Trust Me

“Miss Nova? Miss Nova, can you hear me?” A nasal female voice murmured.

Someone pulled my eyelid up with their thumb, and I saw a blonde nurse staring into my eyes with another nurse standing next to her, scrawling notes onto a clipboard.

“Pupils are responding well. Her vitals are stable and brain activity is good.” The blonde nurse said.

The other nurse nodded. “I’ll update her files.” She said before scurrying out of the room.

“How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?” The nurse asked, clicking the remote to raise the head of my bed up higher so I was practically sitting up. She smoothed the blankets over my lap and placed the bed remote next to my hand so I could adjust the angle myself.

I raised my hand to wipe my eyes, but a series of plastic tubes attached to my hand pulled me back. I realized I was hooked up to a series of IVs, and I had to carefully maneuver my hand up to rub the sleep from my eyes. “I’m really groggy,” I croaked.

“At least you’re coherent.” The nurse said with a kind smile. “We’ve spent the past few days gradually lowering your dose of sedatives so you could wake up gently.”

“Few days?” I quoted incredulously. “How long have I been out?”

“You were last awake two weeks ago, but you got out of the arena about three and a half weeks ago.” The nurse said, scurrying to the window and opening the drapes a bit to let in some light.

I froze. “Three and a half weeks? But…that’s not possible. How could I have slept for three and a half weeks?”

“It wouldn’t have been as long if you hadn’t had that little episode two weeks ago.” The nurse said with a pointed look, but she had a smile on her face. “You did quite a bit of damage, not only to the room and its contents, but also to your body. We wanted you to rest until your wound was completely healed.”

I pulled up the back of the hospital gown and glanced at my back, and sure enough the wound was healed shut. A faint pink puckered scar smiled up at me, but it looked as though I’d received the wound years ago rather than just weeks ago. “Wow. We don’t have this kind of medicine in District 4.” I murmured, running my fingers over the scar gently.

The nurse chuckled. “One of the perks of being in the Capitol, I suppose.”

I bit my lips and fought not to say anything. Everyone in Panem hated the people in the Capitol because of their addiction to ostentatious things and frivolous luxuries, but this nurse was so kind that I didn’t want to think of her like that. “I didn’t recognize you or the other nurse. Are you new?”

The woman paused. “No, but we’re your new nurses. Mr. Odair had the other nurses fired. He claimed they were mistreating you and neglecting to take into account your personal best interests.”

“Oh,” I said simply. I couldn’t say I was sorry that they had been fired, especially with the nice new nurse.

“How are you feeling now? Any more awake?” The nurse asked.

“A little.” I murmured with a nod.

She smiled. “Good. By the way, there’s someone who’s been dying to see you. After your last episode, we had to prohibit any visitors, but now that you’re awake and feeling better, I can’t find any reasons to say no. Unless, of course, you don’t feel like seeing people right now.”

I sighed. I didn’t want to see Finnick right now – not after he’d witnessed my breakdown a few weeks ago. But I knew he’d done so much for me both before, during, and after the Games, and it would be selfish to turn him away. “Can it wait for a bit? I just need some more time to wake up.”

The nurse nodded. “Of course. Why don’t I fetch you some lunch and a cup of tea?”

I agreed, and the nurse scurried off into the hallway.

I heard the nurse’s voice carry into the room as she spoke to someone outside the door. “I’m sorry, sir. She needs a bit more time to wake up.” I knew she was talking to Finnick. There was a pause as Finnick replied, but I couldn’t hear what he said. “Yes, she’s fine.” Another pause. “She’s doing fine, sir! I’m just on my way to get her some food. Just the fact that she’s got an appetite should speak volumes about how well she’s recovering.” The nurse’s voice was tight now, as if she was tired of answering these questions.

