I Could Never Pretend

Every muscle in Amelia’s body tensed up as she listened to Bam’s ever so familiar voice. All the while she was wondering what the hell he was on about. Johnny and Bam had gotten into a fight at Jeff’s wedding that much she was aware of, but Johnny had never mentioned Bam making an offer of any kind. It didn’t take long for Amelia to realise that Johnny could well have lied about that too and it made her feel like throwing up.

Inside the conference room, all eyes were on Johnny. If the ground really was going to swallow him up he hoped it would happen sooner rather than later.

“What do you mean by offer Bam?” Jeff asked the question that was on everyone’s lips. The room was uncomfortably silent.

“Yes Knoxville, what do I mean by offer?” Bam glared at Johnny. Even from outside the room Amelia could tell that his voice was dripping with malice.

“I thought that was just the drink talking Bam”, Johnny shrugged, the first words he had said all meeting. His attempt to appear casual and unflustered was hindered by the uncertainty in his voice. Johnny knew full well that Bam’s offer was not just a result of ‘the drink talking’ but he really didn’t want to face up to this. If Amelia found out she was going to be pretty damn pissed and very upset.

“Come on Knoxville. Why not share our little secret with everyone here? Tell them what the deal is”, Bam gloated.

Amelia didn’t want to keep listening but she couldn’t move from her spot. She was terrified by what she might hear, yet at the same time she needed to know. She held Brandon tighter in her arms.

Johnny shot Bam a warning look, which was not missed by others in the room, especially Jeff.

Bam however, was not put off. “You don’t want to tell them? Fine. I will.”

“Bam, come on...” Johnny tried to stop him but it was no use.

Bam was grinning now. In his mind he was winning this little game. “Our deal is that I will happily be part of the next movie and I’ll even drop my custody case, on one condition.” He seemed to pause for dramatic effect. “That he ends whatever is going on between him and my wife.”

Amelia’s knees finally gave way and she nearly dropped to the floor. Her whole world was crashing down around her. She struggled to straighten herself up under the weight of Brandon and the revelation of Johnny’s betrayal. Tears sprang to Amelia’s eyes and all she could hear now was her heart pounding away in her chest.

Inside the room you could hear a pin drop. Nobody quite knew what to say. Jeff looked from Bam to Johnny, waiting for someone to break the silence. He could tell from the look on Johnny’s face that what Bam had said was true. While he was appalled by Bam’s offer, he was even more shocked that Johnny had not said anything to him.

“PJ?” Jeff stared at his friend. “Why didn’t you mention this before?”

Amelia choked back tears. Her son was becoming restless as he picked up on his mother’s distress and Brandon’s cries had not gone unnoticed. To Amelia’s horror the blinds were parted before she had even chance to move. She found herself face to face with Chris who had obviously been sitting closest to her spot. His eyes widened in surprise and he pulled away quickly.

Amelia panicked. She could not trust Chris not to say anything. In fact she was sure he would tell everyone what he had seen. Instinctively she did the first thing that came to mind. She ran.

Back inside the room, Bam’s revelation still had not yet had chance to sink in. “What was that?” Jeff asked sharply before Johnny had chance to reply. They had all heard the muffled noise from outside the room. It sounded strangely like a child’s cry. Chris, being closest, had peaked through the blinds and he was now backing up slowly.

Johnny was getting ready to defend himself. He had made a mistake by not being straight with Jeff but it wasn’t as if he was going to take Bam up on the offer.

Chris returned from the window and the attention of the room was now fixed on him. His face was a mixture of shock and fear. “Erm, I don’t really know how to break it to you guys, but Amelia was just outside.”

***

Amelia ran as fast as her legs could carry her and she made it safely into the car park before she dared to look back. The coast was clear so she fastened Brandon into the child seat quickly and climbed into the front of the car, trying to catch her breath. She had not yet fully processed the information she had just received. She couldn’t bear to bring herself to think about it.

Before starting the engine she felt she had better send a brief text to Rick, letting him know he had been right all along. Not that it mattered much anymore.

Amelia put her phone away and took a deep breath. Now was not the time to let her emotions run wild. It was important that she stayed strong for her son. She wasn’t sure where she was going to go. All she knew was that she had to get away, far away.

“Amelia!”

