I Could Never Pretend

It’s unsettling how your entire world can crumble down around you in less than twenty four hours thought Johnny, as he paced up and down the corridor of the operating theatre ward. This time yesterday, he and Amelia had been lying in bed together, dreaming of the future. Now, she was lying on a table in the room before him, fighting for her life, all because of Johnny’s stupidity.

Why had he lied to her? He’d known from the start that it was a stupid thing to do, but how could he have foreseen what would happen? There were so many questions on his mind that needed answering, like why she had been with Bam before the accident, why she had refused to answer his calls...but all of this was irrelevant until Johnny knew that she was going to make it. He didn’t care about anything that had happened, as long as his beautiful girl was going to be ok.

Bam was sitting on a chair at the other end of the corridor with his head in his hands, looking pretty beat up. He’d refused the standard hospital gown they’d forced on him for his CT scan, and was now back in his bloody clothes from the accident. From what Johnny had managed to gather, Bam had had a very lucky escape. It was clear that he was in a great amount of physical pain, but he was refusing to take any painkillers because he wanted to stay awake to hear any news about Amelia. Johnny almost felt sorry for him. It didn’t matter what had happened between Amelia and Bam, Johnny could understand that Bam still cared for his wife and waiting around was torture for the both of them.

Like Johnny, Bam had refused to sit in the family waiting room and who could blame him? It was hell being in there, surrounded by other families who were anxious to hear the news about their loved ones. Johnny didn’t care about any of them. The only person that mattered to him was Amelia. As soon as they’d finished their cigarettes the two men had raced back to find where she was being treated and they refused to leave until she came out.

Every time a doctor or nurse appeared, Johnny and Bam would jump up and demand to know what was going on, but no one was saying anything, which did little to fill their confidence. The men had called an unofficial and silent truce over the past hour as they fetched one another coffee and tried to come to terms with what was happening. After all, it was effectively the two of them who had got Amelia into this situation. The last thing they could do was come to blows now, not when she needed them the most. When a life is on the line, everything else goes out of the window, especially grudges.

At that very moment a doctor dressed in medical scrubs appeared, disturbing Johnny from his thoughts.

“Mr Margera?” he glanced at both Johnny and Bam, unsure of who exactly he was addressing.

Bam stood up and gingerly made his way over; trying not to show how much his arm was hurting. “Is she ok?” he demanded.

“I’m Doctor Reese, your wife’s surgeon. We’ve finished operating now. Would you follow me to my office where we can discuss your wife’s condition?”

Bam nodded and started to follow the doctor along the corridor. Johnny quickly tagged along, trying not to feel like a spare part as Doctor Reese led them through a set of double doors and then left through another door into his office.

“Gentlemen”, Doctor Reese gestured for the two men to take a seat at the other side of his large mahogany desk. “I understand this is a very upsetting time for you and I want you to rest assured that I am doing everything in my power to help your...erm... Ms Jones.”

“Is she going to be ok?” Johnny asked this time, wishing the man would stop beating around the bush. His heart was pounding violently against his ribcage and he felt queasy with nerves.

“I’m sorry sir, I don’t mean to be rude but I don’t know your name.”

That had to be a first, Johnny thought, trying not to roll his eyes. “I’m Johnny, Amelia’s...” he paused. What was he exactly? Had she split up with him? Did she ever want to see him again?

“He’s Amelia’s boyfriend”, Bam interrupted offhandedly and Johnny shot him a look of surprise. “Can you tell us what’s going on?”

“Certainly. Ms Jones suffered an extensive head injury during the collision, which caused an acute subdural haematoma.”

From the blank look on both men’s faces, Doctor Reese decided to carry on. “When Ms Jones came in, she was unconscious. As she’d been in a motor vehicle accident, the first thing we did was to take a CT scan of her head. Gentlemen, the collision involved a serious impact to Ms Jones’ skull, resulting in the rupture of a blood vessel in her brain.”

