Just You

I stood at Jensen’s front door, sunglasses over my eyes, hood of my sweater over my head, probably still smelling like alcohol. I looked like the freaking Unabomber and felt worse. My head was pounding and my stomach felt like it was tied in a knot, but I pushed the button of their doorbell anyway. I had come to apologize, and that’s what I needed to do.

There were footsteps and a figure appeared, distorted by the patterned glass of their front door. The figure hesitated then seemed to compose their posture and open the door. It was Danneel and I should have known. She wasn’t as tall as Jensen. I just wasn’t all together today.

“Hey.” I tried to smile but I think it came out as a grimace.

“Hi.” She did not look amused.

“Um, is Jensen here?” She spared a glance over her shoulder and sighed.

“No.” She said, shaking her head and I rolled my eyes behind my sunglasses. So he’s going to be a child about this. Fine.

“Well tell him that I’m sorry for everything, and I’d really like him to call me when he has time. Oh, and I didn’t go home with Brent. So, um, yeah.” I said with my voice slightly raised. I knew he was just around the corner and could hear every word.

“Sure.”

“Thanks.” She nodded as I turned and started to walk down the sidewalk. Then the reason for her icy tone hit me. She knew what I said. Jensen must have told her. “Oh, Danneel?” I looked back to see her frozen with the door half shut. “I’m sorry. I didn’t...I didn’t mean anything.” She gave me a slight smile.

“I know. You were hurting.” She looked back momentarily and mouthed ‘I will talk to him’ as her head swung back to face me. I nodded and walked the rest of the way down the sidewalk to my car. I sat in the car for a moment then put the key in the ignition. As the engine turned over, I saw Jensen walking down the sidewalk. He surprised me by walking to the driver’s side and opening the door.

“Get out.” He said and I looked up at him, confused.

“What?”

“Get out. I’m going to take you somewhere.” I sighed and stood from the seat. He slid in and I got into the passenger’s seat. He put the car into drive and sped down the road.

“Where are we going?” I asked softly. He completely ignored my question.

“You know, when you tried to kill yourself, it hurt me so bad I thought I didn’t want to live. After that fight we had in the hospital, I took off. I wasn’t thinking about my perfect fiancée, my perfect career, or my perfect life. I was thinking about you, how I couldn’t live without you. You’re my best friend.”

“Jay, I—” He shook his head and I shut my mouth.

“Just listen.” He said, and took a familiar turn. He was going to a secluded spot in the Hollywood Hills, one he showed me when I moved out here. He didn’t speak until we pulled into a spot and got out. “Come on.” He urged, sensing my reluctance to follow him.

“Is this where you kill me?” My attempt of a joke fell on deaf ears. Instead of responding, he grabbed my forearm and pulled me none-too-gently to the edge of the cliff. Before us was a breath-taking sight. Even with the smog, the city below glittered in the afternoon sun.

“I was going to jump.” The pain in Jensen’s voice brought me back to here and now.

“What?” I looked up to study his face while he stared forward.

“I was going to jump. I was going to end it all.” He shook his head and sighed.

“I don’t know what to say.” He bit his lip and then looked at me as the words left my lips.

“You’re like a parasite, Angel. You suck the life out of everyone who loves you. I can’t do this anymore.” My jaw dropped but strangely I wasn’t angry. I was just hurt. “I’m done. Danneel and I discussed it, and we’d like it if you would come to the wedding, but not as a bridesmaid. I’m sorry.” He started to walk away.

“Wait, what? I don’t understand.” I put my hand on his shoulder and he turned slightly.

“I can’t watch you self-destruct until you’re dead. I can’t be your friend anymore. I’m sorry.” He didn’t look me in the face before he turned around completely and walked away from me and our friendship.