I Could Never Pretend

It was a rainy Saturday morning in LA. Johnny had left Amelia in bed early that morning. He had an important meeting with Jeff and although she knew he was working today, Amelia still felt disappointed waking up alone in her apartment on the weekend. Reluctantly she swung herself out of bed and set to work getting Brandon ready for the day. It was a miserable day, so she figured they would stay in and watch cartoons until Johnny returned. He had promised not to be long at the office and they had dinner reservations that night. Something to look forward to, Johnny had said.

Fortunately Amelia’s bad mood did not last very long, especially when she received a call from Harry. He had called to discuss the matter of divorce. Harry quickly explained to Amelia that although she had no proof that she had not cheated on Bam, the fact that she had evidence that he had cheated on her (in the form of Jenn’s photo message) was a huge advantage for them. Harry was confident about their chances of winning and told Amelia not to worry about a thing.

This was music to Amelia’s ears, so when she received another unexpected phone call, this time from Rick, asking her to meet him for coffee as soon as possible, she was both surprised and concerned, but nevertheless took him up on the offer. The prospect of coffee and adult company was somewhat more inviting than watching reruns of Brandon’s cartoons for the umpteenth time that week.

After hanging up on Rick, Amelia quickly finished the shirt she had been half way through ironing. She didn’t want to keep him waiting too long. Rick had sounded mysterious and a little edgy on the phone and he had refused to tell her what was up, insisting that she just met him as soon as she could. This was not altogether uncommon for Rick. He had a tendency to create an aura of suspense when he wanted something from someone. It was one of the only ways he could get his own way. He certainly did not possess the mythical bargaining skills of Jeff, or the southern charm and sweet talking of Johnny.

Trying not to second guess what Rick could be up to, Amelia simply packed up her hand bag before setting off with Brandon in tow. It was rare for Amelia and Rick to socialise on a one to one basis as Dimitry, Cliver or Lance were usually around in the office. She wondered if they had received a similar call.

She met Rick, who was alone, at the nearest Starbucks and was surprised to see that he had already bought her a coffee and Brandon a juice carton. She took a seat opposite him with Brandon on her knee and picked up the cup, looking at him curiously.

“Peppermint Mocha...you remembered!” she exclaimed after a hesitant sip. Despite the fact that they had worked together for nearly a year, it had taken Rick this long to finally remember her coffee order.

“I knew I’d get there eventually”, Rick grinned.

“I’m impressed”, Amelia nodded. “So what’s so important that it couldn’t wait for Monday morning?” She was keen to get straight to the point.

“Always straight to business. I like your style”, Rick complimented her.

Amelia ignored his comment and took another sip of coffee, waiting for Rick to explain himself. She was not in the mood to play games.

Rick looked a little uncomfortable now. As if he had hoped that there would be some easier way of saying what he had to. “OK. I know what you’re going to say but just hear me out, please”, he began. His voice had a desperate edge to it.

Amelia did not like the sound of this and folded her arms around Brandon as he sipped away at his juice contentedly.

“It’s about the third movie”, Rick told her after a moment of hesitation. After seeing the look of disbelief on Amelia’s face, he switched his gaze from Amelia to his coffee. “You guys didn’t believe me at the wedding and to be fair I didn’t have enough proof, but now it’s different.”

Amelia had all but forgotten about Rick’s little conspiracy theory, especially after Johnny had assured her that nothing was going on. She had to stop herself from sighing in exasperation. She didn’t want to be rude.

“Look Rick. I spoke to Johnny at New Year and he assured me that nothing was going on.” Amelia spoke calmly, taking another sip of her coffee. She was willing to believe Johnny over Rick’s delusions any day.

“I don’t doubt that for a second but hear me out would you?” Rick’s desperation was becoming even more evident. “Something weird’s happening and how else can you explain it?”

Amelia raised her eyebrow. “Ok Rick. Try me.” This had the potential to be very funny.

“Ok. “ He took a deep breath before continuing. “Take for instance, the fact that all of the guys are currently in LA.”

Amelia frowned. “What do you mean ‘all the guys’ are in LA?” More than half of the cast and crew of Jackass lived in LA as it was. This was not necessarily surprising or suspicious.

“I mean everyone Amelia.” Rick said sombrely. “Dave and Ehren, and Preston and Chris. They’ve all flown in. Did you know?”

