yourself you can change. You will change. Tomorrow. You’ll be better tomorrow. Today you’ll finish the way you started, but tomorrow will be different. You’ll go on that diet, you’ll do the laundry, you’ll start budgeting your money, you’ll quit smoking, you’ll study more, you’ll call them, you’ll put the bottle down, you’ll go shopping for things you actually need, you’ll be someone else, the someone you always wanted to be. Tomorrow. But it’s always tomorrow. It’s never today.

Tomorrow, I’ll give up.

I’ll let these moments go.

I’ll tell myself that tomorrow, I’ll have the strength to face up to reality.

Because this is wrong.

I shouldn’t be here.

There has to be something.

This doesn’t make sense.

Surely life isn’t just...this. It isn’t just...floating. No. Where’s the chaos? Where’s the passion? Where’s the sound?

It can’t just be nothing.

But this nothing is so peaceful.

I don’t want it to end, so tomorrow...tomorrow I’ll find my way out of this bliss.

Tomorrow.

Because today? Today I need to be able to breathe.

ALEX’S POV

My fingers traced the fret board and I let my right hand fall freely down the strings, creating a musical note almost unfamiliar to my ears.

There was only one song I wanted to play.

One song I needed to play.

I smiled to myself as I thought of it.

I leaned over Erin’s limp body and kissed her forehead.

‘This one goes out to my wife,’ I whispered, and sat at the edge of her bed playing Poppin Champagne.

ERIN’S POV

Blissful silence.

Soaking in the sun and basking in the gentle warmth that spreads through your toes.

Something...a voice...breaks through.

And then the illusion is shattered.

A dull pain explored my body, and at the same time I felt it sting.

I was...feeling.

My heart, oh god, my heart, my chest, my throat, oh god, what was this?

No.

I’m not ready.

Not yet.

Don’t take me yet.

Oh god.

Let me stay.

Please.