I Could Never Pretend

“Alright, I know why you’re here.” Bam shrugged as he walked over to his wife. There was no point in beating around the bush.

“Are you for real?” Amelia asked as calmly as possible, staring at Bam. She found being back at Castle Bam and standing face to face with her husband after all this time a strange sensation indeed. It seemed like only five minutes ago they had been kissing and cuddling on this very decking and now they were fighting over their child and marriage.

“I could ask you the same question. Why did you bring him?” Bam motioned towards Johnny who had remained quietly in his seat. Dico on the other hand, had made a sharp and discreet exit from the scene.

“Johnny has nothing to do with this. I’m asking you why you feel the need to have sole custody of our son. What makes you think you have any right?” She demanded looking directly into Bam’s eyes. He had dark circles underneath them and she thought he looked ill, or maybe just tired. He had probably had one too many late nights and he wasn’t as young as he used to be. His days of partying must be catching up with him.

“He’s my son and I can give him a better life than you can.” Bam told her, his face contorted into a frown as kept glancing over at Johnny. “I know you’ve come here to try and change my mind but there’s no point. If you think you can just up sticks and fly across the country to let him bring up my son you’re mistaken.” He pointed an accusatory finger at Johnny.

“Don’t make me laugh Bam. No judge in their right mind would award you custody. Look at you. You’re a mess.” Amelia shook her head, fighting to keep calm. If she flew off the handle then Bam had won. She was sure that at least seventy five percent of Bam’s plans were simply to wind her up, but she refused to give him the satisfaction. “Where have you been for the past seven months? You didn’t seem bothered about your son until now.”

Bam knew that this was a very good question and one that he would have to answer if he was going to win his case, but for now he chose to ignore it. “Why did you bother coming here Amelia? I thought I told you not to come back. Have you just come to flaunt lover boy in my face?” There was not the slightest trace of emotion on his face, which frustrated Amelia.

“I’m asking myself that very question Bam. I thought maybe I would be able to talk to you but I can see you’re just going to be impossible. While I’m here you won’t mind if I collect the rest of my belongings.” Amelia replied diplomatically. “Of course,” she added before walking away, “that’s if you’ve not given them away to your whores.” And with that she turned on her heel and walked inside the house, leaving Bam and Johnny alone.

When she was safely within the house Amelia collapsed on the nearest sofa and let out a deep breath hoping no one had followed her. It had taken all her strength to remain composed and now all she wanted to do was to scream, shout and throw stuff around. Leaving Bam and Johnny together was a bad idea but she needed to be alone for a while. Once she had caught her breath she stood up, intending to make her way up to the bedroom but she found herself stricken by nerves. She didn’t actually want to step foot in that room. She could only imagine how many different women had slept in that bed since she had left, or maybe even while she was still living there. The thought made her feel nauseous but she needed to get her stuff back. April had only been able to bring so much with her when she had flown over with Brandon.

Hesitantly Amelia entered the room and was surprised to see it was pretty much in the same state as when she had left. Bam’s clothes were strewn across the floor but on first glance there was no sign of any female underwear, or indeed any sign that a woman had been there. She went straight to the wardrobe, pulling out the remaining items of clothing that had been left and folded them neatly on the bed before stuffing them into an overnight bag. She did the same with the drawers and the jewellery and makeup, finding it quite strange that everything was exactly as she had left it seven months ago. What surprised Amelia the most however, was the fact that the photograph of her, Bam and Brandon was still in its original position on the bedside table. She wasn’t sure why it bothered her so much that Bam had kept it there. For all she knew he didn’t use this bedroom anymore. That would explain why nothing had changed, she reasoned and put any doubts to the back of her mind. Once she had packed all of her things she sat down on the bed for the final time and pulled a small package from her jean’s pocket.

Inside the tissue paper she had delicately wrapped the necklace that Bam had bought her for their first Christmas together. She didn’t wear it anymore as it brought back too many painful memories, but it would not feel right to simply throw it away. She had intended to give it back to Bam at some point or other, but rather than deal with him any further she slipped the necklace out of the tissue and placed it gently on the bedside table so that he would see it if he ever decided to enter the room again.

Back out on the decking Johnny and Bam were watching one another like hawks, waiting for the other to make the first move. Johnny knew that Bam would crack first. He did not have patience like his older rival.