A familiar voice was shouting her from across the car park. She didn’t need to look up to know that it was Johnny. Her stomach somersaulted. She really didn’t want to see him right now, let alone speak to him.

Unfortunately he was sprinting towards the car and he threw himself at the door before she could pull off. “Amelia, wait!” he begged her through the open window. He tried to open the door but she had managed to lock it in time.

“Why should I?” She stared past him, unable to bring herself to make eye contact with the man that had betrayed her. She could see other familiar faces appearing from the building. Steve, Jeff, Ryan, and Bam. She had no intention of waiting for Johnny, or anyone else for that matter.

“You need to let me explain”, Johnny exclaimed as the others drew closer. He tried to ignore them. The last thing he wanted was an audience.

“I think I’ve heard all I need to Johnny”, Amelia replied bluntly, still not able to look him in the eye. The tears that had threatened to fall in the office had now disappeared and Amelia was filled with anger at the sight of his face.

“What did you hear?” he cried. He could only imagine how much of the conversation she had heard, but judging from Amelia’s expression she had heard too much.

Although Amelia could see his eyes were filling with tears she didn’t care. As far as she was concerned he could cry all he wanted. “Enough”, she replied simply before putting her foot on the gas and speeding off into the distance.

***

The apartment was the first place that Johnny, or anyone else who wanted to find her, would think to look, but Amelia had to face the facts. She had nowhere else to go, or at least not in a hurry anyway. The best she could do was to lock the door and hope that no one would come calling. She needed to be alone.

In the mean time however, Amelia had a screaming little boy to contend with. Brandon had not stopped crying since they had left the office and she couldn’t blame him. All she wanted to do was cry but somehow she found herself unable to. She was seeing red. She tried to distract herself from her anger by consoling Brandon.

“I’m sorry baby”, Amelia cooed, trying to calm him down but it was no use. She felt just as horrible as he did and she was sure that the little boy was picking up on it.

She glanced at her phone, which was now lying beside her on the bed. Besides the dozens of missed calls she had received from Johnny, Steve had also tried ringing her but she could not bring herself to speak to him either. Hearing them all in the meeting had made her feel as if she was the butt of some sick joke.

Brandon finally stopped crying as she cradled him in her arms. Amelia bent her head and buried her face in her son’s curly locks. He was the only man she would ever be able to trust.

Bam’s behaviour had not surprised Amelia in the slightest. She had come to expect something like this from him. Johnny, however, was a different story. He was the man she loved and thought that she could trust. Why would he keep something like this a secret from her? Once again it seemed she had been blind and stupid.

***

Johnny was beside himself as he sat on the steps outside the office with his head in his hands. He had known all along that nothing good would come from lying to Amelia and now it had caught up with him and he only had himself to blame.

“Why didn’t I tell her straight away!?” Johnny moaned. “I’m such a fucking idiot.”

Jeff stood over him feeling pretty sorry for his friend. He had adjourned the meeting for the day and the rest of the cast and crew had gone home or to their hotels to await further instruction. At the back of his mind Jeff had an inkling that Bam and Johnny would come to blows today but he could never have imagined anything like this. It was like a scene from a bad movie.

Jeff was pissed with Bam for this little stunt, and with Johnny for not confiding in him, but now was not the time to turn on his friend.

“I don’t really know what to say dude”, Jeff admitted. Johnny had managed to explain to Jeff that he’d never agreed to anything with Bam but that was of little importance now. Explaining to Amelia was going to be a whole lot harder. Johnny was in a mess and there was no doubt about it.

Johnny remained quiet for a while, until finally he stood up. “I need to talk to her”, he told Jeff. “I need to explain everything.”

“You want a ride?” Jeff offered. He wasn’t sure if Johnny was in any state to be driving.

Johnny shook his head and without another word he made his way to his car.

He arrived outside Amelia’s apartment block in record time. Speed limits and traffic lights didn’t seem important anymore. The only thing that mattered to Johnny now was getting Amelia back. Getting into her building was easy. He knew the code. Getting Amelia to let him into her apartment was not going to be so easy.

From inside Amelia’s apartment she heard footsteps approaching the door. Having only just managed to get Brandon to settle she held her breath, hoping that whoever was outside was not intending to pay her a visit.

To her frustration there was a knock on the door. As far as she was aware, Johnny was the only person who knew the code to her block.