I smiled sadly. I felt bad for doing this to Finnick. I knew he only wanted to help, but I wanted desperately to be alone for now. I glanced down at my hand, remembering the video clip where I had stabbed Adri. I almost wanted to ask the nurse to cut it off. I knew it sounded stupid, but I didn’t want it to be a part of me anymore. Not after what it had done.

I felt tears start to flow down my cheeks as the scene replayed itself over and over in my head. The pained look on Adri’s dying face was enough to make me feel like I’d been kicked in the stomach.

“Sir, I can’t tell you if she’s changed because I haven’t been in her room since you saw me leave.” The nurse said as she walked through the door, sounding annoyed. She shut the door behind her, not bothering to wait for a response as she carried a tray full of food.

“Sorry if he’s being pushy. He can be a little overprotective sometimes.” I said, sniffling back the tears and trying to put on a smile.

“It just means you’re loved.” She said as she returned the smile, but her grin faltered as she saw me. “Are you okay? Are you in any pain? Do you want more painkillers? I can give you more sedatives to help you sleep for a few more hours, if you want.” The nurse said, babbling animatedly as a look of concern grew on her face.

“No, no, I’m fine! It’s nothing physical. Just…memories of the Games.” I explained, wiping the tears off my cheeks with the back of my hand.

The nurse frowned slightly. “I see. I’ll leave you to your lunch.” She said, seeming to understand my need to be alone. She placed the tray over my lap and unhooked me from all the machines and IVs so I could eat, and then she stepped out. After she closed the door, I heard her engage in another conversation with Finnick where she had to keep assuring him that I was fine.

I wasn’t hungry, but I knew that I would have to eat something after asking for lunch. Besides, Finnick thought I was doing well because the nurse told him I was eating, and I felt as if I owed it to him. I reluctantly forced down as many spoonfuls of hospital-approved mush as I could manage, but the only thing I could think of was Adri. Several times I almost choked on a mouthful of mush as the sobs made me nearly inhale the food. I placed the tray on the table next to me and pulled the blankets up over my head, wishing I could suffocate myself in the sheets.

I wish I hadn’t won. It wasn’t worth winning like this. I felt as if I had killed him myself. I might as well have. If I hadn’t had that knife, I would have died before he could find some way to kill himself, and the Game makers would have crowned him victor. He wouldn’t have had the opportunity to kill himself if only I hadn’t had that stupid knife.

I pulled a pillow over my head and pressed it to my face. I wanted to scream into it, but I didn’t want to worry Finnick, so all I could do was sob into the pillow. I remembered the first time Adri had kissed me, even if it had only been for a mind game. I remembered the look on his face when he’d left me, on the morning that I’d said all the wrong things by mistake. I remembered the time he’d pulled me into the rock pool in the arena. I remembered the huge grin on his face every time he saw me, and I remembered the pained hollow look on his beautiful face as he’d fallen on top of me, his life slipping away.

I didn’t care about Finnick anymore. I screamed into the pillow as loud as I could before throwing it onto the table, knocking the tray to the ground. The glass bowl shattered as it hit the floor and the table clattered as it landed. I let out another frustrated scream, kicking the sheets wildly as I tried to shake the memories from my head.

The doorknob started to shake wildly, as if someone on the other side was fumbling to get in.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to step back. She hasn’t cleared any visitors yet.” One of the nurses – an unfamiliar sounding one – said firmly.

“I don’t care. I want to see her – now!” I heard Finnick say, though his words were muffled. His voice sounded deeper, and I wondered if he’d been sitting outside the door without any sleep for a while.

“Sir, if you don’t step back, I’m going to have to call security.” The nurse said sternly.

The doorknob resumed jiggling before it swung open. “Bite me!” Finnick snapped, stepping into the room and slamming the door shut behind him and locking it.

“Finnick, I don’t want to…” I stopped short as I glanced up at him. My heart fluttered and my stomach soared as I looked up at his face. Every nerve in my body was electrified just being in the same room as him again.

It was him. I couldn’t believe it, but I wouldn’t dare question it. It had to be him.

It was Adri.