“You can wipe that smirk off your face Knoxville. You’ve not won anything. You’re welcome to her in my opinion.”

Johnny suppressed his laughter. He had been spot on and now the temptation to respond was too much to resist. “This isn’t a game you know Bam.”

“Who said it was? You seem to be enjoying yourself though.”

“The only reason I’m here is to give Amelia moral support. I don’t want to fight you dude.” Johnny held up his hands.

“I’m sure that’s not all you’re giving her.” Bam scoffed and lit a cigarette.

“Like I said Bam, I don’t see why the two of us have to fall out about this.” Johnny pulled a packet of cigarettes from Amelia’s hand bag that was lying on the table and lit himself one. At the back of his mind he was thinking about what Jeff had said regarding a third movie. There was no harm in a little damage limitation while he was here.

“Whatever dude, I’m not interested. As far as I’m concerned we’re through. That goes for the whole Jackass thing. I don’t need it.”

Johnny exhaled a large cloud of smoke. This was exactly how he had hoped Bam would not react. Maybe it was a little early for an attempt at reconciliation. Time was a healer after all. “Ok, have it your way Bam. No one wants to fight you. Just because you and Amelia have split up doesn’t mean it has to cause a rift or anything.”

“No you’re right. But the moment you jumped into bed with her caused a fucking earthquake if you catch my drift.”

Johnny could hardly blame Bam for being angry but he had certainly got the wrong idea. He knew nothing about the relationship between Amelia and Johnny but even if he did, it still probably wouldn’t change his mind. “There is nothing going on between us dude.” Johnny lied through his teeth.

“Yeah right.” Bam shook his head. “You’re such an asshole Knoxville, but I can see right through you. You think that pretty face of yours entitles you to do whatever you want to whoever you want, but I’ve got news for you bro. You’re a nobody, just like everyone else.” Johnny really had some nerve coming here and trying to pretend that nothing was going on with Amelia. Did he think Bam was that stupid?

“Oh Brandon, when will you grow up. You’re just paranoid because she left you and you can’t accept the fact that it was all your fault, not that she found a better model. Does it help you sleep at night imagining her in bed with me? ” Johnny realised he had over stepped the mark when Bam suddenly began to make his way over with a murderous rage in his eyes.

Johnny jumped to his feet, prepared to pull the first punch if he needed to, but at that very moment Amelia reappeared in the doorway with her bags in one hand and a phone in the other. “If either of you makes another move I’m calling the cops.” She looked pointedly at Johnny, hoping he would back down first. She could not cope with them brawling right now; she just wanted to get away from Castle Bam.

Johnny looked at her apologetically and sat back down in his chair like a scolded puppy and Bam remained in his place, still staring at Johnny with hatred. Amelia shook her head in exasperation and started to make her way round to the front of the house, not bothering to see if Bam or Johnny were following. Dico was waiting for her at the car and gave her a brief hug before leaving himself and promising to keep in touch. By the time he had disappeared into the distance, Johnny and Bam were standing by the rental car, as far away from one another as possible.

“I won’t bother you again Bam. I can see what a busy man you are these days, but you can expect to hear from my solicitor in the next few days.” She told Bam as Johnny helped her pile her things into the car. Bam did not reply and Amelia and Johnny climbed into the car without another word.

***

After filming the final scenes for the show everyone had piled into the cars and headed back to Castle Bam for celebratory drinks. In Rose’s opinion it was more like consolation drinks. Since Raab and Rake had left the output and creativity of Viva La Bam had reached an all time low and she was amazed that they had been able to complete all of the episodes. Ryan seemed quietly excited as he started driving back. He had been acting suspicious lately and Rose was curious to find out the reason behind it.

“Where are we going?” she asked her boyfriend when all of a sudden he drove past the turning for Castle Bam.

“It’s a surprise.” Ryan grinned mischievously, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.
Rose eyed him cautiously. She was not a fan of surprises, especially not today of all days. She was feeling a little nervous as she had finally decided to talk to Ryan about her job offers. She wanted to see what he thought she should do. As tempted as she was to move to LA, she didn’t really want to be that far away from Ryan and she wasn’t sure if their relationship could stand any more distance. It had been nice to spend the whole summer with him, even if it had meant such close contact with her idiot of a brother in law.