Both Johnny and Bam took a quick intake of breath. It sounded bad already.

“The blood had collected between her skull and the surface of the brain, causing swelling, which was putting a huge amount of pressure onto to her brain.”

“What does that mean?” Johnny asked worriedly. “It sounds pretty bad.”

“I’m afraid it is a very serious condition”, Doctor Reese frowned. “Due to the amount of bleeding, we had no choice but to operate straight away. We’ve managed to remove the blood clot successfully and we hope that the swelling will start to go down now...”

“But?” Prompted Bam. “There’s always a ‘but’.”

“After any kind of trauma to the brain there is a risk of more permanent damage, for example, a loss of certain functions, problems with speech, memory, movement... we won’t know the full extent of the damage until Ms Jones wakes up.”

“When will that be?” Johnny asked tentatively. It was difficult to gauge the true severity of Amelia’s condition when the doctor was talking in such a goddamn calm manner. Johnny wanted to shake the man.

“Considering the fact that she’s just undergone a very long, complicated procedure, not to mention her other injuries, we’ve decided to keep her under anaesthetic for the next twenty four hours or so. After that, we’ll have to wait and see.”

“What do you mean, wait and see?” Johnny frowned.

“We can’t guarantee that Ms Jones will come round straight away sir. It’s a strong possibility that she might have entered a coma.”

***

Johnny felt like he had entered some kind of coma as he sat by the side of Amelia’s hospital bed, watching the machines and wires pumping life into her battered body. The constant humming and beeping they produced was somewhat comforting and it was reminding him of the need to breathe.

As well as the head wound, Amelia also had a broken collarbone, two cracked ribs and a nasty cut to her head. At this rate she was giving the Jackasses a run for their money in the injury stakes. While Johnny and many of the others had experienced these sorts of bodily harm at one time or another, the brain damage was an entirely different matter. There was nothing funny about a subdural haematoma, or whatever the doctor had called it. The doctors had done a pretty good job of patching her up. If it wasn’t for the huge bandage around her head, she would have looked peaceful...as if she was sleeping.

Bam kept watch on the other side of Amelia’s bed, but now that he could be sure she wasn’t going anywhere, he would occasionally go to check on Brandon. The two men had not been able to bring themselves to say anything to each other since they had sat in Doctor Reese’s office. After all, what could they say to make the situation any better? Johnny glanced across the bed at Bam, who was as white as a sheet. He’d seen that look enough times to know that the man was about to pass out.

“Bam”, Johnny said softly, taking him by surprise.

Bam looked up wearily. “Huh?” he croaked.

“You should go and lie down, you don’t look too good”, Johnny told him softly.

“I’m not going anywhere”, Bam shot back tensely.

“You’re no good to Amelia in this state...”

“What makes you think you’re any good to her either? From what I heard earlier, you were the last person she wanted to see”, Bam spat angrily.

This touched a nerve with Johnny, predominantly because Bam was right, but he wasn’t going to admit to it. After all, since when were Amelia and Bam on speaking terms? Johnny remembered the fact that they’d been together that evening and he realised he needed to know what had happened.

“I wasn’t aware that you were at the top of her list either Bam.”

“There’s a lot you’re not aware of”, Bam retorted, shooting daggers at his rival.

“Well why don’t you go ahead and enlighten me.” Johnny folded his arms.

Before Bam could start, a nurse had bustled into the room to change Amelia’s bandages and drip. The look she gave the two men told them they’d better get out of there sharpish, or else.

Bam led the way out. He had barely made it two metres from Amelia’s room when Johnny grabbed him by the shoulder of his good arm.

“Well? What happened between you and Amelia? What did you say to her to make her get into the taxi?” Johnny demanded.

Bam jerked his arm away from Johnny. “Let’s not forget that the whole reason she came to me was because of what you did.”

“Just get to the point Bam.”

