Of the Soul

"You did amazing. Seriously, I've never seen you dance better." Blaine boasted sincerely from the driver's side of the vehicle. I let out a small giggle, and shook my head, looking out the window. He was driving slowly, probably so we had more time to talk before he returned me home.

"Well, thank you."

"What's up with you?" He asked, sounding more amused rather than concerned. I looked back at him, and he had a grin on his face, which I wasn't surprised about.

"What do you mean?"

"You usually don't let me compliment you. What's going on? Do you have a crush?" He asked, batting his eyelashes like a silly little schoolgirl I never was. I did everything I could not to burst out laughing, not only from his actions but from the absurdity of his question.

"A crush? No, Blaine. Not a crush." I chuckled, wondering where he even got that idea.

"You sure? You looked damn pleased when he said he liked you."

"Not because I like him though. The very opposite."

"That doesn't make much sense..."

"Sure it does," I said, smiling. "Revenge, Blaine."

"Acacia..." He groaned, running his fingers through his hair. "Really?"

"Damn straight."

"Why?"

"I just have to, okay? You wouldn't understand." I muttered, turning as far away from him as my body would allow in such a tight amount of space.

"You don't have to. You just want to. You want to have something in your control because nothing else is, and it happens to be that boy." He said, surprisingly calmly. I turned to look at him and his expression was unreadable. He was just still.

"And do I not have a right to do that?" I asked. "Everyone needs something in their control every once in a while."

"But not people, Cacey. Not friends, family, not even enemies. You can't manipulate people to feel something that you don't normally feel."

I looked at him in shock. That was the first time in a long time he called me Cacey. I wasn't shocked about what he was saying... he was the kind of guy to confront me about well, everything, but he obviously took it seriously if he wasn't using his preferred name for me.

"You're just saying that because you don't want me to fuck up this opportunity."

"I'm saying it because I want you to let go of all the anger you have." He sighed, gripping the steering wheel tightly. I noticed then that we were only about two blocks from my apartment building.

"I'm not angry."

"You're angry, Acacia. You're always angry." He shook his head, and sped around the corner. "I'm not in any position to fight with you, but just let it go. He obviously never meant any harm by whatever he did, and honestly, if it was that bad, he would have remembered you."

It was like I hearing him, but I was refusing to take any of it in. It was just background noise. I was extremely stubborn, always had been. I made my opinion on something, and would not break that decision after I made it. I would not listen to reasoning, or rationalize. I stuck to what I wanted, even if I wasn't sure why I wanted it.

I said nothing to Blaine for the reminder of the car ride. Once he hit the brakes, I was out on the sidewalk, walking quickly towards the apartments. I didn't realize how fast I was walking until I realized I was inside my apartment, halfway to my room.

I opened my bedroom door and closed it behind me-rather loudly, but I didn't figure it'd wake up my Mom. I was wrong, and she called my name a few seconds later.

"Cacey!" she yelled from her frequent spot on the couch. "Come here please!"

I obliged and was out in the living room before she could call me again. "Yeah, Mom?"

"D-Did you g-get it?" She asked, as I made my way around the couch to face her. Her head had made a permanent impression in the pillow, and her hair was splayed out in a tangled mess. "Are you in the v-video?"

I smiled weakly, and nodded. "Yeah, Mom. I got it."

She grinned at me, and nodded, her eyes slowly falling closed. She didn't often talk to me lately, because she hated her stutter. I didn't mind of course, but she was embarrassed.

My Mother was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when I was around twelve. At first, it wasn't so bad. It didn't affect her really, and she kept dancing, working... But it gradually worsened, she was forced to quit her job, get disability cheques from the government, and basically let me fend for myself. I didn't mind of course, I never blamed her... I knew she felt guilty for getting sick, but it wasn't her fault. I loved her no matter what, and would always be there to help her. She had no reason to feel bad for her body turning on her.

I still wanted to talk to my Mom. I wanted to have a long, full conversation with her but she was always too tired, or too embarrassed. I looked at her, scanning her serene expression, hoping she'd open her eyes so I could connect with her somehow, but her eyes remained closed.

"I'll talk to you later, okay, Mom?"

"Mmmhmm." She mumbled. I took her hand and squeezed it once before heading to my room for the rest of the night.

--

The annoying, shrill ring of my cell phone cut my dreams short the next morning. I lazily cracked open one eye, feeling around for my cellphone on my bedside table. Finally I grabbed it, pressing the "talk" button, and shoving it to my ear.

"Hello?" I grumbled, rubbing my eyes and burying my head in the pillow.

"Hey, is this Acacia?"

"Cacey." I corrected halfheartedly, looking over at the alarm clock for the time. It was nearly noon. "And yeah, it is." The voice on the other line was hauntingly familiar, but it didn't strike me at that time.

