I Could Never Pretend

Bam could hear sirens and the scent of burning rubber filled the air. A sharp stabbing pain in his left arm helped bring him to his senses. His eyes flickered open and through the darkness he could just about make out the sidewalk he was lying on. Ambulance and cop car sirens were flashing continuously in the surrounding area. As he tried to sit up he realised a paramedic was standing over him.

“Sir? Can you hear me sir? You’ve been in an accident.”

Bam gave up trying to sit up. His head felt too heavy and a dull pounding reminded him how much he’d had to drink.

“What’s going on?” he croaked, blinking to take in his surroundings. A few metres away he saw two upturned cars and a smashed up lorry. His stomach churned and he thought he was going to be sick. He knew he hadn’t been driving.

“You’ve been in an accident. We need to take you to the hospital”, the paramedic told him calmly.

Bam looked up at the woman talking to him. An accident? The last thing he could remember was leaving the hotel and driving after Amelia in a taxi. Oh God, it all started to come back to him.

“Amelia! Where’s my wife?”

This time Bam managed to sit up, despite the pain is body was in. It was nothing compared to the pain he felt, not knowing where Amelia was.

“There were no other passengers in your taxi sir, just you and the driver...”

“No! The taxi in front of us. My wife and son were in it, where are they? Are they ok?”

“The passengers in the other vehicle have been taken to the hospital already sir.”

“I need to see them”, Bam demanded, staggering to his feet, despite the pleas of the paramedic to stay still.

“I understand”, she told him gently. “Let’s get you in the ambulance and I’ll help you find them, Mr...”

“Bam, just call me Bam”, he replied quickly, already starting to walk towards the ambulance.

The paramedic hurried after Bam, helping him into the ambulance and trying to make him comfortable.

“What happened?” he asked the woman, whose name badge read ‘Melissa’, as he sat down and rubbed his head. The pain was getting worse with the stress of the situation.

“The witnesses we spoke to said that the vehicle in front of yours was hit by an oncoming lorry”, Melissa grimaced. “The driver seemed to have lost control and he swerved into your wife’s taxi. Your driver managed to brake just in time to avoid the lorry, but the car still tipped over. You are a very lucky man.”

Lucky? Bam scoffed to himself. He was anything but lucky.

“Oh God, what have I done!?” he exclaimed, tears streaking down his cheeks.

“It’s not your fault”, Melissa touched his shoulder.

“It is. It’s all my fault. If it wasn’t for me they would never have been in that taxi”, he sobbed, throwing his head in his hands and fighting to ignore the pain in his arm. Despite everything that had happened between Amelia and him, he still loved her irrevocably. If anything should happen to her or their son, he didn’t know how he’d be able to live with himself.

The ride to the hospital was the longest fifteen minutes of Bam’s life. Melissa confirmed his suspicion that he’d broken his arm and was probably suffering from a minor concussion. She’d expertly patched up a nasty cut across his forehead by the time they arrived at the hospital. As soon as they arrived at the accident and emergency department, Bam jumped out of the ambulance, ignoring his faint dizziness and ran into the reception desk before Melissa could catch up with him.

“My wife, Amelia Margera...Jones... she was just brought in...” he panted at the receptionist, who was staring in horror at his bloodstained t-shirt.

“Sir...” she began, but before she could finish her sentence, Melissa had intercepted Bam and was steering him in the direction of a cubicle.

“Bam, you need to see a doctor”, she told him firmly, ignoring his protests. “I’ll go and find out about your family while you get checked over.”

A doctor appeared almost immediately and insisted on stitching his head wound and giving him a CT scan before anything else. Bam couldn’t care less about his own condition, he was only concerned with finding out about Amelia and Brandon and he was sure to tell this to any medical professional who would listen to him. Melissa and the doctor however, were adamant that he was going nowhere.

“Bam, please let the doctor treat you. I’ll be right back”, Melissa promised and with that she had disappeared.

The doctor had just started to stitch his forehead when Melissa reappeared from behind the curtains. Bam jumped at the sound of his name, causing the doctor to lose concentration and accidently jab his own finger with the needle. Bam ignored his yelp and looked at Melissa anxiously.

“Well?”

“I’ve spoken to someone. Your son is fine, the seatbelt saved his life”, she told him and Bam breathed a huge sigh of relief. “He’s suffering from a bit of shock so they’ve sedated him until someone can be with him.”

Bam nodded his understanding. “Thank God. And Amelia?”

“I’m afraid it’s not good news.” Melissa broke eye contact with Bam and the colour drained from his face.

“Your wife’s in a bad way. She’s been taken straight into surgery. She suffered a really bad head injury and they need to remove a blood clot from her brain.”

“I need to see her”, Bam demanded. He could not process what this woman was telling him. All he knew was that he had to see Amelia and make everything right between them.

“Bam. You can’t. She’s in surgery.”

“Is she going to be ok?” he sobbed, as the reality of the situation dawned on him.

“I’m really sorry Bam, I don’t know...”

***

It had been a painful half an hour, but between the two of them, Melissa and the doctor had managed to finish stitching up Bam’s head and had forced him through the CT scan. There was nothing anyone could do until Amelia was out of surgery and Brandon was going to be fine, so it stood to reason that Bam should get himself patched up. He was no good to anyone in his current state.