“Amelia I need to talk to you.”

Hearing his voice through the door, Amelia felt queasy. This was the very same voice that this morning would have sent shivers down her spine. Now Johnny’s voice made her shake with rage. She stayed very silent, hoping he would go away.

Johnny banged on the door a little harder this time. He was nothing if not resilient.

“Come on Amelia I know you’re in there. I’ve seen your car in the yard. Please let me in. I can explain.”

There was still no response so Johnny was forced to dig into his pocket and pull out his keys. It was fortunate that he had a spare key to Amelia’s apartment. He realised that by letting himself in he would be intruding on her privacy and would only upset her more, but he needed know that she was ok. He would never forgive himself if something happened to her.

Amelia was standing, arms crossed, in the doorway between her bedroom and the hallway. As soon as she saw the lock turn she straightened herself up, ready to confront him.

“Get out!” She demanded before he had even fully opened the door.

“Amelia I...” he started to explain himself as he stepped inside.

“I said get out Johnny”, Amelia shouted. Her raised voice had woken Brandon up and he began crying again.

“Please just let me explain myself”, he begged, taking a few steps towards her.

Amelia had no intention of listening to what Johnny had to say. He had hurt her more than she thought possible. However, if she let him have his say, perhaps he would go away. She retreated to the bedroom where she had left Brandon, locking the door behind her. He could have his say but she wasn’t going to stand there and look at him.

“Say what you have to and then get out”, she shouted from the bedroom. Brandon was safely back in her arms and she tried to sooth him once again.

“Amelia is this really necessary?” Johnny asked looking at the locked door in front of him.

“Was lying to me and betraying my trust really necessary?” Amelia retorted.

From the tone of her voice, Johnny could tell that Amelia was far angrier than she was upset. He had never had to deal with an angry Amelia before. He wasn’t sure how to approach this situation.

“I’m sorry for lying about the film. I was just trying to protect you.” Once step at a time, he told himself.

Amelia heard him sit down on the other side of the door. “I don’t give a shit about your stupid little film Johnny and I don’t need you to protect me”, was her response.

Johnny took a deep breath. That was only to be expected.

“I’m sorry Amelia. I made a mistake with the whole Bam thing. I know I should have told you about it. I just thought...”

Amelia cut him off. “Well you thought wrong didn’t you. I can’t believe you would do something like this. I thought I could trust you.”

“It’s not like I agreed to his offer Amelia, you have to believe me.” The desperation in his voice was clear, even through the wooden door.

“Whether you agreed to it or not, it doesn’t make a difference. You still betrayed me.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought if I told you it would just make matters worse. You’ve had enough on your plate as it is.”

Amelia had no time for his pathetic excuses. “Even so, don’t you think I had a right to know about this ‘offer’. I mean, the whole point of the deal was over my life wasn’t it?”

This was what had hurt Amelia the most, the fact that Johnny had kept Bam’s offer from her when it had the potential to affect both her and her son’s life.

“What if I was scared that you’d want to take up his offer? That you’d leave me?”

Amelia felt another lump rise in her throat. How could he think that she would actually agree with Bam’s deal? “Well that just shows how little you know and trust me Johnny.”

“Amelia. Come on. Let’s not make a big deal out of this”, Johnny pleaded, knocking on the bedroom door. “We’re stronger than this right? We can work this out.”

“Don’t you realise Johnny? After what Bam did to me, I never thought I’d be able to trust again and you’ve proved me right. I thought you were different but you’re just like the rest. So I apologise if I’m making a ‘big deal’ out of this, but how can we ever go back to the way we were before?”

Johnny didn’t know what to say. Amelia was completely right. It didn’t matter what he had lied about and what he had kept from her. The point was that he had done it at all and he had ruined everything.

Either side of the door they sat in silence for several minutes. Johnny was trying to digest what Amelia had said and Amelia was trying not to cry. She closed her eyes and concentrated her mind on Brandon who was now sitting quietly in her arms, wondering what was going on. As each second went by the realisation of what Johnny had done was sinking in further. He had ruined everything.

After the most painful five minutes of both their lives Johnny finally spoke up.

“I need to go and pick Madison up but I’ll be straight back. We need to talk this through.”

Amelia found she had neither the strength nor the inclination to reply.