Learning to Fall

As I drove across town, a million different thoughts were flying through my head.

With each time my cell phone vibrated in my pocket, I'd cringe, remembering the harsh way Gerard's wife spoke of me, spoke of my daughter.

With each time Sophia begged tearfully for me to take her back to the party, it took everything I had not to turn the car around and go back to Gerard's house...

Back to Gerard.

But then I'd remember his words... Gerard's words. They were too much for me to handle; I hurried outside and grabbed my little girl, which leads us to this exact moment as I'm driving across town, my heart literally hurting as those words kept repeating over and over in my head.

Gerard was the first real friend that I've had in God knows how long, and I made the awful mistake of getting too close to him. I knew he was too good to be true. How could I have been so stupid?

All of the feelings that I've felt over the past few weeks were slowly accumulating in my brain. All of the good times, like the first day we met at his amazing store and he gave me that DVD for free. The great times, like the night when we had our little sleepover and we got drunk and passed out together. And even the scary times, when Logan got attacked by that duck at the park.

I felt this overwhelming surge of emotions swirling together in the pit of my stomach, and I cannot for the life of me pinpoint what it is. Every time I pictured Gerard smiling, or Logan giggling, or Sophia or Ella playing, I felt it growing even stronger. But in a heartbeat, all of it was drowned out, and the only thing I could hear were those horrible words spoken by Gerard's wife, spoken about my sweet little daughter and me.

And to make matters worse, my leg was tingling due to the constant vibrating of my cell phone. I pulled the small device out of my pocket and flipped it open, noticing that I had two missed calls from Gerard.

That feeling came back twice as hard as I stared at my phone, debating in my head whether to call him back or not.

Just as I was about to press the 'send' button to call him back, I nearly jumped as I felt it begin to vibrate once more, this time in the form of a voicemail.

''Frank, it's me! I was just wondering where you had gone, Mikey said you had just left the party suddenly so I really hope nothings wrong? Ah, give me a call as soon as you get this.''

I shut my phone and threw it aside.

Did Gerard really have to wonder why I had decided to take my daughter and leave when we clearly were not welcome there? That's when it hit me, he probably had no idea that I had overheard the words that were supposed to be told in secret, about me, not to me.

Of course, this was all my fault for overhearing their private conversation.

''Daddy, can we please go back now?''

I looked over at Sophia, her little eyes pleading up at me, begging me to take her back to play with her friend. I instantly felt horrible for just plucking her away without any sort of explanation, she really had no clue what was going on.

''I'm sorry honey, but daddy has to take care of something real quick. I'm bringing you to your grandma's, I promise you'll have fun there.''

''But I don't wanna go to gramma's! I wanna go back to Ella's!'' she wailed, crossing her arms defensively across her chest as she peered out the window.

In the midst of her temper tantrum, I heard my phone began to vibrate where I had discarded it in the center console. I grabbed it, and saw that it was Gerard calling again. Rubbing my eyes, I decided he wasn't going to give up until he spoke to me, so I figured I may as well answer it.

''Hello?''

''Frank!'' I heard him exclaim, the excitement in his voice was enough to actually make me smile. ''Where are you? What's going on? Why did you leave?!''

Hearing the desperation in his voice, it took everything I had not to turn this car around and go back, but I simply couldn't. Not now, not after the terrible things I overheard him say about me.

I took a deep breath, and whispered, ''Don't call me anymore, Gerard.''

I hung up quickly, before he could say anything else. I even went so far as to switch my phone off, just to make sure he got the hint that I didn't want to talk to him anymore. That couldn't be further from the truth; however, I can't let him know this.

I felt something tug at my hand, and looked over to see Sophia looking up at me through wide eyes. ''Don't you want to go back and play with Gee, daddy? He can make you feel better.''

Her words made me smile. She was absolutely right. It's amazing how even my four-year-old could see how much Gerard's friendship means to me.

''I'd love to, baby,'' I said to my little girl, giving her a smile. ''I promise, I'll take you back to play with Ella very soon. Right now you have to go to your gramma's, okay?''

She bit her lip, and finally nodded. ''Okay, daddy.''

''Good girl,'' I whispered, kissing her hand before returning my attention to the drive across town to my mother's house.

---

''Frankie! What a pleasant surprise!''

My mother looked rather surprised to see us standing in her doorway, it was a rather rare occasion for us to stop by for a visit. Once she finished hugging Sophia, she turned her attention to me.

''You look all spiffed up, Frankie! How did the party go?'' She asked, wrapping her arms around me.

From the look on my face that clearly said 'don't ask', she instantly nodded. ''Sophia, honey! I just finished baking some cookies, they're on a plate on the kitchen table. Why don't you go settle in and help yourself?''

''Okay!'' She grinned, taking off inside. Once she was gone, my mother turned her attention to me, and gave me a stern look. ''Okay Frankie, spill.''

''It's nothing mom, I just need you to look after her for a little while, okay?''

I gave her a pleading look, and she nodded in response. ''Thanks ma, I'll be back in a little while.'' I gave her a kiss on her cheek, and handed her Sophia's bag.