"It's Mac, uh, Mac Miller. My boss lady person was gonna call you today but I said I'd do it." He chuckled, and I suppressed a sigh. I should have known it was him. "We're gonna be working on some choreography or some shit like that today. I can come pick you up, if you want."

I wrinkled my nose at the idea of Mac showing up in my apartment building parking lot. No fucking way was that happening. "Is that standard procedure? I mean, for the talent to be picking up his background dancer."

He laughed quietly, before answering, and I smiled dryly. "No, I guess not, but I dunno. I want to."

"I can find my own ride."

"You sure?" He asked, sounding ridiculously disappointed.

"I'm sure. When, and where?"

I could only imagine how off guard he was taken due to me turning him down. He seemed used to getting girls to do whatever he wanted, or at least, he used to act like it. "Um, same place as the audition, two or so?"

"Alright. I'll probably getting a ride from Blaine. That guy from last time, you know? Is it okay if he... stays?" I knew I'd need his support. It wasn't that I was nervous, I just needed his strength.

"Yeah, that's fine!" He said, then there was a pause, an inhale of breath. "He's your agent?"

"Yeah. Sometimes he thinks he's my Father, though." I sighed, sitting up and running my fingers through the tangled mess on the top of my head that was my hair.

"So he's not your boyfriend?"

I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it, it was just a ridiculous concept. Blaine was ... Blaine. Definitely not my boyfriend. "God, no."

"Oh... okay." He laughed. "That's good I guess."

"Yeah. Well, uh, I think I'm gonna get ready. So, see you soon?" I got off my bed, walking towards the mirror on the opposite wall and examining my tired looking reflection.

"Yeah, for sure. Bye."

I hung up, and threw my phone back on my bed, letting out a sigh. I set out the plans for the day in my head. Shower first, call Blaine and set up a ride, finish getting ready, choreography... Then what? I left my room and headed towards the bathroom, hearing the soft hum of the TV in the living room. I immediately stripped down, and turned on the water in the shower. It was scalding hot at first, but I got in anyways, seeing patterns of newly heated skin turn bright red. I turned on the cooler water and scrubbed shampoo into my hair. I was getting ready as fast as I could.

For some reason, I was anxious to get there. I wasn't sure why. Obviously, I didn't want to see Mac, but I wanted to be there, around him. I wasn't sure what I going to do to him yet, but revenge was always on my mind. It was probably unhealthy, but I couldn't help being vengeful. I always got back at the people who hurt me, it was just the kind of person I was.

I turned off the shower, grabbed a towel, hastily dried myself off and ran back to my room. I immediately grabbed my phone and punched Blaine's number into it. It only rang twice before he answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey. I need a ride."

"Sorry, I didn't know I was your taxi service." He scoffed, and I smiled slightly to myself.

"To do the music video choreography, Blaine." I chuckled, sitting down on my bed.

"Oh. Okay. Then that's okay." He said, then paused. "What time?"

"Two."

"Alright, that can be done..."

"Okay, good." I got up and started rummaging through my drawers, looking for clothes. I settled on some yoga pants and a tank top. We would be dancing, I didn't need to look too stylish.

"You nervous?"

"Why would I be?" I asked, balancing the phone between my shoulder and ear as I pulled the pants on.

"I dunno. It's your big break. Why wouldn't you be?"

"That's just not me, I guess." I said, tying my hair up in a wet ponytail. "Look, I gotta finish getting ready. I'll see you at like, ten to two or so?"

"Of course. Bye, Acacia."

"See ya." I said quickly before hanging up. Even though I had a short while to wait before Blaine would be there to pick me up, I had already been waiting too long.

--

Blaine followed after me as I entered the building and wandered down the hallway. I could hear a few hushed voices coming from just a little bit ahead, and I looked back at Blaine for support.

"You'll do great." He whispered as we entered the area the voices were coming from.

There were only three people. Mac, a woman I hadn't seen before, and one of Mac's friends. I looked down at my phone, confused if I'd gotten the right time or not.

"Uh, hi?"

Mac grinned over at me, taking a few steps forward so he was right in front of me. I bit down on my lip. "Hey."

"Where is everyone?" I asked.

"Uh, they aren't here today..." Mac said, taking off his hat and running his fingers through his short hair. I narrowed my eyes and tilted my head. Blaine made his way over to the other two.

"Why not?"

"Cause you're doin something different than the other dancers."

I was suspicious right away. I couldn't help it, it was just in my nature. I just stared at him, as Blaine and the woman exchanged hushed words. "And what am I going to be doing?"

Mac grinned shamelessly, then "coughed" to cover it up, and masked his face with a serious expression. I looked at him expectantly. "I thought I was dancing?"

"Yeah, you'll be dancing but also....You're gonna be playing my girl."