I Could Never Pretend

“Are you alright Amelia? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost!” Laura explained, watching Amelia warily. Amelia was leaning against the door as she struggled to catch her breath from dashing away from Bam.

“I’m fine. Well actually no, I’m not.” Amelia hesitated and sat Brandon down on the bed. “Did you know Bam was here?”

“Bam?” Laura’s mouth opened in surprise. “I knew Jeff invited him, but as far as I was aware he hadn’t replied.” She bit her lip worriedly. “Is it going to be a problem?”

Amelia shook her head determinedly when she saw that Laura’s face had fallen. She would not let anything get in the way of her friend’s special day. “It’s not a problem at all Laura.” Amelia told her confidently, embracing the bride in a tight hug. “It just took me by surprise, that’s all.”

“Are you sure?” Laura asked, pulling away from Amelia.

“I swear.” Amelia smiled and crossed her heart. “Now let me have a look at you.” She stood back to admire the sight of Laura in her big white dress. “You look beautiful.” She grinned.

“Thanks. I’m a bit nervous. I just want to go down now.” Laura smiled anxiously. Amelia could not recall ever seeing Laura so nervous before. It was sweet that Jeff clearly had this effect on her.

Amelia took a seat on the bed beside her son and pulled her phone from her clutch bag. The shock of seeing Bam had instantly taken her mind off the text message that she had started to open.

Just thought you should know that Bam’s gonna be at the wedding. See you soon. PJ xxx

Amelia shook her head and scoffed out loud at the message. Perfect timing PJ, if only I’d read the text before he opened the door, Amelia thought and stuffed her phone back in the bag in frustration. There was no point texting him back now.

All of a sudden there was a knock on the door and Rose came bursting in. “Sorry to interrupt but Amelia, I need a word.”

Amelia looked up at the sound of her name and raised an eyebrow at her sister. “If this has anything to do with a certain husband of mine turning up, you’re too late, as was Johnny. I already know.”

Rose gaped and tried to smooth down her dress. “Shit. I’m sorry Meels. ”

Amelia shrugged and rubbed her head, which was beginning to pound as the pain killers wore off. “Sorry for what? It’s no big deal. We’re both adults, I’m sure we can be civilised to each other for one day.”

Rose seemed to glance anxiously at Laura, as if to ask if she was really buying this. Laura shrugged and Amelia sighed. It was going to be a long day.

***

Eventually it was time to go down to the hotel’s grand hall, where the ceremony was being held. Rose had taken Brandon downstairs with her and Ryan, as Amelia would be busy with her bridesmaid duties, and Laura’s father had just arrived to walk her down the aisle. As the bridal party waited in the foyer to make their grand entrance, Amelia could feel her heart fluttering nervously. She was desperately trying to fight off memories of her own wedding and the anxiety that came with them.

Amelia and Claire walked slowly behind Laura as she started to make her way down the aisle, arm in arm with her father. The crowd was a similar size to that of Amelia’s wedding, and many of the same faces were present. She wondered what they were thinking. Did they care that her marriage had lasted all of a few months, or were they too busy gazing at the beautiful sight of Laura, floating past them like an angel.

Amelia could see Jeff standing at the far end of the hall, flanked every loyally, by Johnny. She could not help but smile at the sight of the two men in matching tuxedos. She thought she saw a smile flicker across Johnny’s lips as their eyes met, but she couldn’t be sure. Was he still pissed off with her?

After what seemed like a lifetime, they had made their way to the front of the hall and Laura’s father placed her hand in Jeff’s before taking his seat with the other guests. Claire stood to the right of Laura and Amelia stood by Johnny’s side, the left of the couple.

Amelia glanced up at Johnny, who was looking apologetic. “I’m sorry.” He mouthed.

“For what?” she whispered, while the guests were settling down, ready for the ceremony to start.

“For leaving you this morning.” He whispered back and took her hand discretely. “I’ll make it up to you later.” He squeezed her hand. Amelia simply smiled back gently and squeezed his hand back, reassuringly. She felt better than she had all morning.

After Laura and Jeff had said their vows, the wedding party made their way outside where the sun was blissfully shining. It was time for the obligatory wedding photos. Amelia was keen to talk to Johnny in private, but they spent a good half an hour posing dutifully for the photographer. The poor man it seemed had been instructed by Laura to get as many photos of as many people as he possibly could.

Johnny was behaving like a true gentleman. He and Amelia were both painfully aware that Bam would probably be watching their every move. Not wanting to provoke him, Johnny made sure that the most contact between the two of them was his hand on the small of her back as they posed for the camera.

Finally Laura and Jeff had retreated back into the hotel, so Amelia and Johnny seized the opportunity and wandered off with Brandon in tow. They made their way further into the hotel grounds and away from the last of the guests in order to find some privacy.

“I can’t believe Jeff’s married.” Johnny laughed gently, breaking the silence as they came to a halt beside a large oak tree.

“Neither can I.” Amelia agreed, hoisting Brandon up on to her hip, a faint smile playing across her lips.

“How are you feeling?” Johnny asked, changing the subject. His eyes were sparkling in the sunlight and he had a mischievous grin across his face.

