Trust Me

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I was dead.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I would never get to see my mother.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I would never get to see Finnick again.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I had let everyone down.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

What the hell was that beeping?!

My eyes shot open, and suddenly I was staring at a bright light over my head. The light startled me and hurt my eyes, and I squeezed them shut again. If this was death, I hated it already. I ached everywhere, and there was an infernal beeping sound that wouldn't stop.

I tried to sit up, but there was a sharp pain in my side, near the small of my back. My hands fumbled blindly around for something to pull me up, but they found nothing. I planted them at my side and I could feel a soft, pillow-like surface below me. What was I laying on? I wanted to open my eyes again, but the light would hurt them. Where was I, anyway? If this was death, couldn't there at least be someone to tell me what was going on?

My hands pushed against the surface I was sitting on, lifting myself up. My arms quivered and ached in protest, but I fought through the pain to sit up. As soon as I was almost fully sitting in an upright position, something wrapped across my chest and pulled me back down so I was laying on my back again.

My hands flew to whatever was across my chest, digging my nails into it. It was soft and warm, and my nails easily punctured it.

I heard someone curse under their breath. "Winnie, shh. Don't struggle, just stay down. I know you're confused, but please stay down. Trust me."

I stopped struggling and slowly pulled my hands away. I could have fought back some more -- after all, if I was already dead, what more could they do to me? -- but the voice seemed so soft and kind that I wanted to listen to it. I opened my mouth and tried to speak, but my words caught in my throat.

"Are you okay? Do you want more medicine? I can help you go back to sleep again, if you want." The voice said softly.

I shook my head and tried to speak again.

"Do you want water? Nurse, get her some water. And make her some tea to soothe her throat." The voice snapped this command out, as if it was the most urgent matter in the entire world.

A few seconds later, I felt a small plastic tube pressed against my lips. I realized it was a straw, and carefully took a few sips. Cool water slid down my throat. I pulled the straw out of my mouth and tried to speak again. "Where am I?" I said, my voice hoarse and crackling.

"You're in the hospital." The voice murmured.

"Why am I in a hospital if I'm dead? Do you still get sick after death? That's ridiculous." I murmured.

The voice laughed. "You're not dead, love. You're just a little banged up."

Another voice, this one higher, scoffed. "She took a knife to the kidney. She's more than just a little banged up."

"Leave." The first voice snapped, and I heard footsteps scurry away. "Just take it easy, okay?"

"Who are you?" I asked, trying to sort through my thoughts.

"I'm Finnick." I heard, and I suddenly recognized the voice.

“Finnick? What’s going on? I died. Why am I here?” My head began to throb as I tried to sort through my thoughts, trying to see if I could remember something after I had collapsed in the clearing.

“I could explain, but I think it’d be better if you could see it yourself. We have all the tapes of this year’s Game. Once you’re feeling better, you can watch them.” Finnick murmured.

I peeked one eye open slowly, hoping that if I took my time opening them then the light wouldn’t hurt my eyes so much. “What happened to Adri? Did he win?”

Finnick sighed. “I think you should wait until after you’ve seen the tapes.” He said, his voice quiet and somber.

My stomach sank. “I want to watch them now.” I insisted.

He frowned. “Winnie, I really think you should wait for a few more days. It might be too stressful for you to—” He began.

“I want to watch them now!” I demanded, my voice as close to a yell as I could get it in my pathetically weak state.

Finnick stared at me for a few moments, as if debating whether or not I was well enough to handle it. “Are you sure?” He asked quietly. “I understand you’re anxious to know, but it could be very stressful for you, and you’re too fragile to handle a lot of stress right now.”

“Finnick, the last thing I remember, I was dead. I had a knife in my back and my cannon blasted, so I was convinced that I died. Now suddenly I’m sitting in a hospital with you, but you won’t tell me how I got here. Don’t you think that, if you wait a few days to show me those tapes, it’ll be even more stressful for me as I try to figure it all out on my own?” I said. “Besides, I need to know what happened to Adri.”

Finnick's frown deepened, but he didn't object again. "I'll go get the tapes." He said softly, leaving the room with a sluggish stride. He returned, holding a series of small discs about the size of a grape. A nurse wheeled in a large television and quickly hooked it up before scurrying out of the room. Finnick loaded the discs into a tray, carefully arranging the order of them so that they would all play in order automatically, before slipping the tray into the side of the television.