Melissa was supposed to have finished her shift almost an hour ago, but she had insisted on staying with Bam and making sure he was ok. In that time, Bam had literally told her everything about the past three years of his life. The poor woman.

“Is there anyone you want me to call?” asked Melissa, as Bam was having his arm put into a cast.

Bam’s mind went blank. He couldn’t think of anything but Amelia lying there, fighting for her life.

“Um...” he hesitated. Who was he supposed to call? Everyone in LA hated him. Scratch that, everyone in the world hated him. “I don’t know”, he shrugged.

“Come on Bam, what about your parents? Amelia’s parents...”

“Yeah, can you ring them?” he mumbled. It was a start, and right now, April was really the only person he wanted to see.

“I’ll get right onto it”, she smiled, reassuringly. “Then we’ll go and see your son.”

Bam attempted to smile back, but it was too painful. “Thanks. You don’t have to stay for me, I’m sure I can take care of myself.”

Melissa laughed. “Somehow I doubt that. I’ve read your records Margera.”

Bam offered an apologetic smile as she walked off. He wasn’t used to kindness like this. He’d successfully alienated everyone else in his life, so it was unusual to be given the time of day, let alone having genuinely friendly company. He’d definitely fucked things up this time, that was for sure. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t the one driving them lorry. It was his actions that had sent Amelia running and he would never be able to forgive himself. What would everyone say?

Melissa returned momentarily, waking Bam from his thoughts. “Your parents are on the next flight to LA”, she smiled. “I assured them that you’re ok, but your mother insisted on coming to see you straight away. I couldn’t get hold of Mr and Mrs Jones though, probably because of the time difference. I’ve asked Marie on reception to keep trying.”

Bam rubbed his head with his good arm. “Her sister lives here”, he sighed. Rose was definitely one of the last people he wanted to see right now, but he knew that when Amelia woke up she would need her family there.

“I’ll try her”, Melissa nodded. “Anyone else?”

Bam hesitated for a moment, wrestling with his conscience. No matter what negative feelings he might have towards the man, he could hardly keep something like this from him. It wouldn’t be fair on anyone.

“Yeah”. He pulled out the cell phone from his pocket, surprised to see that it was still in one piece. “PJ Clapp. He should be here.”

***

Brandon was on the children’s ward, which while understandable, was somewhat inconvenient, because Bam wanted to be there for Amelia too, but the surgery theatres were two floors away. Brandon was now wide awake and seemed perfectly fine, but Bam was struggling to connect with him, he was too worried about Amelia and the little boy was continuously asking for his mother. Bam didn’t know what to say; he wasn’t a good parent at all.

The only thing he could do was sit with Brandon and wait for some news on Amelia. Surely they must know something by now? She’d been in there for nearly two hours. What was taking them so long? It couldn’t be good news, could it? Bam hated hospitals, which was hardly surprising given the amount of times he ended up in them and despite the amount of damage he’d done to his own body over the years, he still had no knowledge of anything medically related. He was a fish out of water.

Bam had managed to persuade Melissa to go home, he didn’t deserve her kindness, but now he felt incredibly alone. April and Phil wouldn’t be here for another eight hours or so and he could do without seeing Rose. She would be quick to place the blame on Bam, which was only what he deserved, but he didn’t want to hear it from anyone else right now.

Bam waited until Brandon had drifted back to sleep before he got up and made his way out of the hospital. He was restless and craving a cigarette so badly. The doctor had advised him to take it easy and not to walk around for long periods of time but he was sick of sitting around anxiously. He needed to do something to try and take his mind off the situation; as if that would happen.

Bam had just reached the hospital exit when a figure hurtled into him through the automatic doors, barging into his broken arm and nearly sending him flying.

“Hey, watch it asshole!” Bam yelled, rubbing his arm in agony.

“Bam!?” A familiar voice called out from behind him.

Bam turned around to face the man who had just run into him and he jumped in surprise. “Knoxville!”

He’d known Johnny would be on his way, but he’d been quicker than he could have expected. Johnny looked almost as worse for wear as Bam. His eyes were bloodshot, his chin was covered in stubble and he stank of alcohol. He took one look at Bam’s arm and his face dropped. “Shit dude, I’m sorry! What happened to you?”

Bam shrugged it off, preparing himself for the shit storm that was about to follow.

“What’s going on Bam?” Johnny frowned. ”I got a call saying there’d been an accident and that I should come here straight away...”

“You better have one of these”, Bam said, offering Johnny a cigarette from his packet.

“Bam! What the hell has happened? Where’s Amelia? Was she with you?” Johnny demanded, but he followed Bam back outside nonetheless.

After lighting their cigarettes away from the hospital entrance, Bam proceeded to tell Johnny what had happened, providing minimal detail on the lead up to Amelia getting into the taxi. Luckily that was the last thing on Johnny’s mind, but Bam wasn’t sure why he’d been so keen to spare the man’s feelings. He could have easily told him about the kiss if he’d wanted to.

“I need to see her!” Johnny exclaimed, stubbing out his cigarette quickly.

Bam grabbed him by the arm. “She’s still in surgery. They don’t know when she’ll be out.”

“How bad is it?” Johnny stared at Bam with tears in his eyes.

“It’s bad PJ.” Bam watched awkwardly as Johnny sank to the ground with his head in his hands.

“What have I done?” Johnny cried.

“What have we done”, Bam corrected him.