I Could Never Pretend

It had been two weeks since April and Phil had moved back to Castle Bam and finally the building was beginning to resemble a place where people could live in comfort and cleanliness. That wasn’t to say that it hadn’t been hard work. April had spent every waking moment attempting to restore her son’s house to a state of normality and she had started by throwing out all of his friends, bar Novak. She had reasoned that Bam needed some form of company, and she was worried what would happen to Novak without a roof over his head. The others, she did not particularly care for. She missed Dico, Raab, Rake and Dunn, and she made sure that Bam knew this.

This particular morning Bam was sat on the sofa next to Phil with his arms folded in disapproval. The two men were watching as April walked back and forth with a dust cloth in her hand, periodically exclaiming about the state of the house. Despite the numerous times she had cleaned the rooms, she was still not satisfied. Apparently the dictatorship she was holding over the place was not enough, and April’s power trip was driving Bam crazy. He had continued to protest against his mother treating him like he was a kid, but April’s response was always the same. If he didn’t want to be treated like a child he should stop acting like one. Bam couldn’t imagine any child spending their days drinking and smoking, but he decided not to voice this opinion.

“I cannot believe how filthy this place still is!” April sighed, throwing her cloth down in defeat. “What were you doing before we got here?”

Bam had finally lost patience and stood up purposefully. He had had enough.

“Where do you think you’re going?” April demanded, staring daggers at her son.

“Away from you, crazy woman.” He shook his head and left the room, leaving April and Phil to stare after him. If he didn’t get a fix of nicotine soon he would surely lose his mind. He had already lost the will to live, that was for sure.

April had successfully managed to purge the house of alcohol and cigarettes but Novak had been providing Bam a steady supply of both when April was not looking. When he was confident that his mother was not following him, Bam pulled out a pack of cigarettes and his lighter as he made his way across the castle grounds. He could not smoke the cigarette fast enough and as the nicotine filled his lungs he exhaled a huge sigh of relief. It was good to get away from April, as much as he loved her. He knew it would have made more sense just to move out while she did what she needed to do with the house, but he just could not bring himself to leave. Not only would it seem pathetic that his own mother had driven him out of his house, but the castle held so many memories for Bam, memories that he was not quite ready to let go of, nor abandon for any amount of time.

It hadn’t taken April long to notice that Bam had still kept Amelia’s possessions and that their photograph still held pride of place on the bedside table, but she had known better than to mention this to Bam. There was obviously some part of Bam, no matter how deep down, which still harboured feelings for his wife. After all, April failed to see how you could just suddenly stop loving somebody. She had seen with her own eyes the way that Bam used to look at Amelia. There was no use in him trying to deny his feelings.

“Do you think I should go after him?” April asked Phil, still staring in the direction that Bam had gone.

Phil shook his head. “You’ve come on a bit heavy with the house. He just needs his own space you know.”

April bit her lip, knowing that her husband was right, but that didn’t necessarily make her feel any better about the situation. She was a mother. It was in her nature to worry about her children and she had always worried more about Bam.

Phil watched April’s face crease with lines of worry. He hated to see his wife under so much stress. He too was worried about Bam’s behaviour but by nature Phil was a very relaxed and easy going person. He knew that Bam was strong and eventually he would be able to overcome whatever problems he had. Still, whatever Phil thought, it wouldn’t ease April’s mind.

“Would you like me to go and talk to him?” Phil suggested as April took a seat beside him on the sofa.

April’s eyes lit up. Unlike Phil, she rarely thought twice about interfering but at this moment in time she reasoned that she was probably the last person that Bam wanted to talk to. This did not make her feel bad about taking her son’s life in the slightest. She just knew that she needed to hold back a little.

“Would you?” She turned to look at her husband hopefully. “I think it would really help. He won’t speak to me. He thinks I’m a ‘crazy woman’”.

Phil nodded, deciding not to tell April that Bam had been right. She had gone a little bit crazy, but that was one of the reasons why he loved her so much. “I’ll see what I can do.” He told her, pulling himself up from the sofa and on to his feet.

Phil had a pretty good idea where he could find his son. Bam thought he could pull the wool over his parent’s eyes when it came to drinking and smoking, but while April might be naive, Phil certainly wasn’t. He made his way to the back garden and spotted a familiar looking silhouette at the edge of the border. A smiled played across his lips as Phil remembered his younger years. He and Vito had not been exactly innocent themselves. Despite the fact that he was not in great shape, Phil eventually managed to catch up with Bam, and was relieved that Bam did not take off when he spotted his father making his way over.

“Thanks for not running off. I’m not in quite as good shape as you.” Phil remarked, ignoring the cigarette resting between Bam’s lips.

Bam shrugged, not quite sure of what his father expected him to say. He wasn’t so immature that he would run away from Phil, but had it been April he may have thought twice. Bam took the cigarette from between his lips but there was no point wasting it so he continued to smoke. After all, Phil had already seen it so the damage had been done.

“Are you not going to call me out on this?” Bam questioned his father, motioning to the cigarette.