“No.” Amelia shook her head slightly. She’d had no idea that they were in town but she was sure that Johnny would have told her if this was the case. “Are you sure?”

“I swear on my life. I ran into Dave last night and he told me that he’d just arrived from Portland.” Now it was Rick’s turn to fold his arms.

“Ok, but that doesn’t prove anything.” Amelia was not quite willing to buy into Rick’s tall tales just yet. There were plenty of reasons why Dave and the others might be in LA.

“Maybe not”, Rick conceded. “But what Dave told me does.”

“What did he tell you?” Amelia’s curiosity had finally been piqued and she found herself leaning forward.

Rick could tell he was onto something here and he tried to suppress a satisfied smile. “All Dave knew was that the guys had all been asked to come to LA and attend a meeting today.”

Amelia was beginning to feel a little bit nauseous. She wasn’t sure if it was to do with drinking coffee on an empty stomach or the fact that Rick’s story was beginning to hold some grain of truth. If the guys really were in LA for a meeting, why had Johnny not mentioned this to her?

“Where’s Knoxville today?” Rick asked after a few moments of allowing Amelia to digest this new information. He sounded as if he was innocently enquiring as to Johnny’s whereabouts, but the truth was much harder to swallow.

“He’s at the office”, Amelia muttered quietly, feeling sicker and sicker by the moment.

Rick did not say anything. He didn’t need to.

“I’m not trying to cause trouble Amelia. All I’m telling you is the facts here. I just need someone to believe me.”

Amelia nodded slightly. “I’m not saying I completely believe you, but I agree that something is going on.” She felt more than a little annoyed at Johnny for not telling her about this meeting, whatever it was. The last time she checked, she had been part of the team too.

“What’s more”, Rick added, “Is that Dimitry’s involved somehow too. I tried ringing him this morning, before I called you. He said he couldn’t meet me because he had to nip into the office.”

Rick allowed this new piece of information to hang in the air for a while.

“I don’t suppose you had planned on what to do now?” Amelia looked at Rick pointedly. She was ready to accept that there was some truth to Rick’s claims and now she needed to do something about it.

He shook his head. “I didn’t really expect you to believe me”, he admitted. “Whatever it is they’re discussing, it kind of makes you feel left out, doesn’t it? I mean, why is there so much secrecy?”

Amelia had to agree. Working for Dickhouse had always felt like being part of a family, until now that is. She wondered if Steve was involved. What about Ryan? And Bam?

They finished their coffee in silence, except for the playful noises of Brandon.

“I’m going to the office”, Amelia declared finally. She knew that she would not be able to sit and wait for Johnny to return. Not knowing the truth was going to drive her insane. “As far as I’m concerned, Johnny and Jeff are just in a meeting. I’ll pop in under the pretence of having left something in our office and see what happens.”

“We’ll make a spy out of you yet”, Rick laughed.

Rick offered to go along to the Dickhouse offices with Amelia, but she decided it would look suspicious on their part and instead opted to go with Brandon. She promised to text Rick as soon as she found anything out.

As she buckled Brandon into the child seat in the back of her car, Amelia felt another wave of nausea hit her.

Arriving in the office car park, Amelia pulled up next to Johnny’s SUV. The car park was by no means full but there were a handful of unfamiliar vehicles scattered alongside Jeff, Spike and Dimitry’s cars. This proved nothing, Amelia reminded herself, but it certainly did not bode well.

This was the easy part, thought Amelia, as she swiped her key card to get in and made her way through the office building. No one even had to know that she had been here. The hard part would be dealing with what she may or may not be about to discover. She hoped with all her heart that she and Rick were wrong and it was just one big misunderstanding, but deep down she could tell that something was not right.

Amelia walked along the third floor where most of the private offices were, including hers. She was not prepared to go on a full scale search of the building to find Johnny and the others, but if she happened to come across them here then so be it.

The office Amelia shared with Rick and Dimitry was the furthest from the elevator. Usually she found this annoying but today it was more than convenient. It was perfect as it meant she would walk past everyone else’s offices as well as the staffroom and conference rooms.

With every foot step Amelia could feel her heart beat faster and faster. The whole situation was faintly ridiculous but she couldn’t shake the tension and suspense that she was currently experiencing as she and Brandon slowly made their way down the corridor. She glanced in Johnny’s office, which had been left wide open but was currently empty. His bag and jacket had been discarded on his desk. He was definitely here.

