Just You

I sat on the bed and opened my hand to see the folded piece of worn notebook paper. Noise brought my attention to the doorway where Christie stood smiling.

“He's a cutie,” she smirked. “How long have you been together?”

“Oh, Jensen's not my boyfriend. He's my best friend.” I laughed slightly.

“Uh huh.” she walked further into the room. “So you're telling me you've never hit that?”

“Uh, no? He's just a friend.” I lied through my teeth. Truth is, there was this one time. Just once, and once was enough. “Besides, he's engaged.”

“Right.” She stared at me then shook her head as if she didn’t believe me. “Well, group starts in fifteen. Are you gonna go?”

“Yeah, just give me a minute.” She shrugged and left. With shaking hands, I unfolded the paper. What could be on it? Why didn’t he want me to read it in front of him? Only one way to find out.

As the last crease came undone, a smaller paper fell out. I gave it a glance and noticed it looked like a poem in his handwriting. I placed it next to me and began reading the larger paper.

Angel-

I just want to start with I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, or blow up like I did. You just scared the crap out of me. You almost died. I almost lost you. And for what? Some douche that didn’t deserve you in the first place?

You’re my best friend. If you were gone, who would I watch Dallas games with? Who would I go to the park in Richardson with? Who would I spend hours talking to? You give me something nobody else does. I have friends, but not like you.

So I wrote you this song. I hope you like it. And I hope it tells you how much you mean to me. And when you get out, I want to play it for you. You’re my best friend and I love you.

I can’t think of anything else to say, anything relevant at least.

Love,
Jay

Tears welled up in my eyes and I sighed. I pressed the back of my hand into my eyes impatiently and took a few deep breaths. After I got my emotions under control, I picked up the smaller piece of paper and read.

Just You

I believe in your strength, though I understand you felt alone
Because when you need a friend there’s no one strong
To fall back on and your past will still burden you but I'll hold you through the pain

So, in the end it’s not just you, with your memories and your scars
Fall on me if you ever forget how beautiful you are

I believe in your words and your eyes
And when you speak of your dreams
I realize that I will envy whoever you give your heart to

So in the end it’s not just you with your memories and your scars
Fall on me if you ever forget how beautiful you are

And I will never let you, fade away
And I want you to know that I love you
For all you are and all that you’ll be

So in the end it’s not just you with your memories and your scars
Fall on me if you ever forget how beautiful you are

And you are

The tears I once held at bay ran rapids down my cheek. I sniffled and read the lyrics over, and over again until I had it memorized. I could even hear a vague melody in my head. I fell back on the bed and studied the words.

I could see him writing the words in my mind’s eye, at his desk, guitar in his lap, and pen in his right hand. As I touched the paper, I could feel the warmth of his hand as it glided across the page. I missed him so much and I just saw him. My heart panged for him and it hit me.

But no, no, it couldn’t be.

I couldn’t be…in love with him.