"These are just your scenes, along with some of the highlights. You can watch them all, or you can skip to the end." Finnick said, placing a small black circle in front of me. I realized there was a touch-screen on the surface of the circle allowing me to adjust the volume, skip scenes, fast forward, and rewind. The large, broken televisions we had back in District 4 were clunky boxes with large antennas and black and white screens. There were no remotes, only dials on the side of the screen when you needed to change the channel. Not that you ever could. The only thing that we watched on the television were the Games.

I clicked the volume up slowly as the anthem played on the screen, and Seneca Crane's voice announced the start of the games. The screen zoomed in on Terra's face as she leapt off the platform, her legs flying through the air. Her blond hair whipped behind her through the wind as she ran, her face hard and determined. She didn't dare take her eyes off the stash of weapons at the Cornucopia. Tears filled my eyes as I saw her face again, and my hand twitched to grab the remote and fast forward through this scene, but I fought the urge.

Next, the camera focused on me as I ran, pulling the huge pack over my shoulder, barely stopping to scoop it off the ground as I continued on towards the Cornucopia. Two tributes had gotten into a rough fist fight, and I ducked to avoid them. Ingrid fired several arrows at me, and one flew so close to me, I wondered if it had actually sliced my cheek, but somehow I'd managed to avoid it and just kept running. By the time I got there, all the other Careers had already collected their weapons and left, leaving me with the entire Cornucopia to myself as I stashed up on knives.

Two other tributes -- both the tributes from 12 -- were huddled on the edge of the trees, and suddenly the cameras zoomed in on them.

"Kill her! Kill her now!" The girl hissed.

"She's right in the Cornucopia! She's got all the weapons right in front of her, don't you think she's got the upper hand in this?" The boy shot back.

"If she makes it past the first day and into that alliance, you know we're screwed. She got an 11, Miro! We have to get rid of her." She pressed.

"Fine. You stay here and watch my back." He grumbled before leaping from the edge of the clearing. He pried a sword from a dead tribute's chest before continuing towards me. Everyone else seemed too busy fighting to pay any attention to the scrawny boy from 12 running to the Cornucopia. He reached the outer edge of the Cornucopia and raised the sword over his head as if he was trying to stick the sword right from the top of my skull down through my spine. He crept in, silent but slow, and even I was convinced that I was going to die.

A hand suddenly reached in from behind the boy, locking onto the back of his shirt and yanking him back from me. Another hand reached forward and locked across the boy's mouth, stifling a yell of surprise. The hand kept dragging the boy further away until he was well behind the Cornucopia. The boy fumbled his sword around wildly, but he obviously had no idea how to use it, and after flailing it around wildly for a few feet, he accidentally dropped it, leaving him without a weapon. The boy was slammed up against the Cornucopia, and he winced as his back flew into the metal wall.

A fist pummeled into his cheek, followed by another punch to his jaw and a final one to his nose. The boy cried out as he slumped to the ground. "What do you want?"

"That was a really dirty trick. Trying to stab a girl when she's got her back turned?" The camera suddenly panned up to show Adri frowning down at the boy, blood on his knuckles. He wiped the back of his hand off before pulling his machete out.

"Please don't kill me. I was only trying to do what my District partner wanted me to do. She thinks that we won't make it past the first day if the girl from 4 lives!" The boy pleaded.

Adri stared down at the boy for a moment longer before sighing and stepping back. "Go." He said, lowering his arm with the machete.

"Thank you. Thank you!" The boy seemed overwhelmed with relief. He took off back the way he came before casting a glance back over his shoulder. Adri had already left. The boy glanced down and saw the sword he'd dropped and quickly scooped it back up before spotting me as I ran out of the Cornucopia. The boy took off after me again, sword in hand, but a machete sliced his head clean off before the boy even had time to scream.

I already knew it was Adri holding the machete, and as the camera zoomed into Adri's face, I could see him wince. I knew how much Adri hated having to kill.

The girl from 12 screamed out, "No! Miro!" But the camera cut her off. Without any weapons and without a District partner, she wasn't worth focusing on during the bloodbath.

I quickly fast-forwarded through the next few scenes. I didn't want to see Terra die by the arrow that was supposed to kill me, nor did I want to see Jill and Ingrid fight. My side was beginning to throb, but I didn't want to call for more painkillers because I knew that Finnick would make me stop watching the tapes, so instead I could only wince and bear through it.