After a twenty minute drive, Ryan pulled up outside a big detached house that was surrounded by trees and had a long gravel driveway. Ryan switched off the engine and stared at Rose, waiting for her to say something. He hoped she liked the property as much as he did. It was a lot smaller than Castle Bam but it had plenty of land and above all else, privacy. What made it even better was the fact that it was well within his price range so he could easily afford any necessary renovations.

“What do you think?” Ryan asked, still grinning at Rose in anticipation.

“What do I think about what?” she laughed at his childlike expression and looked up at the impressive building before her.

“The house. I was thinking of buying it.” He replied casually in an attempt to provoke a reaction out of her.

Rose’s eyes widened. This really was a surprise. “You want to buy it!?” she repeated and continued to stare at the house.

“Yup.” Ryan laughed at her reaction, it was exactly as he had expected. “You wanna look inside?” He opened the car door.

“Sure.” She smiled excitedly and followed him out of the car and up to the front door. Rose loved looking round houses. She was generally a very nosy person and could not help herself.

Ryan was swinging a set of keys around his index finger as he came to a halt at the door. “It belongs to a friend of mine who’s moving to New York. He said he’d give me a discount.” He explained, turning the key in the lock.

“Nice.” Rose grinned and proceeded to follow Ryan on a tour of the house. She did know what came as more of a shock, the fact that Ryan wanted to leave Castle Bam or the fact that the house was so nice.

“So do you like it?” he asked once they had come full circle.

Rose walked out to the back garden and took a seat on the wall. The house truly was beautiful. It had four ensuite bedrooms and two bathrooms, a swimming pool and acres upon acres of land. Rose loved it and she told Ryan so. If he was planning on buying a place of his own, this place in fact, it would change everything. Rose thought she could quite happily take the job in West Chester if she was to live far away enough from Bam. After the way he had treated her sister, Rose could not stand to be anywhere near the man and she hated being a guest in his house. Thankfully he tended to ignore her presence most of the time but it did not stop her feeling uncomfortable around him. It was almost as if she was betraying Amelia by staying there and she hated it.

“If I buy it, will you move in with me?” Ryan smiled nervously, secretly crossing his fingers behind his back. He was absolutely crazy about Rose and he was finally ready to make a commitment to her. He was fed up with Bam’s behaviour and it felt like the right time for him to go his own way. After all, he had been saying he would find his own place for the past few years and there was no time like the present.

“There was actually something I wanted to talk you about.” Rose hesitated, feeling bad for keeping Ryan waiting for an answer. She told him about the different job offers and he was perfectly understanding. “The only thing holding me back from accepting the job here in West Chester was Bam, but if we were to live here we would have our own space and our own lives. I’d really like that Ryan. I would love to move in with you.”

Ryan beamed and leant over to kiss her. He could not be any happier. This was the start of the rest of his life and he was pretty sure he had learnt how to make a relationship work by learning from his best friend’s mistakes.

“Oh my God I’d better ring Amelia! I forgot that she flew back to LA last week and I haven’t spoken to her for like, three weeks. She’ll kill me for not telling her about this straight away!” Rose panicked, making Ryan laugh as she dug through her hand bag to find her phone.

“Hey Meels.” Rose sang down the phone when her sister answered.

“Hi, I’ve been meaning to call you.” Amelia laughed.

“Guess what.” Rose grinned to herself, knowing that Amelia would probably never guess in a million years.

“What?” Amelia sighed. She did not sound overly amused, but Rose was too excited to think anything of it.

“Ryan’s just asked me to move in with him!” Rose exclaimed. “And I said yes, obviously! You should see the house Amelia, it’s amazing!”

“That’s great Rose. I’m really happy for you. Are you in West Chester now?” Amelia asked, sounding a little harassed.

“Well yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Rose couldn’t shake the feeling that something was not quite right.

“Are you free this afternoon? Can you meet me at Ape and Phil’s?” Amelia asked. She almost sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

“Ape and Phil’s? What are you doing there Amelia?” Rose demanded. “Aren’t you supposed to be in LA?”

“Yes but something came up. I really need to talk to you. Can you come over?”

“Sure, give me half an hour. What’s happened Amelia? Are you ok? You sound like you’re crying?”

“I’m fine, I’ll see you in half an hour.” And with that Amelia hung up the phone leaving Rose incredibly confused and worried.

“Is everything ok babe?” Ryan asked in concern at the look on Rose’s face.

“I don’t know. Can you drive me to Ape’s?”