All We've Ever Known

As I walked back to the bus, my mind felt as if it had turned to mush. My lips still tingled from the kiss, and my legs felt a bit like Jell-O. This night went better than I had expected, and my heart was pounding a million miles a minute because of it. I just kissed Macy… I had just fucking kissed Macy Granger, and wholeheartedly loved every minute of it. Just thinking about it sent butterflies flapping wildly away in my stomach.

When I walked back on the bus, the number of people on board was beginning to dwindle, and I really didn’t mind at all. Jack was passed out on the couch, and Rian was laughing with Cassadee Pope from Hey Monday, her hand grazing his forearm. I raised an eyebrow and approached the pair.

“Hey, guys,” I said happily. Rian turned, a semi-shocked look on his face.

“Hey, dude… Where were you?” He looked warily at Cassadee who smiled and excused herself.

“What’s… Going on here?” I laughed.

“Nothing! She was just telling me about her dog…”

“Oh…” I nodded, raising an eyebrow. “I’m sure she was…”

Rian rolled his eyes and began walking away, and I took it as a joke. There was no way that anything could be going on between them… He had Kara and loved her more than anything… I would be devastated if anything happened to their relationship.

“Hey, Zack,” I said, sitting down on the back lounge couch beside him. Everyone else was now migrating to the front, preparing to leave.

“Hey,” he replied, his eyes trailing on a girl I had noticed him taking an interest in.

“Why aren’t you going after her?” I asked.

He shook his head and replied, “She seems more refined than that. I didn’t even want to attempt to keep her here.”

“So… You’re just letting her leave?”

He smiled cheekily and held up a small slip of paper with what I assumed to be her number. I clapped him on the back and leaned my head against the couch. My phone buzzed in my pocket making me jump, so I quickly removed it and glanced at the number. I groaned when I saw the name flash across my screen.

“Who is it?” Zack asked, leaning over to see for himself. When he saw the name he glanced up and shook his head.

“I’m not going to answer it…” I mumbled, shoving my phone back in my pocket. Lisa could wait. Lisa could always wait, and that was the real sad part about it all.

“When are you just going to break it off?” he questioned matter-of-factly.

I stared at him, unable to come up with an answer. Was I ever going to break it off with her? I couldn’t see myself… Ever being without her, but at the same time I constantly felt like I was just stringing her along until something better came. But what was better? Maybe her and I were meant to be together and I just had to face the facts…

I still couldn’t get my mind off of the kiss with Macy, though… There was something there that… Was undeniable! The way she leaned in when I kissed her, the way her delicate fingers wrapped themselves around my arms as she deepened the kiss ever-so-slightly – it was enough to drive me mad! I couldn’t ignore the feelings that were evoked… They were all too real for that.

“I don’t know, man…” I sighed, defeated.

“What…? So you’re saying that you’re seriously thinking of breaking it off?”

I grabbed my hair and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “I don’t know! I don’t know what’s happening anymore! Do you know who I just spent a forbidden like, fifteen fucking minutes with?”

“Who?” Zack asked, almost as if this was funny to him. I would’ve punched the son of a bitch.

“Macy. But don’t fucking tell anyone. I don’t know what’s happening, Zack…” I said, rubbing my eyeballs.

“You talked to Macy out there?”

“I fucking kissed Macy out there,” I replied, still not looking at him.

There was utter silence for what seemed like forever before Zack said with a laugh, “This has got to be a fucking joke… You… You kissed her?!”

“Do you want me to spell it out for you? I kissed her – as in, my lips touched hers. Willingly touched hers. And hers willingly touched mine. And I know we both liked it.”

“She liked it?”

I sighed, “Judging by the gigantic smile on her face, yeah.”

“Shit… What are you going to do, man?” he asked, leaning his head against the back of the couch.

“I don’t know... It just… Made me really confused and… Now freaked out. I wasn’t before, but now it’s all setting in that I fucking kissed her. Maybe the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”

“It’s definitely not the worst,” Zack laughed.

“Yeah? Then what’s the worst,” I said, leaning back and looking at him.

“Probably letting her go in the first place.”

I didn’t respond, but just sat back in confusion. Was it the worst mistake I ever made? I had no choice, though… I couldn’t possibly stay with her when she was practically dying… I didn’t have the guts. But if I had stayed, would it have made any difference?

“Why would say that?” I finally whispered.

“Come on, dude! Did you really just force it down that deep? We all know that you did, do, and always will love Macy. And not just your normal kind of love. I truly believe that there’s something else there, something that you don’t have with Lisa, and I think that’s why you’re stringing her along the way you do. You’re trying to see if that love is possible with her, when we all know it isn’t. You and Macy were always just… Destined for each other.”

“You… Still think I’m in love with her?”

Zack laughed again and replied, “Alex, I know you’re still in love with her. If she’s making you feel this crazy over one stupid kiss, after not seeing her for years… Well, that’s got to mean something.”

“You think? God, I’ve been with Lisa for so long… I can’t just… I can’t start feeling like this just because Macy walked into my life for a second… I promised Lis I wouldn’t do this to her…”

“You know she deserves better…” Zack sighed.

“What?” I replied, clearly offended.

“Alex, come on. You’ve probably fucked her up more than you think. Can you even count how many times you screwed her over? Honestly? I think that certain people are meant for each other, and you and Lisa are not one those couples.”

My phone buzzed again, and I swiftly took it out of my pocket. It wasn’t a call though, like I had expected it to be. It was a text, and the name that appeared at the top of the message was one that released the butterflies out of their cages for probably the tenth time that day.

“Who is it?” Zack asked, this time, more annoyed than curious.

Macy:
Let me know when you’re off tour. :)

“Wow, she’s got some guts,” Zack laughed.

“What do you mean?” I replied, a smile plastered to my face as I sent her a reply as quickly as my fingers would allow me to type.

Sure thing! Why?

“I just think you need to… Make sure you cut off all loose ends before getting into something like this,” he said, gesturing to my phone. “And I think she’s fucking crazy for even speaking to you…”

“I… I know,” I sighed. “But we’re just talking… Big deal! It’s not going to go anywhere.”

“You say that, but I believe that you hope it does.”

“Get the fuck to bed. Go call your stupid girl, or whatever,” I laughed pointing to the slip of paper he still held in his hands.

“You know? I will!” he said, getting up. “Because I fucking can without getting incredibly, emotionally fucked up.”

“Dick,” I muttered as he walked away.

My phone vibrated and I anxiously looked at the message.

Macy:
I want to follow you up on your offer to hang out… I’ve got some great places down here I think you’ll appreciate…

I smiled, unable to contain the utter joy that I felt. I didn’t care how stupid or childish or risky any of this was, I was excited and that was something I hadn’t really felt in a while. There was a very slim chance that this could all work out in my favor, and I hoped more than anything that it would all turn out that way. The fact that Macy went out of her way to text me, the very last person she’d ever probably want to text, made my heart flutter with excitement (yeah, cheesy… I know).

Don’t you worry, I’ll let you know as soon as possible!