So far Amelia had heard nothing to suggest that a meeting was taking place, but she had not even covered half of the floor yet. She was extremely glad at this moment in time for being blessed with such a quiet child. Brandon seemed to understand the need for silence and had not made so much as a peep since entering the building.

Both Amelia’s heart and mind were racing, but there was no point rehearsing what she was going to say. After all, she had no idea what she was going to find. As she drew closer to the second and largest conference room, Amelia could finally hear voices. She stopped dead in her tracks.

Amelia felt a lump form in her throat. The voices sounded familiar but her head was swimming and she could not focus on what they were saying from this distance. She could see the window to the conference room and the blinds had been partly drawn so she edged closer with Brandon still securely in her arms.

The door to the conference room had been left ajar, which was why Amelia was able to hear the voices so clearly. She tiptoed as close to the window as she dared. From this safe distance the conversation was clear but she could not see into the room and therefore whoever was inside could not see her. Amelia stood as still and as silent as possible. She did not want to get caught eavesdropping, but she needed to know what was going on.

Inside the room, tempers were running high. The meeting, if you could call it that, had already been in session for half an hour, but no progress had been made. Around the table sat two Paramount studio executives, Johnny, Jeff, Spike, Trip and a handful of Jackass’ other producers. They were joined by the entire cast (including Bam) and a selection of the crew. Dimitry, Cordell and Cliver to be precise.

Jeff had welcomed everyone and explained why they were here, to those who did not already know. The matter at hand, of course, was whether or not there was going to be another Jackass film. This came as a surprise to most of the cast and crew and right from the get go there had been a lively and not necessarily friendly debate.

Johnny had stayed out of the discussion for the most part, giving his opinion only when asked. He felt bad that Amelia was not here and not looking forward to the time when their relationship would be called into question.

Bam also had been quiet. In fact, he had barely spoken a word since his arrival and seemed altogether disinterested in the conversation and quite frankly bored. As far as he was concerned the future of Jackass depended entirely on whether or not Knoxville was prepared to accept his deal. The time was soon approaching when Bam would have to remind his rival of this fact and he was looking forward to it.

Listening to the conversation, Amelia soon realised that Rick had been right. The producers really were considering making another movie. She felt her knees go weak with the realisation that Johnny had been lying to her. Johnny. The one man she had been so sure she could trust. She had not yet heard his voice but she knew he was there. She was going nowhere until she had heard him speak.

For Amelia, all of the other voices seemed to blur into one as eventually the cast members came around to the idea. The initial shock had worn off and now the prospect of making another movie had filled nearly everyone with excitement. Everyone that is, except Steve, Johnny and Bam. The three men had not yet given their answer and Amelia started to tune in again when she heard Steve speak.

“I’m all for doing another movie man, but you’re forgetting that so much shit has gone on. I’m not mentioning names here but there are certain people you need to take into consideration and think how it’s going to affect them.”

This was the first time that Amelia had heard Steve speak so cautiously.

Johnny noticed that Steve avoided making eye contact with anyone while he spoke, but it was obvious he was talking about Amelia, Bam and himself. Up until now, no one had mentioned this issue, predominantly because Johnny and Bam themselves had not yet said anything. Johnny had known all along that it was inevitable and he was thankful that Steve had been the one to bring it up.

“Thank you for your subtlety Steve”, Jeff acknowledged. He had taken it upon himself to chair the meeting due to Johnny’s apparent loss of voice. “I think everyone here is aware of what Steve is talking about.” Jeff glanced at Johnny and then at Bam for added effect.

There was a murmur of agreement around the table. A sudden air of awkwardness had fallen and the spotlight was now on Johnny and Bam. Until this moment Johnny had always loved to be the centre of attention, but right now he wished the ground would swallow him up and take him far away. For the first time in his life he was lost for words, there was nothing he could say, for he feared how Bam would respond.

The focus of the entire room was on the two men and after an intense and painful silence it was Bam who was first to speak.

“As far as I’m concerned, the ball, so to speak, is in Knoxville’s court”, Bam announced, rather smugly. “We’ve spoken already, at Jeff’s wedding in fact, and he knows exactly how I feel about the situation. I’m still waiting to see if he’ll accept my... offer, shall we say. Perhaps he’ll let us all know today.”