It was Phil’s turn to shrug. “What’s the use? You’re a grown man and you’re perfectly entitled to smoke if you want to.”

Bam’s eyes widened slightly but then he asked himself what he had really expected Phil to say. The only time he had ever seen his father get angry was when he put fireworks in the back of his van during the filming for Jackass. “I wish Ape felt the same.” Bam grimaced.

“You know she’s only worried about you right?” Phil patted Bam on the shoulder. “You can’t blame her for trying to be over protective.”

Bam sighed. “I can’t take this madness any longer. I’m not a fucking child. I don’t need to be babysat. Can you get her to move back out?”

Phil thought about Bam’s request. He knew there was no way April would leave unless she thought that Bam was perfectly capable of taking care of himself again. There must be some way for the two of them to come to an agreement. “I can talk to her.” Phil nodded. “But what good that’ll do I don’t know. You know she never listens to me.”

Bam nodded. “She never listens to anyone.”

“Doesn’t that remind you of someone?” Phil’s eyes sparkled and a smile threatened to form.

Bam raised an eyebrow when he realised who Phil was referring to. “Oh come on, I am nothing like her!” he exclaimed, dropping his cigarette and putting it out with his foot.

Phil could not contain his laughter. “You are exactly the same. Just admit it.”

“Never.” Bam folded his arms defiantly but he couldn’t stop his lips from twitching. He knew that Phil was right. Bam was equally as pig-headed and self righteous as April and nothing would ever change that.

Phil smiled and handed Bam a packet of gum. “That’s exactly what I mean.” He laughed and squeezed his son’s shoulder affectionately.

“Thanks.” Bam acknowledged, popping a piece of gum into his mouth to take away the taste of the cigarette.

“What do you say we head back to house and order takeout? I’m starved.” Phil suggested, rubbing his stomach for effect.

“You’re always starved.” Bam shook his head and laughed. “But no thanks fat boy. I’m staying well clear of the she-demon in there.” Bam gestured to the house.

“Suit yourself. I was going to make you a deal to get rid of the she-demon...oh shit, don’t tell your mother I called her that!” Phil put a hand to his mouth in surprise.

Bam laughed but Phil had caught his attention with mention of a deal. “What deal are we talking about here Phil?”

“Oh you probably wouldn’t be interested. I mean, you said you’d had it with the guys in LA didn’t you? And it would probably be for the best if you just stayed here.” Phil shrugged. He had always prided himself on his ability to play devil’s advocate.

Bam folded his arms and stared at his father. “Just spit it out Phil. What are you getting at?” His parents knew full well how he felt when it came to Tremaine, Knoxville and the rest of those jackasses. He had not yet recovered from the betrayal he believed to have suffered and he was quite happy to remain in West Chester, licking his wounds.

“Well you know your mother and I are flying out to LA next week for Jeff’s wedding.” Phil watched his son carefully for any sign of a reaction. “I know you tore up the invitation but Jeff really wants you to be there, and April was really hoping that you would come along too. Jess is going to be there and so is Ryan. It would be nice to have everyone together again wouldn’t it? And then when we get back, I will make sure April leaves you alone. Hell, I’ll carry her out of here myself if I have to. So, what do you think?”

Bam continued to stare at his father with his arms folded. “So you’re saying that if I come to the wedding, you’ll make sure April moves out?” Bam was sceptical to say the least and the thought of seeing all of those faces again made his stomach churn.

“Exactly. You have my word.” Phil smiled gently, waiting for an answer. He and April had already spoken briefly about getting Bam to go to LA. They were perfectly aware that he didn’t want to see Johnny and Amelia, but there was no reason why he should lose touch with Jeff and the others. Any betrayal he imagined to have suffered was exactly that; his imagination. They knew that Jeff had attempted to convince him that there was no ‘taking sides’ but after all, Bam never listened to anyone.

Bam exhaled loudly. Going back to LA was the last thing he wanted to do. Going back to LA for Jeff Tremaine’s wedding would be even worse. Jeff and Knoxville were bosom buddies and he was confident that Knoxville would not think twice about flaunting Amelia in front of everyone. Still, Phil could have asked a lot more of Bam. He could have asked him to drop the custody case.

Very little had been said regarding that since April had initially found out that he had filed for sole custody of Brandon. Bam assumed that she was trying not to add fuel to his fire in the hope that he would eventually drop it. The truth be told, Bam was not sure why he was still going with it. After all, he had never wanted to be a father in the first place, and his brief attempt to be a father to Brandon before Amelia had left had not exactly proved to be very successful. Amelia had been right when she had told him that no judge in their right mind would award Bam custody. He knew it was pointless and that deep down the only reason he had not dropped the case was because he wanted to keep fighting Amelia. This was the same reason why he had not signed the divorce papers that he had been served with months ago. By fighting Amelia he was still holding on to a tiny part of her and he could not find it within himself to let go.

“So are you going to go to LA?” Phil asked, awakening Bam from his daydream.

“I guess I don’t have much choice do I?”