You Got Me Poppin Champagne

ALEX'S POV

I made the bed for Erin while she stood in the doorway watching. I pretended not to feel her gaze burning on my back.

Jack had left a while ago, taking Jasey, telling Erin she needed the rest and could do without a kid to worry about. Of course, the real reason was that he wanted me to talk to her. About everything that mattered.

'Alex...' At the faint mention of my name I spun around, quick on my heels. Man I was jumpy.

I worked to regain my smile and the wall that protected her from the truth. 'Uh yeah? What's up?'

'Uhm...I was just wondering...well...uh, where do I sleep? Normally?'

I gulped and snatched my neck. 'Uh...well you sleep uhm...I mean...'

'I don't live here, do I?'

'What?' I managed to choke out.

She smiled shyly, and kind of awkwardly. 'Well it's the only explanation, right? We live separately. But that doesn't explain the cribs. Are you...uh are you expecting more children? Do you live with someone?'

My eyes widened in shock and I so badly wanted to take her in my arms and give her all the comfort in the world, put her mind at ease, make it all okay again. But I couldn't. That ship had most definitely sailed. 'What? No! No, no, no - I don't. You, uh, you live here. Uhm...that room is for, uh, mom and dads foster kids...' Yeah, okay Alex, we can go with this, we can make this work. Just make it sound good, if it's the last thing you do. You twat.

Erin moved her head to the side and raised an eyebrow. 'Foster kids? Your parents foster now? And we have a nursery for them why?'

I let out a little weak, nervous laugh. 'Yeah they do, midlife crisis and all.

Erin continued to look at me doubtfully. 'And the reason why we have a nursery is...?'

Another nervous laugh. 'Uh, because, uh, aha, uhm well, you see, uhm, mom and dad thought it would be good for them to be around us...seen a they're like kinda family, they thought it might be fun for us to look after them a little.' Yeah. Okay. That sounded good. Yeah.

Erin seemed to think it over then nodded and shrugged. 'Okay. But if I live here and you live here...well that doesn't explain where we both sleep...unless you put me in the basement or the attic or something.'

I shook my head. 'No...you sleep here...'

'...with you...?' Her voice sounded unsure, a little scared. And hopeful? I don't know. That was probably my imagination running wild. Why would she even think of loving me? The first time was a fluke.

I nodded slowly. Careful not to unsettle her.

She bit her lip. 'Why?'

I smiled small before answering. 'We're really, really good friends.'

She broke out in a grin. 'Well I already knew that doofus.' She threw a cushion at me from behind her back and I dodged, laughing. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all.

ERIN'S POV

I couldn't sleep. It was no use even trying. I just couldn't get my head round it. Friends don't share beds. Not permanently. And Alex's story about his parents fostering...well okay it wasn't impossible but...I don't know. Something just seemed off.

I sighed and rolled over to my left, so I was facing Alex's back. 'Alex,' I whispered. 'Are you awake?' Nothing. I shoved him a little. Still nothing. He was out like a light. 'Dammit.' Great. Alone with my own thoughts. Just what I needed.

Annoyed with my own restlessness I threw back the covers and left the room, not closing the door for fear of waking Alex.

Don't get me wrong, I loved sleeping next to him, but...I don't know. I guess I felt uncomfortable, because I knew he was keeping something from me. I just had this feeling. It was like something deep inside of me was trying to tell me some secret, urging me to listen and delve into my long gone memories.

I groaned and tip toed down the stairs.

I flicked through a few channels on the tv, but there was nothing worth watching at this hour. I really didn't feel like doing laundry. And I didn't want to cook...who cooks at like three in the morning for no reason? Then, as I gazed around the room, I spotted the door to the basement and smiled. Alex's practice room. Yeah, that's what I needed, to be surrounded by music, his greatest love...my greatest love.

I opened the door, flipped the switch on and took in the view of guitars on stands, a drum set, leather couches, albums on walls and headed down the stairs. Yeah, this felt like home.

I smiled down at the green electric guitar propped up against one of the couches, probably the last one Alex had played, supported by the recording equipment on the coffee table left in disarray. He'd probably been working again. He works so hard for his fans...was it any wonder I fell in love with the guy?

'Hey Kermit, let's put you back where you belong eh?' I said to the guitar.

I picked it up and carried it to the corner of the room designated for such guitars. After I'd settled the guitar in it's home I stepped back and noticed a box in the very, very corner.

A box labelled "Erin."

What? Why would a box have my name on it? And why would it be way down here? Hidden?

Unsure of what to do, I sat cross legged in front of the damn thing debating and arguing with myself as to what to do about it for about an hour. Then I decided if it had my name on it, I had a right to look. Besides, it could have something that would help my memory. But why would Alex hide anything from me?

With shaking hands I opened the top flaps, and gasped.

A wedding dress.

I stroked the fabric lightly. My dream wedding dress. I couldn't help taking it out and admiring it in all it's glory. Did this belong to me? Did I have a husband? Of course, that was answered by the next item I found. A picture. Of me and Alex. Who was in a tux. And I was in a wedding dress.

'My god,' I whispered. And when I found a ring I almost felt like crying. Why was he keeping this from me? Was he trying to find a way to tell me? Did he not want me to be married to him anymore? Did he realise he wanted to be single?

Or...did he decide he couldn't bear to live with someone so depressed they would take their own life.

Hot tears of anguish trailed down my cheeks as I stared at the official medical report. Post natal depression. OD. But...post natal depression? I'd already had Jasey...I was fine.

Except...I had another kid. I had two. And one died. No...I miscarried. Twins. 'Oh god.' The cribs. The nursery. They were for the twins. But...only one died...where was the other?

I began to panic. Crying. It was a mix of joy that I was married to Alex, sorrow that he obviously didn't want to be married to me, grievance for my list child and desperation. Wondering how I could be so weak. How I could let Alex down. How I could consider for even one moment the idea of taking my own life. I couldn't stop crying. My world seemed so...pointless...and my cries turned ugly, throat catching in places, hitching and gulping and resisting the urge to throw up.

'Oh my god.' Except that wasn't my outburst. That was Alex's.

And as I turned around with sore red eyes, full of questions and salty moisture, I saw myself reflected in his eyes. A broken pile of mess. And staring his face, seeing the man I knew I loved, so heartbroken, it just made me want to cry even more.

'Oh my god, Erin-'

'Why? Why didn't you tell me?'