“I don’t know what you’re expecting me to tell you Knoxville. I bumped into her in the parking lot of a store. She was upset, naturally. I asked her if she wanted to talk about it, and she agreed, so we went back to my hotel. I said she could stay there if she wanted because I was going out, but she asked me to stay with her. We talked about stuff. She got upset and left... the end.”

Johnny raised his eyebrow and he listened to Bam. “What did you talk about that got her so upset?”

Bam bit his lip, wondering whether or not to tell him the truth. It would be so easy to keep his mouth shut and play the good guy for once, but the fact that Knoxville was suggesting this was all Bam’s fault really aggravated him. Knoxville was hardly guilt-free and he deserved to share part of the blame.

“Are you sure you want to know? You might not like what you hear.”

Johnny frowned and squared up to Bam. “Tell me dammit!”

Bam paused for a moment, thinking it over. The truth wasn’t going to help the situation but it might make him feel a bit better getting one over Knoxville for a change.

“I told her I still love her.”

Johnny looked at Bam, blankly. “You do?” He wasn’t quite sure what he had expected to hear. Not this, that was for sure.

Bam nodded slightly, watching Johnny’s face for a reaction.

Johnny folded his arms in disbelief. “You’ve got a funny way of showing it.”

“Yeah well, we all make mistakes”, Bam shrugged. Some more than others, he thought to himself.

Johnny scoffed. “So that’s what sent her running was it?” He tried to picture the look on Amelia’s face when Bam announced this revelation to her, but he couldn’t. All Johnny could see was the image of Amelia lying so broken and helpless in the next room.

“Not exactly”, Bam smirked, knowing that he was reeling Johnny in with every word.

“What do you mean?” Johnny’s body tensed up. Instinctively he clenched his fists and took a step closer to Bam.

This did not go unnoticed by Bam. He hoped that Johnny would hit him. He needed Johnny to hit him. He deserved it and he was sure it would make them both feel much better. Hell, he might even throw a punch back at Johnny if he had half the chance.

“She told me she’s still in love with me.” Bam chose his words carefully for maximum effect. His face was deadpan.

Johnny’s own face contorted into a picture of anger. “Why should I believe you?”

“I’m not saying you should believe me. I’m just telling you what happened”, Bam shrugged casually again, knowing how much his attitude was getting to Johnny.

“She was pretty upset about it, but I think she’d just had enough of all the lies.” Bam placed emphasis on the last word. He was a puppeteer, pulling Johnny’s strings.

Johnny didn’t know what to think or say. How could he believe that Amelia was still in love with this man who had caused her so much pain? It was absurd, but why would Bam lie about it now? Perhaps Amelia had said it through her anger towards Johnny? Perhaps it was simply a way of her getting back at Johnny? It was possible, but Amelia was not that kind of person. Was she?

“The truth’s always a little hard to swallow, right?” Bam pressed his lips together in a satisfied sort of way. “I was slightly sceptical myself”, he continued. “But then she kissed me...”

Before Bam could finish his sentence, Johnny had thrown a fist straight into Bam’s face. He’d heard enough. If Bam expected him to stand there and listen to his bullshit he had another thing coming, concussion or no concussion.

Bam’s nose began to trickle with blood as Johnny’s fist dropped back to his side. Just another injury to add to the collection, he thought, carelessly wiping the blood onto his arm. He probably looked like the victim of a horror film in his bloody clothes.

“I guess I deserved that”, Bam smiled through the blood.

Johnny was just about to agree, when Bam released his good arm and sent his own fist hurtling towards Johnny. He managed to hit him square in the eye. Not bad for a man with a broken arm and concussion.

One thing led to another and in a matter of seconds the two men were scrapping like wild animals in the middle of the hospital wards. They were so focused on hurting one another than they didn’t notice the nurses’ shrieks of alarm, or the receptionist calling for security. They didn’t even realise that a familiar face had appeared with a look of disgust plastered across their face. It wasn’t until the figure grabbed Johnny and pushed him against the wall that the two men came to their sense and found themselves face to face with a very angry looking Ryan.

“What the fuck is going on!?”