I watched as Adri stole me away from the clearing with my pack tossed over his shoulder. I had always thought he'd just thrown me over his shoulder, but he had carried me bridal-style for at least two hours as he tried to find the perfect spot to settle down. Every so often he would stop to check my breathing and pulse, as well as make sure that I didn't have any more knives tucked away somewhere. He finally came to a stop, and I recognized the spot where I'd first woken up. He tied me up carefully, checking to make sure that the bonds weren't cutting off my circulation before he stepped back and started to clean his weapons.

I set the remote down next to me on the bed and watched the scene as I awoke. A large bit of it had been cut out, but it still brought a smile to my face as I watched us have our first lengthy encounter. If only I’d known then how much I would come to love Adri.

I spent the next few hours – at least five – watching the discs. I didn’t touch the remote, not daring to skip past a single moment. I knew Adri was dead without Finnick having to say it. If Adri was alive, then I wouldn’t be. He and Ingrid must have killed each other after I blacked out, and I was the only survivor – even if I was just barely alive. Knowing that Adri was dead and that I’d never see him again made me watch the discs attentively, trying to memorize every last detail of his face, though the television screen didn’t do him justice. I couldn’t see the twinkle in his eyes through the screen, and the perfect blue shade of his eyes was marred.

I finally heard the final disc click into place in the tray, and I was suddenly watching myself being chased by the wolf. It only showed the part where I was chased up the tree, and as they switched over to Ingrid, I realized that they had cut out the scene where I had asked the wolf what it wanted.

Ingrid stood as tall as she could in front of the wolf, who looked distinctly like Terra. “You don’t scare me, 1.” She snapped.

The wolf lunged forward and Ingrid jerked back, the wolf’s razor sharp teeth just barely missing her throat.

“Hah! You think that you can get rid of me so easily?” She snorted defiantly. She grabbed an arrow from her sheath and loaded her bow.

The wolf lunged again, and this time it made firm contact. The wolf’s claws sank into Ingrid’s pale skin right at her hairline and raked all the way down to her jawline, and Ingrid let out a bloodcurdling scream.

The wolf took a few steps back and stared at Ingrid as if admiring its work. Ingrid’s brows drew together, and I saw her wince, though she tried her best to hide it. The wolf opened its mouth as it lunged towards her again, but she was prepared. In a lightning-fast movement, she raised her bow and fired it right into the wolf’s open mouth, burying the arrow in its throat. The wolf whimpered loudly and collapsed to the ground, whining and trembling. Ingrid kicked the wolf firmly in the nose before planting another five or six arrows in its body. She kicked the wolf again, this time in the stomach, and spat on its body before walking off towards the Cornucopia, leaving most of her arrows in the wolf’s body.

I felt the rage wash over me. It was like watching Ingrid kill Terra all over again. I tried to calm myself down, knowing that Ingrid was dead now, but that didn’t justify the fact that, before she died, she had taken Adri.

I watched the scene where I met Ingrid, and my stomach lurched as Adri stepped into the clearing. I watched myself spin around, turning my back on Ingrid. I wanted to scream as I watched myself make the worst mistake I’d ever made. Ingrid snatched the knife from my hand and planted it in my back, a victorious smirk on her face.

I could feel the gash in my back ache as I watched the blood pour from the wound, and I watched myself collapse onto the ground.

“Winnie! No, Winnie, get up!” Adri yelled, a pleading edge to his voice. He ran to my body and rolled me onto my side, shaking my shoulders gently as he tried to wake me up.

“How cute. You’re going to mourn the loss of your little sweetheart. That’s so adorable it makes me want to puke.” Ingrid taunted.

Adri whirled his head up to glare at her. He stood and pulled a sword out, glowering at her. “I won’t feel bad for this.” He said, his voice low and deadly.

Ingrid let out a laugh. “Oh, please.” She scoffed. She reached her arm over her shoulders to grab her arrow, when she stopped short. She cast a glance over her shoulder to see her bow and arrows, along with all her other weapons, in a pile a few feet away from her, where she’d tossed them after I’d come into the clearing. The smile disappeared from her face, and she turned back to Adri with a hopeless look on her face. “Please…” She whispered.

Adri charged forwards, slicing the sword into her chest and easily slicing her heart in half through her ribs. She was dead instantly, and she fell to the ground with Adri’s sword still protruding from her chest. A cannon blast shook through the trees, and I realized that that cannon blast must have been the one that I’d heard when I was starting to black out.

This was wrong. This was very, very wrong. Ingrid hadn’t even laid a finger on Adri. She was dead, and I was as good as dead, leaving Adri as the only possible victor at the time, so why was I still alive? Nothing made sense.