''Wait, won't you at least tell me where you're going?''

''I have to go meet someone,'' I informed her, my cheeks blushing. She instantly smiled, and without another word I headed down the driveway and got in my car.

I switched my phone back on, and suddenly felt it vibrate. The little voicemail thing popped up, and my heart instantly began to beat a little faster, hoping it was from Gerard.

''You have five new voice messages,'' my phone informed me, which surprised the hell out of me. ''Wow,'' I spoke out loud to nobody in particular, as Gerard's voice came filtering in through the speakers.

''Hey Frankie, please call me back, okay?''

I immediately began to feel terrible; Gerard's voice sounded so weak and troubled. I took a deep breath and prepared for the next one, backing down the driveway and heading off in the direction I had just come from.

''Frankie, it's me again. Look, I'm not entirely sure what's going on, but I feel really badly that you left so suddenly, without even saying goodbye. I think I might have an idea as to why you left... in which case... I really need to see you, it's not what it seems, I promise. Please Frankie, I need- end of message.''

I glanced at my phone I confusion, then realized his message must have gotten cut off because he had taken up all the time he could for that one particular message.

''Fuck, sorry I got cut off on that last message,'' came his voice through the speakers, which made me smile. ''But anyway, please Frankie, you need to know how sorry I am, and how badly I need to speak to you. I um... I'm leaving my house right now, and I'm headed towards the park okay? Call me back.''

The park. It was in the opposite direction from Gerard's house, so I hurriedly turned my car around, pissing off everyone around me but I didn't care.

''You haven't called me back, so I don't even know if you're getting these messages or not,'' came his next message, and again, I felt like the worst person in the world. ''But I'm almost there, and I'll be waiting for you where we spent that day with the kids by the pond, okay? I hope I see you soon, Frankie.''

''You will, Gee,'' I whispered, my foot hitting the gas pedal a little harder than I should, my mind only on one thing: trying to get to my friend as quickly as possible.

''Fifth message,'' came the automated voice, and again, I took a deep breath in anticipation of what Gerard had to say.

''Frankie, I...''

After a few seconds, the line went dead. I shut my phone and tossed it aside, my foot hitting the gas pedal even harder than before. I needed to get to Gerard, and fast.

----

Once I parked my car, I immediately ran across the street to the duck pond where Gerard said he would be waiting for me. My eyes fell upon a figure sitting on a bench, and I instantly froze.

What was I going to say to him? Was our friendship ever going to be the same again?

I stuck my hands in my pockets as I advanced toward him, at a much slower pace this time. He was seated on the bench, staring blankly at the lit cigarette he held in his hand.

''Hi.''

Gerard looked up at me with a surprised look on his face, and immediately sprang up from the bench. ''Frank! Oh my goodness, I didn't think you were coming!''

He looked hesitant as he inched closer to me, almost as if he were asking for permission to come a little bit closer. ''I'm so happy you came, Frankie,'' he spoke softly, giving me a weak smile.

''I dropped Sophia off at my mom's and came right over,'' I informed him, my eyes landing on the discarded cigarette he had tossed on the ground in front of us.

''Frankie,'' he began, fumbling around with his fingers. His voice was so quiet, I almost didn't hear him. ''Why did you leave?''

''Why do you think I left, Gee?''

I immediately shrank away from him. All of the hurt I felt from the second I grabbed Sophia and left his house came pouring back, and I was instantly mad at him again.

''Well, its just a silly misunderstanding, I promise! And if you still hate me at the end of my explanation, well then you can punch me,'' Gerard rambled, which actually made me grin a little at the 'punch me' thing.

''Please Frankie, just hear me out okay?'' He pleaded, grabbing a hold my hand. That one simple touch made me tingle, and I couldn't help but smile.

He pulled me back towards the bench, and we both sat down and stared at each other rather awkwardly, a million words on the tips of both of our tongues. He bit his lip, and clung even tighter to my hand.

''You're my best friend,'' he began, smiling at me. ''I don't know what you heard of our fight and I am so sorry you had to hear all that-''

''You didn't really mean those things you said earlier, did you?''

His eyes widened. ''Of course I did! I meant every word!''

My face fell as I tore my hand away from his. ''What the fuck, Gerard?!''

I got up from my spot next to him and began walking away from him as fast as I possibly could.

''Frankie!'' He called after me, wrapping his arms around me from behind. ''I'm so confused as to what I did that was so wrong, please don't walk away.''

''Give me one good reason why I should stay,'' I whispered, turning my head so I could look him in his eyes.

''For me,'' he replied, leaning his forehead against my cheek. ''Because if you walk away from here, without listening to what I have to say, then I am guessing I won't have a best friend tomorrow, and I don't want to lose you, Frank.''

His words were so sincere, I immediately felt myself begin to calm down. I wrapped my arms around his, and couldn't stop myself from grinning at him. He always had this way of making me smile.

''I don't want to lose you either, Gee,'' I said finally, which made his eyes light up. ''I'll listen to whatever it is you have to say.''