“Nothing a few glasses of wine won’t fix.” She assured him with a smirk.

“I’m sorry for my disappearing act this morning.” He looked down.

“It’s ok. I figured out what happened.” She bit her lip, toying between telling him the truth and spinning the same lie that Bam had bought.

“I had no right to be upset that you had rang him.” Johnny shrugged. “It really is none of my business. I guess I just felt a little bit jealous. Yeah, I know how stupid that sounds.”

Amelia looked up at him and placed her hand on Johnny’s arm. “Don’t be silly. I forgot to lock my phone and it accidently called him from my purse.” She told him, hoping he would believe her.

“I thought as much. I’m sorry Amelia. Can we just forget this?” He looked into her eyes sincerely. “I don’t want anything to ever come between us.”

Amelia tried to ignore the horrible feeling of guilt in the pit of her stomach. “Consider it forgotten.” She smiled, hoping her face did not betray her true emotions.

“So about Bam being here...” Johnny seemed to prompt Amelia for her take on the situation.

“I’m fine about it.” She told him honestly. “I’m assuming Jeff’s already asked you to be on your best behaviour?”

Johnny nodded. “Yes, I’ve been fairly warned.”

“Good. I think we should just continue to avoid any unnecessary PDOAs.”

“Come again?” Johnny looked at her in bemusement.

“PDOAs. You know. Public displays of affection.” She explained, laughing at the look of confusion on Johnny’s face. “I mean, we’re still not officially ‘public’, despite what the magazines are saying.”

“You mean I have to keep my hands to myself today?” He translated with a pout.

“Precisely.” She smirked. “We don’t want to provoke Bam. Just consider it a challenge.”

“Oh I like those.” Johnny winked suggestively. “Do I get a prize if I complete it?”

“I’ll think about it.” She smiled seductively.

“Well do you think I could have a little encouragement? I mean, it’s going to be hard work, keeping myself from sweeping you off your feet all night.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“I suppose I could give you a little something for your trouble.” Amelia shrugged and set Brandon on the ground so she could embrace Johnny.

***

Sometime later when the traditional necessities such as dinner, speeches and the first dance were well and truly over, Amelia found herself squeezed round a table with her fellow cameramen, Dimitry, Rick, Cliver, Lance, Guch and Knate. What had originally seemed to be an unofficial production meeting had turned out into a debate surrounding a possible conspiracy under the Dickhouse roof. It was of course Rick, who was leading the discussion.

“Mark my words, they’re planning something.” Rick warned, folding his arms importantly and motioning his head towards the garden, where the ‘producers’, Jeff, Johnny, Spike, Trip and a few other unfamiliar faces were holding their own meeting, which seemed to consist of smoking expensive cigars.

“Planning what exactly Kosick?” Dimitry laughed sceptically. “They’re producers. It’s their job to plan things.”

“No you don’t get it. It’s something big. Something secret.” Rick continued, sounding slightly overdramatic. Amelia and Cliver exchanged amused glances.

“I think you need to lay off the booze Rick.” Guch laughed, knocking back his own glass of wine.

“Haha very funny.” Rick rolled his eyes at Guch, not looking impressed. “I’m being serious here guys. Why are they always holding secret meetings, speaking in hushed voices over the phone and going out for executive lunches?”

“I didn’t realise they were?” Amelia laughed gently, trying to humour Rick.

“I think Rick has too much time on his hands, spying on the bosses.” Dimitry smirked.

“So what’s your theory Rick? What are they planning?” Knate asked, trying to sound serious, but failing.

“I reckon the studios have asked for another movie.” Rick replied, taking a sip of wine and maintaining a deadly serious expression.

The others stared at him cynically, unable to believe there could be any truth to this crazy idea of Rick’s. “Why on earth would you think that?” Dimitry frowned, trying to comprehend what he had just heard.

“Look at it this way. It’s nearly four years since we did number two. There was four years between the first film and number two.”

“That’s purely a coincidence.” Cliver noted. Amelia on the other hand was distracted. She couldn’t believe that next month it would be four years since she had met the Jackass guys. Time really has a funny way of creeping up on you, she thought.

“You’re going to need more evidence than that Kosick.” Lance laughed.

“I don’t see why it’s so hard to believe. The last two films made millions.” Rick looked around the group. He was missing the point.

“Even if the studio asked, there’s no way Jeff would even consider doing another movie right now.” Dimitry shrugged. “Steve-O’s still in the process of recovering. It would be too soon.”

“A lot has changed Rick, and everyone’s moved on.” Cliver noted, attempting to put the Amelia/Bam/Johnny situation as diplomatically as possible. This did not stop the others looking at Amelia. Although it was not an accusatory look, she could not help but feel a little ganged up on.

“I’ve had an idea.” Rick’s eyes lit up after processing Cliver’s comment. “Amelia, you’re in the perfect position to do a little digging.”

The others continued to stare at Amelia. She hesitated as she tried to work out what Rick was insinuating. “You want me to spy on Johnny?” She looked at Rick incredulously.

“Spying is such a strong term.” Rick shook his head. “Think of it as taking one for the team.”