Adri turned back to my body, collapsing onto his knees and taking my face in his hands. “Winnie, wake up! Please!” He said, practically screaming at me. Tears were streaming down his face now, and I was shocked to see him cry. He pressed his lips to my forehead and murmured, “I’m so sorry.”

He reached out a trembling hand and clasped it around mine. I felt some sense of relief. He must have forgiven me for what I’d said to him if he was actually mourning my death. Knowing that he had wanted to hold my hand as I died was strangely comforting.

No. He wasn’t holding my hand.

I saw him raise my hand up and I realized that my other knife was still in my hand. My stomach dropped as I realized what he was planning on doing next. He tightened his grip on my hand, closing my fingers around the handle of the knife. Keeping his hand wrapped around mine, he guided my hand in his and stopped it in front of him. In one swift movement he pulled my hand to him, plunging the blade deep into his stomach. His eyes widened and he let out a sharp gasp, his face draining of color. His breaths started coming in shallow wheezy gasps, and he collapsed on top of me, struggling to keep himself propped up on one elbow.

He shakily moved closer, crushing his lips on mine as his blood poured out across the two of us. “I love you,” He said. His eyes fluttered shut and his muscles went limp. The camera zoomed out to show a full shot of us. The star-crossed lovers of the 73rd Hunger Games, dying together.

I let out a loud scream, grabbing the remote and flinging it at the screen. The remote shattered into several pieces and a web of cracks weaved around a large crater left in the screen. I wanted to rip my hand off just knowing that it had been the death of Adri. My first love – even if I hadn’t wanted to admit it—and my best friend, dead by the work of my own hand.

I threw the sheets off myself and ripped the IV tubes out of my arm, pulling off the various sensors attached to my skin that monitored my breathing and heart rate. The gash in my back screamed in protest, but I didn’t care. I saw a vase of flowers resting on a nearby table and I threw it at the door, watching the crystal shatter into millions of pieces.

An alarm blared loudly and the door flew open. Finnick ran in with several nurses by his side, and they all looked equally horrified as they saw what I had done.

“Winnie, no! You have to calm down!” Finnick pleaded.

“It’s too late. She’s not thinking clearly. She’s still dazed from the blood loss and medication, and she’s extremely confused after being in a medically-induced coma for so long. She’s not in control of herself right now.” One of the nurses said.

One of the nurses grabbed my arms and pulled them behind my back, but I wrenched my arms from her grip. She tried again, this time twisting my arms behind me and sending a crippling pain through me. I collapsed to my knees, my arms twisted and pinned behind my back as a blinding pain soared through me. I was still weak, and her methods of restraining me were just aggravating my sore muscles.

“Stop it, you’re hurting her!” Finnick growled, pushing the nurse out of the way. She fell back, landing on the bed. Finnick wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tight to his chest.

“Don’t touch her! She’s very worked up right now. We can’t predict what she’s going to do. She can’t think clearly!” The first nurse warned as the other nurse got to her feet, glaring at Finnick.

I wanted to resist his arms at first, but as I inhaled is familiar scent – the scent that I’d come to know so well before I’d entered the arena, the scent I’d thought I might never smell again – I was placed in some kind of trance. My arms fell limply to my side as I stepped closer to him, resting my head on his chest and crying into his shirt.

“Shh, you’re okay, love. It’s all over.” Finnick murmured.

“No. I killed him. It was my hand that killed him, my blade that stabbed him.” I whimpered.

“It wasn’t your fault. You were unconscious. You were inches away from death.” Finnick said.

I was bawling before I realized I was even crying. Tears couldn’t seem to escape my eyes fast enough as my chest shook with sobs. I was wailing and surely my tears were ruining Finnick’s shirt, but he just stroked small comforting circles into my back.

After ten minutes of sobbing into Finnick’s shirt, I hadn’t calmed down at all. If anything, my sobs had gotten worse. I heard the nurse murmur something, but I couldn’t hear her over my own sobs. Finnick sighed and murmured something, his tone sounding reluctant, but I couldn’t hear him, either.

“Winnie, we’re going to give you some medication, okay? It’s going to calm you down and help you sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up, I promise.” Finnick murmured.

I was too tired to verbally object, but I whimpered in protest. One of the nurses jabbed a needle into my arm without warning, and I yelped as it dug deep into my arm. Finnick yelled at her, but I was already slipping into unconsciousness. He caught me as I started to fall, and the last thing I felt before I passed out was him placing me back onto the bed and wrapping the sheets around me tightly.