''Thank you,'' he said excitedly, kissing my cheek over and over as he drug me back toward the bench.

The atmosphere had changed dramatically since the first time we attempted this conversation. It wasn't awkward in the slightest, instead it was filled with shy grins as he once again grabbed a hold of my hand.

''So Frankie," he began, a sympathetic look gracing his features. "I am really sorry that you had to hear that fight between Miranda and I."

I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, and nodded. ''I am, too.''

''She is really not a nice person, and I know you must have been deeply offended by what she was saying, but please don't listen to a word she says,'' Gerard continued, rolling his eyes. ''She really is just full of shit half the time.''

''Yeah... I can imagine,'' I agreed, giving a weak smile. "It wasn't her words that upset me though, Gee."

"It's not?''

I shook my head. ''To be honest, I expected those things to come from Miranda. I just never expected you to think the same way.''

Gerard frowned. ''Huh? Think the same way?''

''Yes, Gee! I overheard you agreeing with her!''

''Agreeing with her?!'' Gerard choked out, the confusion obviously setting in as he tried to reason with me. ''I never agreed with her! Are you sure you were listening to our conversation?''

I blinked back to this afternoon, and tried my hardest to remember everything I had heard.

''Yes, being a UPS man does make you a terrible person, how dare I even think of inviting him to this party.''

I cringed as the words came back to me, but with one look at Gerard, I don't see how the man sitting beside me could have meant those things.

''He is obviously bad news because he has a lip ring, wears band tee's and has holes in his pants. How dare I defy you darling by bringing such trash around.''

''Wait a second...''

I buried my head in my hands as laughter erupted from my throat, realization hitting me like a brick to the head. I feel like such an idiot, it all makes sense now!

"Oh, I am so frickin' stupid!"

"Frank...?" Gerard asked, placing a concerned hand on my back, as I continued to laugh like the idiot that I am.

"Gee, I heard you say how I was trashy, and obviously a bad person because of the way that I dress," I informed him, my head still buried in my hands. Peeking at him through the cracks in my fingers, I added, "Were you by any chance being sarcastic?''

"Aw Frank," he replied, laughing as he continued to rub my back. "I would never talk badly about you man, and you know that.''

''I know,'' I admitted, emerging from my sanctuary, in complete disbelief that I had overreacted over nothing. "I'm so sorry that I didn't realize it sooner. I acted like such a dick, I just didn't know what to do, you know?''

He nodded.

''I probably would have done the same thing,'' Gerard admitted, snuggling himself against my shoulder. "I mean, I can be pretty dense sometimes, too."

"Ha ha," I fake laughed, before grinning at him. "I'm so sorry I made you leave the party to come after me, I feel like such an idiot."

"Are you kidding me? That's not your fault at all. You were obviously upset over something that happened at the party, I had to make things right," he said, sincerity dripping from each word. "I really am sorry that I hurt your feelings, even if it was unintentional. I can't imagine how you must have felt.''

"I won't lie, I did feel pretty down about it, but it's no big deal," I admitted, shrugging my shoulders. ''How did the rest of the conversation go? I think I may have missed the best part.''

Gerard practically choked on his laughter. ''I basically yelled at her for being so shallow and stupid,'' he replied, rolling his eyes.

''I'm so sorry I missed that,'' I grinned, putting my arm around his shoulder.

''You should be!''

At that moment, all laughter stopped as he looked up at me, his eyes instantly locking with mine as the conversation turned serious.

''If you had only stayed two minutes longer, you would have heard me saying how much my kids adore you... how much I adore you.''

His words made me forget how to speak. "Really?'' I finally squeaked out, as Gerard nodded, confirming every word that he had just spoken was true.

"My kids and I don't care what you do for a living, or where you live. All we care about is how our lives are so much better now that we have you and Sophia in it.''

I threw my arms around him, my eyes instantly shutting as he hugged me back just as tightly.

''So don't you ever think for a second that I would ever agree with Miranda, or care what she says because she cannot keep me and my kids from seeing you,'' he replied, his words so softly spoken.

''I won't, I promise,'' I assured him, grinning up at him.

''We want you in our lives, Frank. I certainly want you in mine,'' he continued, looking me in my eyes once again.

''Promise?''

Gerard nodded eagerly. ''Yes! Even if you...wear a paper bag for clothes and ride a skateboard and live in a box! It doesn't matter!''

We both burst out laughing. This moment was so necessary, it felt so wonderful to hear him say those things to me.

''Thanks, Gee,'' I replied, as he pulled away from our embrace.

"So... we're okay, right?''

He shot me a cheeky grin, and I couldn't help but give him one in return.

'''Course we are,'' I replied, wrapping my arms around his waist as I snuggled into his chest, sighing contentedly as he wrapped his arms around me as well. "I mean, you are my best friend, after all."

"Psh, we are so B.F.F's!"

"And I'm the dense one," I muttered, earning a playful tap on my arm as he grinned at me.

"At least we can be dense together," he shrugged, to which I nodded excitedly.

"Yep," I replied, giving a small grin. "You did say forever, right?"

It was his turn to nod excitedly. "And ever."